Post # 1
hi bees! so basically i love you guys lol. anywyas,
my bf/finace (we are getting married but were not officially engaged) moved in together in june of this year (EXCITING!!!) and I love living with him. BUT, literally the week BEFORE our move in date, his best friend from highschool got kicked out of his parents house (he’s in college living with his parents) and begged us of he could stay with us. he promised it would be like 2 months TOPS. it’s now been 4 almost 5 months and it doesnt look like hes leaving anytime soon, he doesn’t pay naything, doesnt contribute, and constantly brings his annoying ass whiny gf over WITHOUT asking if its ok. Which would be fine if she was nice, but she literally will walk in, raid our fridge and take over our tv. so annoying, and then when she’s over they just fight which is even more anooying.
my FI has spoken to him SEVERAL times about him needing to find a place and hes constantly saying how he doesnt have money blah blah blah and that hes planning on moving in with his uncle and they gonna look at places this weekend, but he’s been saying that for 2 months now.
I don’t want him living with us anymore, and it looks like he’s completly disregarding what my FI asks him.
IDK what to do or what to say wthout being too harsh…
Post # 3
I think you need to be upfront with him. Give him a reasonable time frame to find a new place. Don’t budge on it or he will continue taking advantage of you, your SO and your kindness.
Post # 4
You have to give him a date. Not “you need to find another place soon” but “I know it’s been hard, but you can only stay here until Nov 1, then we need you out”. And then stick to your date. Be firm. I think people worry about damaging the relationship, but it’s important to realize that him staying there is already damaging the relationship. So I’d set the date a week or two out. But you have to set a specific date and you have to stick to it!!!
Post # 5
It is completely unfair for you and your SO to be paying for his way in life. He needs to get motivated and quickly. I would tell him he has until the end of the year to find a new place to live.
Post # 6
On November 1, he has 30 days to find a new place. Put it in writing and give it to him (in some states squatters have just as many rights as paying tennants!). Your SO needs to be 100% on board with this and you have to present a united front. In the meantime, I wouldn’t leave this guy or his GF alone in your home. He was thrown out of his parent’s home for a reason–probably has something to do with his crappy behavior patterns. Time for some more tough love–he is not your responsibility.
Post # 7
I guess putting it in writing would make it more official. He’s just such a little bitch whenever my FI talks to him. he puts on a pouty face and it just makes everything akward.
I should write a letter/notice for him, but idk what to even put in there you know? He gives us sob stories and thanks us all the time but at the same time, saying thanks doesn’t pay the water bill. I just don’t want him to get mad and do something…
Post # 8
@piticuta: Oh my… Bless you two, lol!
I agree with setting a date and sticking to it. Enough is enough.
Post # 9
i agree with pp. give him, in writing and even email, a specific date as to when he needs to vacate.
i can’t believe he doesn’t even contribute to the rent or food or anything. does he have a job at all? my sister had one of those moochers and he stayed for years.
Post # 10
Tell him he has to be out by a certain date, no ifs, ands or buts. Have your H speak to him, do not let him get a sob story in – tell him he HAS to be out.
You should not worry about being too harsh because you need to be harsh as nothing else is working. I would be at the point where if he doesnt leave by the day you tell him, I would be super petty and change the locks when he is not home and have his stuff dropped off at his parents house or somewhere he can access it and wash my hands of it. I wouldnt be worrying about losing this friendship.
Post # 11
@TorontoBride2be: yea your right, AH i just wish this wasn’t so hard 🙁 im too nice i think
Post # 12
@JenGirl: Exactly what JenG said.
Post # 13
@piticuta: Unfortunately, you might have to be a little hard on him. If it were me, I would be worried about the friendship between him and my fiance, so I wouldn’t feel so bad by looking at it as me “taking one for the team”. I would be the one to go hard on him, and force him out, so if he has any ill feelings about it, they will be towards me rather than towards my fiance (his friend).
My fiance does this for me all the time… though my situations haven’t been as serious. Like if my friends want to go out but I don’t feel like it, my fiance is happy to let them know he’s already “made plans” or that I’m sick or something. Partners in crime 😛
Sorry for the ramble – bottom line: Time to get tough.
Post # 14
@ksus07: you know what you’re so right. I don’t mind being the bad guy in this situation as long as theri friendship isn’t hurt, this guy isn’t really my friend anyways
And he does everything for me anyways. so your right. THanks you guys so much!!! 🙂
Post # 15
@piticuta: People can only take advantage of you to the extent that you let them. Give him a firm date in writing to get out. If he doesn’t leave, box up his things and store them for him.
Post # 16
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@piticuta: You and your FI have made it clear to him that he needs to move on and he doesn’t get it. I would have FI tell him he has until November 1 (or 30 if you’re really nice) to find a new place to live and move out. If he isn’t out by the date give, time to pack his bags and change the locks so he will get the point. He isn’t much of a friend if he can’t get his shit together enough to realize he is no longer welcome at your home.