Having a friend or family member perform the ceremony?

posted 3 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
582 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@esk716:  I wrote our whole ceremony and my 32 year old son who got ordained online married us. It was wonderful! 

He signed the marriage certificate, we had two witnesses. Very legal in my state. We did have to send a copy of his drivers license in with the license. 


Post # 4
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I think it’s awesome as long as he’s mature enough to handle the responsibility!

Post # 5
592 posts
Busy bee

I did not have a family member or friend perform the ceremony but I did went to a few weddings where people did just that.  I thought that it was a wonderful idea and so special.  The only down side I saw was that if the person doing the ceremony is not so used to public speaking or performing, the ceremony might not go as smooth (as was case in one of the weddings I attended – but honestly I don’t think anyone really cared).  If you think that your brother will do a good job then go for it.

Post # 6
1112 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My FIL is a minister so he performed the ceremony for u. We also had my dad read some scripture, and it was a very special way to include both of them. I definitely recommend it!

Post # 7
8850 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@esk716:  we had our friend do it, and it was great.  We’ve both known him since we were teenagers (15+ years) and it was really special to have a close friend do that for us.  Just make sure your brother is good at public speaking… our buddy does a lot of acting and is super super funny, so he was a perfect fit.

Depending on how much responsibility he wants to take on, you might have to write most or all of the ceremony yourself, which is a pain in the ass but also kind of awesome.

Post # 8
1068 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

We’re having a friend do it, but FI and I are planning on writing the ceremony ourselves (unless he really wants to, but I think that’s a lot of responsibility that he hasn’t really asked for).  We just went to a wedding where a friend wrote the ceremony himself, and it was really, really good.

Post # 9
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’ve been to two weddings where a friend has officiated and it has gone SO WELL. 

My father got ordained online to perform ours, I’m looking forward to it!

We had a similar issue as you, but my father actually runs their church while they’re between pastors, so it’s a natural fit.  However, we are probably going to write the majority of the ceremony to exclude most religious references.

Post # 10
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@esk716:  We’re having our friend marry us too – it feels so much more personal that way! We’re still planning on having a few readings done by other people, too.

One note because I had *no* idea when we decided on that – there are 3 states (Pennsylvania’s one of them but I forget the others) that don’t recognize online ordination. Luckily PA has a “self-uniting” marriage certificate option so we’re getting around it by using that.

Post # 11
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@esk716:  We had our long time church leader marry us! It was so personal and he even teared up quite a bit Smile I don’t regret him doing it at all and am (in fact) thrilled that it even worked out! His wife was ready to pop (had her baby the DAY AFTER) and we weren’t sure he would be able to join us but fortunately it worked out! 

EDIT: He was a youth leader (we met him in high school) and was not already ordained! Him and his wife always acted as our relationship guru’s 



Post # 12
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

We asked a friend to do it.  It made more sense for us to have someone who actaully knew us than to pay some random person hundreds of dollars (the going rate for officiants in my area is not cheap) to give some generic speech.  The person we asked is actaully closer to FI, I don’t know him super well, but again know him better than random person.

When picking someone we really thought about who would do well and enjoy it.  Someone who is a good public speaker or used to being in front of a crowd.

Post # 13
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

My step dad got ordained to marry us! It was one of my favorite things about the wedding as well as DH and many others in the family thought the same thing! He kept it light, and we did NOT say the whole “obey” part. haha I raised an eyebrow when he got to that part in his speech addressing me and he momentarily forgot his lines, but that just made it all the more funny and special to us. 😉


Post # 14
2184 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

My brother performed our ceremony. It was perfect! However, I was a weirdo, and we got legally married before the ceremony just to make sure all the legal t’s were crossed. Having my brother preside over our ceremony made it so personal and so special– we also wrote the ceremony. 

Post # 15
49 posts

We’re having my FI’s good friend perform our ceremony. It’s free, so you can’t beat that!

Post # 16
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Right after we got engaged we went to dinner with one of my best friends and her husband.  As we were leaving she jokingly said “If you need someone to marry you I’m a notary”. We all laughed, but the more we thought about it the more it seemed like a great idea. We wrote our own ceremony, and she did a marvelous job. It wasn’t her first wedding and since our wedding last year she’s officiated two of her brothers’ cremonies. 

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