Having a really bad day…. I've had it with this planning nonsense

posted 2 years ago in Traditions
Post # 2
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

You’re not being unreasonable, they are. I’m sorry you’re having deal with all of that. 

Post # 3
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013 - Garden

I don’t think anyone can rip you apart for the way that you’re feeling! Planning a wedding is emotional and stressfull even without all of this drama. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be organised!

Where I’m from, the bridesmaids wear the dress, hair and makeup that the bride chooses. This is what you sign up for when you agree to be a bridesmaid. You have to fit in with the bride’s vision. I see no problem with this. I can’t understand why you’re getting so much resistance!

Post # 4
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

It sounds like you’re just frustrated with this whole process! Everyone has those days. Vent away until you feel better. I think the hair/makeup isn’t something every bridesmaid views as a gift. Instead some people think of it as an uncomfortable requirement. If they don’t want to use your MUA or your hair stylist, tell them that is fine, and they are welcome to secure whatever make up artist or hair stylist they like at their cost, or to do it themselves. As for the planning for the shower, goodluck. I really hope it turns out well, but one way or another it sounds like it isn’t going to be your responsibility. Check it off your list mentally and let it go as best you can. I hope it all turns out beautifully for you.

Post # 5
Member
42538 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would tell the bridesmaids that you have heard their concerns about the MUA and your choice of an updo, and ask those who want to be responsible for their own hair and makeup to let you know by _____, as you have to cancel their appointments if they choose not to take advantage of the appointments you have already made on their behalf.

If they want to keep the appointments you have made for them, you will assume they are ok with the updo and MUA.

Post # 6
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

Daffadowndilly:  Exactly.

That’s how I’ve always seen this whole bridesmaid thing go: the bride picks what she wants the bridesmaids to wear, they wear it, end of story. If they get to pick what they want within certain parameters, they do, and then that’s the end of it.

Where is all of this “I don’t like this; I don’t want to wear that; I should get to pick what I want” nonsense coming from? It’s ridiculous. They act as if the bride should have little to no say in what her bridesmaids wear. It’s absurd. 

It’s like these people were born yesterday… (I’m talking specifically about the people who are in areas where this is the normal MO, not areas with other ways of doing things, by the way.) 

Post # 9
Member
322 posts
Helper bee

MrsPiggles:  Yeah, you sound like you’re being very reasonable about all of it. Go home, get some rest, and the bridesmaids can deal with their own hair and makeup, so long as its up! They should not be stressing you out about this.

Post # 11
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee

I think you have a good reason to be frustrated. Im not sure if happy, agreeable, and cooperative bridesmaids are the norm though… Especially when you’re dealing with 10. I really feel for you. 

Post # 12
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee

MrsPiggles:  I think it’s because you have been nice and letting them do what they want. I know hair & makeup are super expensive, so they should be happy that you’re paying that much for them!

I’ve been easy breezy with my BM’s which is why I think that some of them don’t even bother responding. It’s very strange. I feel like it’s because I’d always say “what works for you?” that some of them are being unhelpful. I think we all have days where we want to kick the butts of our BM’s. They should be there to celebrate with you but also make your life easier! It’d be one thing if you were a bridezilla (which you don’t sound lke you are!) but when you’re being a good friend to them, I don’t get why some of them turn into such turds during the process.

I wish I only had a MOH and maybe 1 BM. My other 2 BM’s have given me so much stress but you can’t go back now!!

I would tell them to pay for themselves. 

Post # 13
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

For my BMs I suggested up do or straight hair to avoid similarities with my hair style, still one came to me and told me, there was no way we’d look similar as I’d be on a wedding dress and veil…

You are not being unreasonable. Virtual hug!

Post # 15
Member
716 posts
Busy bee

Frustrating, always hard to manage large parties, especially when they don’t behave like respectful, mature adults.

I agree, I don’t see what there is to complain about when it comes to free hair and makeup with modest guidelines and I agree that if you’re a BM in a bridal party of 10 people, then you should expect modest guidelines, you can’t satify everyone.  Unfortunately, people are sensitive about how they represent themselves and that includes personal appearance.  I would ask yourself if it’s really that important to you to stick with your updo requirement.  You can probably give on this.  You’ll sleep better at night as a result. 

With respect to who walks down the aisle with whom, I think you’re right to just ignore this, it’s <30 seconds, maybe even <15 seconds, just don’t respond.

On the bridal shower, how far out is the bridal shower?  If it’s in the next month, then I can understand you getting frustrated and wanting to have the tables booked.  If it’s further out, then, food for thought, your BM may feel like you didn’t give them a chance.  I know they have shown themselves to be immature, but just trying to understand what their perspective may be.  Also, food for thought, booking for all 3 events was probably a tad passive aggressive…it says “I can’t trust you to do anything important so I’m just going to do it myself.”  Which, while it may be true, is unfortunately still potentially insulting, again just trying to think both all potential perspectives.

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