- 3 years ago
Hello bees. I’m new here.
I have a wonderful, wonderful SO. He is kind and loving, we’ve clicked since day one, he is responsible, financially secure, and we agree on all the important things.
I really, really want to be married to him. I want to have his last name. I want everyone to know I am his. I want to start our future together and experience life together. I want to eventually have kids together.
Marriage is very important to me. I’m sure that many of you understand this yearning for marriage. I can’t explain it completely. I was never that little girl that dreamed about a wedding and a big dress… but ever since I met him, it is all I have wanted. No fancy wedding, no fancy ring.. just him.
We are mature adults. We are financially stable, late twenties, educated… blah blah blah. All the “precursors” to engagement and marriage. People are starting to ask when it’s going to happen… and although I don’t care too much what other people think, -I’M- also thinking that.
So… the past few weeks have been tough, and especially this weekend. I had two friends get engaged this weekend and had friends attending and posting pictures from a few weddings. I can’t help but wish it would happen for me.
Here’s the problem. For whatever his reason is, my SO isn’t ready, and cannot verbalize to me exactly why not. We’re just waiting for some unknown time period. I don’t mind waiting a while… although I feel like a bit of a ticking clock. I keep thinking that there’s the engagement period… then the wedding… and then hopefully a few years to enjoy eachother… and then kids before I’m too old. And as time goes on, I’m losing sight of that being able to happen. Either I’ll lose the time to enjoy eachother before kids, or I’ll lose the chance to have kids.
I am a little worried because it seems like my SO is almost afraid to speak about marriage. I have read so many ladies on this forum talking about how they planned parts of their wedding or dicussed their rings or talked to their SO about aspects of friends’ weddings and what they like and what they don’t. But I feel like the “M” word is a no-no. I mentioned a friend got engaged and I get the cold shoulder. The other day I mentioned that I would like to sit down and have a serious talk about finances (as in, we are saving to buy a house, and exactly when we’d like to buy the house, how much we’d like to spend, and what we need to be putting away each month in order to get there.. no mention of the “M” word). He just kind of brushed it off. We’ve never discussed this stuff in detail… it has just been agreed that we are savings, and he keeps coming up with a time that he’d like to start looking at houses, but it keeps getting pushed back by him with no discussion with me.
SO has said point blank that YES he wants to marry ME. But it also seems that his vague timeline he has given me for that keeps getting pushed back. The first time I seriously brought up getting engaged (trying to test the water and make sure that’s where we were headed) he told me that it could happen in a few months. More recently, he said it’s going to happen next year. More recently he said he wants to finish his exams (working on a ticket for work… a multi-year long thing that he has been working through since we met). And most recently, he said that marriage will happen in a few years. It just feels like things are getting pushed back with no real sense of when we will get to this point in life. I want to be part of these decisions.
I’m just unsure as to his commitment. He says he loves me and is commited to me. I’m not sure why marriage is such a priority for me, but it is… but I don’t know what to believe from him anymore when he tells me something 🙁