Having a small, intimate DIY backyard wedding, a little help ladies?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@chels_kiwipink:  There are many gals who had a small, intimate wedding. If your budget and space doesn’t allow for it (100 cousins is crazy huge) then they should understand. Just invite parents, grandparents, and if you can aunts and uncles and if they still have kids at home.

Post # 4
Member
42510 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You should go ahead and have the wedding you can afford. Just make sure that wherever you draw the line for invitations, you keep it consistent. i.e if any first cousins invited= all fist cousins invited

Post # 5
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Yes, I definitely feel guilty.  FI and I have small families so that wasn’t a problem but I do have guilt over cutting friends/coworkers from the list.  We have had a few people assume they’re invited who aren’t and a couple who asked to be invited once we told them we wouldn’t be able to invite them.  We also had to cut out +1s for a few single friends but some have already asked to bring people.  We picked the nicest venue we could afford and it only fits 100 max and more like 85 comfortably.  We can’t budge on the guest list.  I’m trying not to feel bad. 

Post # 7
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@chels_kiwipink:  I do not feel guilty, and I’m not going to apologize for our budget. My dad is decased and my mom goes back and forth between crazy/mean and absentee, so my family should understand the budget constraints of doing this on our own.

Post # 8
Member
712 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

@chels_kiwipink:  

When I wanted to have an intimate wedding, my huge family was very upset. We eloped because the pressure and meddling got to be too much.

Accept that some people are going to be offended and do what works for you.

Post # 9
Member
72 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@chels_kiwipink:  I am also having a small (70 guests) DIY backyard wedding, the ceremony part anyway! The guest list was something I really struggled with too, but in the end you have to do whats right by you and your FI long term. You will feel the hurt of an extra $1000 – $5000 much longer after your wedding, as opposed the a quick awkward moment of a 2nd cousing not being invited (they will get over it).

Post # 11
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@julies1949:  I actually disagree with that – if she’s close to one cousin and never speaks to the others why should she have to invite them all? (or not invite someone she’s very close to)

 

Although in fairness I’m not close to my extended family. I won’t be inviting my aunt or cousins – we havent seen each other in years so I don’t really feel the need for them to be there (I have cleared it with my parents)

 

OP, don’t feel guilty! Just let everyone know you’re having a small intimate wedding.

Post # 12
Member
6964 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@chels_kiwipink:  I am in the same situation. I have a ton of cousins I’m super close to. My absolute, must-have list is 98 people (NOT including children, even though SO & I both want kids there and not including ANY friends, even though I have many). My really-should-have/want list is more like 150. That’s just my side. 

Would my family understand a small wedding? Yes. Many of my cousins did just their immediate family because of pregnancy or budget. But my problem is that I actually WANT all those people there. So we’ll be finding one HUGE backyard and hiring a taco guy or something. I don’t know… but I’m going to have to magically feed 200 people on almost no money. 

Post # 13
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@chels_kiwipink:  i have a big family also

but

i only had about 63 at my wedding,i felt a little bad,but i made sure that the people who were very close to us and apart of our lives(in our lives frequently) over the past year were invited,

that meant that my uncle i really wanted there couldnt come because his wife had to work the only way he could come was if he could bring his son(my first cousin)(his son would bring and take home,my uncle doest drive)but i only see his son maybe 2 or 3 times a year and if i invited him it would have kept me from inviting another loved one to come,also my uncles son is married and im sure if i said yes to him it would be just him and my uncle because he goes everywere without his wife,but i wasnt going to take that chance anyway of having to invite his wife.if i has an rsvp no,i would have let my uncle bring him.

also i didnt invite a cuz who i only see in the summer about 2 or 3 times,at least once is a bbq at his place.and during the winter time if a family member is in the hospital or something,because if i invited him and his wife it would have took 2 places of 2 people of whom were are close to in our lives now,not just 3 times a year or i see at a funeral.

i did invite about 7 or 8 cousions im close to but not the other 30 or 40,even the 15 or 20 who you could say i am kinda close to who i see maybe 5 or more times a year at kids bday parties,family get togethers or holidays,but we see each other only because we happen to be invited to the same functions,not because we talk and make plans to hang out.so just because you invite some cousins and not others is ok because when the ones who are not invited hear that you can only invite a certain amount of people who yous are very close to then they will except it better,i have lots of cousins who will be getting married in the comming years,say with in the next 5 years probly 15 or so,i will probly only be invited to maybe 5 of them because im not close to the others the way i am with the 5.i can not be upset because they did not invite me,that would make me a brat and only worrying about myself.im grown up to know if i know if i should exspect an invite or not and if i dont oh well im still gonna live my life just fine and not be mad over it,i might be upset if i didnt get an invite if i was close to them but i would not be mad or cause trouble its something i would understand and will get over  

reguardless of what you do someone will get mad/hurt.just invite the people that you and your FI could not get married without,if that means one or two special cousins and not the others then that is just how it has to be,i would not include others because of hearing from others that its not fair that person is invited but not so and so, because if you do invite the so and so then the so and so will take the place of a special person you really want there.and it is fair you are close to the special person you want there,no so and so,it would be unfair to you if you had to invite so and

also i would not invite kids if you have to have a 40 person guest list.and what i said to avoid drama was said on save the dates,my website and by telling as many people as possible i said” between my family and FI family there are about 25 kids and that is way to many for a wedding and we will not pick and choose which kids can come because we love them all.we are giving everyone plenty of time to find someone to care for your child on the wedding day if you choose to want to celebrate the day with us 🙂   

Post # 16
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@chels_kiwipink:  I feel bad that I didn’t invite a lot of family members that I do see once in a blue moon at a family gathering. The thing is if I invited the whole extended family our invite list would have gone from 50-70 to 200 or something. I invited one cousin in my extended family. If I could do it again I would have allowed the large amount of guests or just had an elopement with our best friends present because our families really upset us during the wedding and it almost wasn’t worth it. Getting called too fat to fit into the dress, telling me I’m probably pregnant when I know I’m not, trashing other family members and stressing me out, told that the wedding wasn’t good enough, it just wasn’t fun to be around that energy.

 

A backyard wedding sounds like a lot of fun…I’ve seen some online that looked beautiful.

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