Post # 1
We’re strongly considering asking my brother to get ordained online and perform the ceremony to marry us. My church growing up has had a new minister every few years, so none really stand out (plus I haven’t been active in several years). The pastor my groom grew up with is an option, but I’ve never met him before and many of my fiance’s family members are conservative baptists which worries me about what this pastor might say. I’m concerned because there are certain things I do not want said in my ceremony (nothing about serve & obey, nothing about marriage being strictly between a man and a woman) because they are against what I believe, and I don’t know of a polite and non-awkward way to basically tell a pastor I’m just meeting that he can’t say so-and-so or else we don’t want him.
I think my brother would do an awesome job and it would be cool to have him involved in that way since he’s not in the wedding party. My fiance said he’s fine with my brother doing it.
I was just wondering what other brides’ experiences were with this. Did anyone have a friend or family member get ordained to marry them? Pros and cons? I’d love to hear about others’ experiences. Thanks in advance!
Post # 3
@esk716: I wrote our whole ceremony and my 32 year old son who got ordained online married us. It was wonderful!
He signed the marriage certificate, we had two witnesses. Very legal in my state. We did have to send a copy of his drivers license in with the license.
Post # 4
I think it’s awesome as long as he’s mature enough to handle the responsibility!
Post # 5
I did not have a family member or friend perform the ceremony but I did went to a few weddings where people did just that. I thought that it was a wonderful idea and so special. The only down side I saw was that if the person doing the ceremony is not so used to public speaking or performing, the ceremony might not go as smooth (as was case in one of the weddings I attended – but honestly I don’t think anyone really cared). If you think that your brother will do a good job then go for it.
Post # 6
My FIL is a minister so he performed the ceremony for u. We also had my dad read some scripture, and it was a very special way to include both of them. I definitely recommend it!
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
@esk716: we had our friend do it, and it was great. We’ve both known him since we were teenagers (15+ years) and it was really special to have a close friend do that for us. Just make sure your brother is good at public speaking… our buddy does a lot of acting and is super super funny, so he was a perfect fit.
Depending on how much responsibility he wants to take on, you might have to write most or all of the ceremony yourself, which is a pain in the ass but also kind of awesome.
Post # 8
We’re having a friend do it, but FI and I are planning on writing the ceremony ourselves (unless he really wants to, but I think that’s a lot of responsibility that he hasn’t really asked for). We just went to a wedding where a friend wrote the ceremony himself, and it was really, really good.
Post # 9
I’ve been to two weddings where a friend has officiated and it has gone SO WELL.
My father got ordained online to perform ours, I’m looking forward to it!
We had a similar issue as you, but my father actually runs their church while they’re between pastors, so it’s a natural fit. However, we are probably going to write the majority of the ceremony to exclude most religious references.
Post # 10
@esk716: We’re having our friend marry us too – it feels so much more personal that way! We’re still planning on having a few readings done by other people, too.
One note because I had *no* idea when we decided on that – there are 3 states (Pennsylvania’s one of them but I forget the others) that don’t recognize online ordination. Luckily PA has a “self-uniting” marriage certificate option so we’re getting around it by using that.
Post # 11
@esk716: We had our long time church leader marry us! It was so personal and he even teared up quite a bit I don’t regret him doing it at all and am (in fact) thrilled that it even worked out! His wife was ready to pop (had her baby the DAY AFTER) and we weren’t sure he would be able to join us but fortunately it worked out!
EDIT: He was a youth leader (we met him in high school) and was not already ordained! Him and his wife always acted as our relationship guru’s
Post # 12
We asked a friend to do it. It made more sense for us to have someone who actaully knew us than to pay some random person hundreds of dollars (the going rate for officiants in my area is not cheap) to give some generic speech. The person we asked is actaully closer to FI, I don’t know him super well, but again know him better than random person.
When picking someone we really thought about who would do well and enjoy it. Someone who is a good public speaker or used to being in front of a crowd.
Post # 13
My step dad got ordained to marry us! It was one of my favorite things about the wedding as well as DH and many others in the family thought the same thing! He kept it light, and we did NOT say the whole “obey” part. haha I raised an eyebrow when he got to that part in his speech addressing me and he momentarily forgot his lines, but that just made it all the more funny and special to us. 😉
Post # 14
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
My brother performed our ceremony. It was perfect! However, I was a weirdo, and we got legally married before the ceremony just to make sure all the legal t’s were crossed. Having my brother preside over our ceremony made it so personal and so special– we also wrote the ceremony.
Post # 15
We’re having my FI’s good friend perform our ceremony. It’s free, so you can’t beat that!
Post # 16
Right after we got engaged we went to dinner with one of my best friends and her husband. As we were leaving she jokingly said “If you need someone to marry you I’m a notary”. We all laughed, but the more we thought about it the more it seemed like a great idea. We wrote our own ceremony, and she did a marvelous job. It wasn’t her first wedding and since our wedding last year she’s officiated two of her brothers’ cremonies.