(Closed) Having a crappy day….would love some advice *sniff*

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I wouldn’t put up with that. A man who can’t even LOOK at rings with you is not ready to get married. He should just say so instead of half azzing it to keep you with him. 

Post # 4
12878 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you need to sit down and tell him your honestly expect a proposal soon or you’re going to make good on your original plan and move out.  It’s not fair for him to string you along, but it’s not fair to discount how he might be feeling as well.  He could be scared of getting married, the commitment, the changes…but he may not know how to tell you. I think before making any rash decisions or even hinting at them, you need to clearly explain what you’re looking for and decide if it’s a future you can pursue together versus one you’ll have to separate for.

Post # 5
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think you’ve made yourself pretty clear to him.  What do you want to do?

Your ring shopping story actually makes me sad.  I wouldn’t put up with that.  

Post # 8
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

@weeble78:   I get the same feeling.  I think you know deep down what you need to do.

Post # 9
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

He is old enough, you have lived together long enough, and you have been clear enough.  If he doesn’t want to lose you, he will propose.  But it sounds like he just wants to keep things as they are.  I think you need to go with your gut and move on…I had a friend who moved out of two live-in situations and declared that would never happen again.  The next guy wanted to live with her and proposed within a year because she was clear about her needs. 

Post # 10
11343 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

My first words of advice would be to do NOTHING and to say nothing to your SO about any of this until at least tomorrow.  If, by chance, he’s trying to fool you (by giving you the Valentine’s Day card early and telling you he has to work tonight, while maybe he is secretly planning to propose to you — and with a much nicer ring than you think he would ever have considered), you don’t want to end up ruining the surprise. 

If that is not the case, however, I think you need to listen to your gut and your prior experience and strongly consider ending the relationship and moving out on your own.  I personally do not believe in living together for many reasons, the most significant of which is because of my faith; however, the fact that one person in the relationship is able to continue to enjoy many benefits of being married with no commitment in sight, while the other person is very upset and tired of waiting, is another, more practical reason why I oppose it.

Post # 12
5479 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Jeebus… I’d tell him to shit or get off the pot.

Post # 13
619 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I understand the story and your dilemma and I completely sympathize with you. But, that afternoon you went ring shopping he joked and you went to one store, he picked out one ring and then what?  You just left?  Thats where Im confused.  The details of the conversation during and after would help understand his mentality and intentions.


What does your gut instinct say about him?  You usually know deep inside.

Post # 14
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

He’s also said we cannot stay together if I move out and we will have to split up.  I don’t think that’s fair.

I think that’s perfectly fair.  If you move out, then you’re just backtracking in your relationship and you’re the one dragging things out weirdly. 

I’d leave him all together– he’s comfortable where he is and he’s not changing. (Unless he’s been playing a cruel joke this whole time. And I’d call him out on that, too, because it’s not funny to joke about your feelings for someone.) I also would have called him out for picking the cheapest ring and going home– you need to stand up for yourself. 

Post # 16
1212 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t ever say this often or lightly but I think it’s time for you to walk away. Wait until tomorrow just in case. But if he blows valentines day I say “get thee a new man!”

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