Having a really hard time…

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 4
1715 posts
Bumble bee

Has he told you why he’s waiting so long to propose?

I don’t think it’s reasonable for you to just be waiting all this time without anything more from him than “Maybe one day”. It has been four years and he knows marriage is important to you — it’s time for some decisions on his part.

If this is important to you, you’ll need to speak up and not let this issue slide.

You should try to find out if he wants to get married or not. If not, why? If he does, why the long wait and indecision? You also have decisions to make: are you willing to wait on him while he figures out what he wants to do, if he hasn’t already? What will you do if he says he doesn’t want to get married?

A calm, rational discussion about this relationship and where it’s headed is in order. 


Honestly, I see no merit in waiting longer than you already have. He’s had plenty of time to decide what he wants to do. Based on what you’ve written and the amount of time that has passed, he probably has made a decision. 

Post # 5
50 posts
Worker bee



I am so sorry you feel this way. I have been with my SO for 6+ years and living toegther for 5+ years and personally wanting to be proposed to for 2 years. I was patiently waiting up until our 5 year anniversay because even early into our relationship he said he wanted to date for 4-5 years before getting engaged (he just started graduate school when we got together, so I figured that was the link….and he compared it to his best friends relationship, who was with his SO for 5 years before proposing and my SO thought it sounded “smart”). Well, since the 5 year anniversay I have not been so patiently waiting. I would not say my SO gets mad at me when I bring it up, but he gets frustrated because he says he loves me and he wants to get married, he is just “not there yet, but getting close.” Well, I have been hearing those exact lines for 1 year. All I can say is try to hang in there and stay positive and trust that not all of these peoples lives who are moving faster than your yours will end up as great as your will one day 🙂

Maybe the next time you talk to your significant other ask him at what age he wants to be married/have kids? or if he gets frustrated when you bring it up ask him “how long do YOU think we will be dating for before I need a definite timeline”? I asked my signifiant other this Dec of 2013 and he said “I can’t imagine it taking me longer than another 6 months to be ready” and when I asked him “how long do you think I can happily wait for you to be ready?”, he said “I know its hard, and im sorry, and I know its way past what you deserve and I just hope you will stay with me until I am ready”…so, maybe just change the conversation from when possibly getting engaged to what does he think your timeline is? maybe this will help him get into your shoes, since all of us girls are always trying to figure out what they are thinking…..

Post # 6
101 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I am sorry your having a hard time with waiting, I know it could seem like your relationship is on hold with everyone else getting engaged, married and having kids but you do have an awesome relationship that is moving with each day that passes and it does seem like he wants to marry you with the comments you provided and it could possibly be the reason why he said maybe one day is because he does not want to give anything away. It would be great to get a Valentines day proposal but my proposal wont likely happen for another few months, he did tell me a couple of months ago that it would happen before Feburary because he thought he was going to get his house later this year, well all that chnaged when he got his house in December. So now he has to save money towards the ring.

Post # 7
2394 posts
Buzzing bee


You’re going to have to decide whether hanging onto this relationship and its status quo is more important to you than your heart, your hopes and your dreams.

If you value your heart, your hopes and your dreams, then you’re going to have to shake things up and let your SO know that you think that 4.5 years — including 3 years of living together — is more than enough time for a man to make up his mind.

However if you value the relationship first and foremost, then don’t make waves and zip your lips.

Personally, I would go with option #1. I think you deserve a medal for keeping quiet for this long. I don’t think there’s much to be said for being the cool, submissive girlfriend who doesn’t rock the boat. 

 I think whatever is meant to be, will be. So if this guy is the real deal, you probably will end up married at some point or other. I just think you should stick up for yourself a little more, that’s all. Good luck with whatever you decide.


Post # 9
425 posts
Helper bee

That sounds tough. It seems like he may not be ready to get married right now for some reason. What are your thoughts on Mr. Bee’s Three Step Plan?

Post # 10
1779 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@Alexxx_Piph:  “I know he wants to marry me …..We’re all on the same page for all of that

Obviously you’re not on the same page! Although you hope that he wants/will marry you , his response after 4 1/2 years of: “maybe some day” and getting upset when you ask, doesn’t bode well, especially as he is already 27. Sorry hon, sounds like your sister may be correct. You may be MsRightNow for him but not MrsForever.

You have to figure out how many more years you are willing to wait (and possibly waste) while hoping for something that may never happen.

Best wishes.

Post # 11
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Alexxx_Piph:  Pick a good time, sit down and have an open discussion! Tell him that you don’t mean to put the pressure on, or push for a specific time-line, but you need to know that you’re still on the same page, and what his cocnerns/hesitations are. He has to get over being upset because these are convesations two adults that are in a commited, loving relationship & living together need to have! 

Post # 13
1715 posts
Bumble bee

@Alexxx_Piph:  Yeah, that’s progress. 

You might want to let him know that while you understand that he wants things to be a surprise, he can’t keep you in the dark and waiting for an indefinite period of time.

Surprise = Good.

Being totally in the dark = Not Good. 

Waiting so long that you have reason to believe he won’t follow through = Not Good. 

To prevent being in the dark, I suggest you and he come up with, and agree to, a time frame. That way you won’t have to worry and ask him when he’s going to do it, and he will have time to plan his proposal and surprise you. It works for both you and him. 

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