- 7 years ago
The background on this is that I got pregnant back in March/April and had D&C for a missed miscarriage in June. It’s been 4 weeks, and things have been getting better. I was extremely sad the first week, but got myself together and have been doing a lot better,
Today I woke up SAD. Just SAD. I feel like this isn’t fair. I wanted to be a mom. I wanted to have a baby so bad. This past weekend, I should have been telling my friends because we would have been almost 12 weeks. I always saw the 4th of July weekend as the weekend we would announce our pregnancy to everyone.
And this past weekend, I had a few glasses of wine, and late in the night, a friend said “OH, I was almost sure you were pregnant! I thought you would be about 8 or 10 weeks pregnant… there was a time a few weeks ago you weren’t drinking…” (She was right, because I WAS pregnant then.)
To top things off, I haven’t told anyone about my miscarriage, except my husband. Not even our families. No one knew we were pregnant (we found out something was wrong the very first appointment, because the baby was very small), and I just couldn’t bring myself to say “Guess what, I was pregnant, but I’m not.” So no one knows.
And then, after having a sad morning, my husband just called and said that our friends who are expecting in September want to get together with us this weekend. I haven’t been able to hang out with her, because, although completely unjustified, I have a hard time being around her. She did a lot of things “wrong” before getting pregnant and once pregnant (drugs the week before she conceived, drinking her ass off the day before she found out she was pregnant- when she was trying!!!!- and getting in huge fights with her husband after getting pregnant (I mean screaming brawls). She went so far as to tell me she didn’t want to be pregnant and felt trapped now that she was.) So I know it’s not fair, but it is so hard for me to look at her, pregnant, knowing all of this. I wanted to be pregnant so bad and I did EVERYTHING right (no alcohol, no drugs ever in my life, eating right, exercising lightly…) and it still didn’t work out for me. My husband has been great about it so far, understanding where I am coming from, and we haven’t been around them since all of this has happened.
But now this friend has been asking him every single day for the last 2 weeks when we can get together, and is starting to get the hint, so my husband thinks we should see them.
I’m just having a sucky, sad morning…