I know this might seem a bit extreme, but I just ended things with him. I just cannot deal with this anymore. With feeling like he’s just stringing me along. There has been one too many times that he promised we’ll be engaged by a certain time and then that time passes with no proposal. (I know some of you can relate to this). He has even gone so far to invite me to go look at engagement rings with him probably about three times since September of ’09, yet he never actually took me to do this and I was so sad and disappointed. I actually almost broke up with him once before about a week ago because of my frustrations about us not being engaged yet, but he talked me out of it. I don’t think he believes me yet that I’m for real this time because he was basically like whatever, I’ll talk to you later. Love you. Probably because he knows he’s talked me out of it before. I know though that I need to stay strong and not settle for anything less than an engagement and a wedding date set at this point. This whole long distance thing where we only see each other a few days a week is just really taking it’s toll on me after 3 years, and so I’d like us to get engaged and then move in together. Since he seems to be insisting though that we live together first and then get engaged yet I don’t feel like I have any reason to really feel confident that he definitely WILL propose someday, then I just feel like there is no other choice but to end things. Oh, I am so sad about this ladies, but as hard as it is I feel like I’m doing the right thing. I love him so much, but I just would really feel like I’m settling to stay with someone that doesn’t know 100% for sure that he wants to marry me after spending three years with me, really getting to know me, etc.
He got a little bit p*ssy with me on the phone just now and basically made it sound like he thinks I’m crazy that I would end things even though he’s willing to make things progress by agreeing to have Dirty Delete and I move in with him. (Keep in mind though that he SAYS he wants that, yet wont’ even give me a specific date of when he wants us to move in). He seems like he totally doesn’t GET IT why I wouldn’t feel satisfied being just his live in girlfriend after 3 years together. He doesn’t seem to get it that it’s very upsetting to me that he begged me to go back out with him last September and then he promised we’d be engaged within 1-3 months and here it is several months later and we’re still not engaged. He said NOTHING back then about how he wanted us to live together first before getting engaged! All he said was let’s start DATING again and then in 1-3 months we’ll be engaged. Obviously, he’s still not ready to make that commitment yet so I think that’s maybe why he’s trying to buy himself some extra time to make that decision by saying that he’s decided now that Dirty Delete and I need to come live with him for awhile first before we can get engaged. I told him I do NOT want to put me and Dirty Delete in a position where we move in with him only to have to move back out because we decide not to get engaged and married after all. I told him that I just won’t feel at peace with the whole moving in together situation unless he’s ALREADY made the decision that he definitely wants to marry me & have him, Dirty Delete and I become a family.
I originally tried calling him tonight to end things, and when he didn’t answer I then decided to send him an email. I texted him asking him to please check his email when he got a chance & that it was important. I then got worried though that maybe he wouldn’t even get my text and so I decided to call again just so that I could tell him to please check my email. I told him to please check his email, that it was important, etc. and he was like I don’t want to play games, just tell me whatever it is that you need to say, etc. So, I tried to sum up for him over the phone what I said in the email, but I’m sure it didnt’ come across quite as good over the phone because I started to feel choked up, nervous, etc. He then said if we’re broken up then there’s really no point for him to even read the email, and I said I’d really appreciate it if he would just so he’d really understand the reasons WHY I felt the need for us to break up. So, who knows whether or not he’ll even read this email but this is what the email said and basically what I tried to tell him on the phone tonight:
I love you very much, but I just can’t do this anymore. I just cannot stay in a relationship that after three years hasn’t progressed to marriage or even engagement yet. When I agreed to go back out with you last September, it was definitely under the assumption (based on what you said) that we’d be engaged within just one to three months of dating again. Now, here it is several months later and the very most you’re willing to offer is to have me move in with you as just your live in girlfriend. That unfortunately just doesn’t work for me. That’s totally not what I signed up for when I agreed to go back out with you. I feel very strongly that after three years of dating, there shouldn’t need to be any trial run by living together first. I cannot in good conscience put my daughter in a situation where we move in with you as just boyfriend/girlfriend knowing that if you don’t feel like things are going great, you can just kick us out of your home and leave me scrambling to find a new place for us. In order to live with you, I would need to know that you were totally committed to the three of us being together for the long haul with me as your fiance/soon to be wife and with _____ as your soon to be step daughter and the only way I could really feel certain of that is if you were to propose to me and set a wedding date prior to us moving in together.
This is already painful enough as it is, so please do not call me or email me. I’m not willing to settle for anything less than engagement and marriage after 3 years of dating and since you apparently don’t want those things with me, there really is nothing for us to discuss. I will leave your grey sweatshirt in a bag on my front steps, and you can come by and get it tomorrow if you’d like. Also, if/when you come by to get your sweatshirt, please don’t bother ringing my doorbell because I’m not going to answer the door. As I said before, since you don’t want to marry me after all this time, there really is nothing for us to discuss either in person or via phone or email. You’ve stated various reasons/excuses before of why you’re not ready for us to get engaged yet, but I’m at the point now where the reasons WHY it hasn’t happened don’t really matter to me anymore. All that ultimately matters is that after three years it HASN”T happened yet, and I’m simply not willing to wait any longer for a proposal that is starting to feel like will probably never, ever happen.