@chels_kiwipink: i have a big family also
i only had about 63 at my wedding,i felt a little bad,but i made sure that the people who were very close to us and apart of our lives(in our lives frequently) over the past year were invited,
that meant that my uncle i really wanted there couldnt come because his wife had to work the only way he could come was if he could bring his son(my first cousin)(his son would bring and take home,my uncle doest drive)but i only see his son maybe 2 or 3 times a year and if i invited him it would have kept me from inviting another loved one to come,also my uncles son is married and im sure if i said yes to him it would be just him and my uncle because he goes everywere without his wife,but i wasnt going to take that chance anyway of having to invite his wife.if i has an rsvp no,i would have let my uncle bring him.
also i didnt invite a cuz who i only see in the summer about 2 or 3 times,at least once is a bbq at his place.and during the winter time if a family member is in the hospital or something,because if i invited him and his wife it would have took 2 places of 2 people of whom were are close to in our lives now,not just 3 times a year or i see at a funeral.
i did invite about 7 or 8 cousions im close to but not the other 30 or 40,even the 15 or 20 who you could say i am kinda close to who i see maybe 5 or more times a year at kids bday parties,family get togethers or holidays,but we see each other only because we happen to be invited to the same functions,not because we talk and make plans to hang out.so just because you invite some cousins and not others is ok because when the ones who are not invited hear that you can only invite a certain amount of people who yous are very close to then they will except it better,i have lots of cousins who will be getting married in the comming years,say with in the next 5 years probly 15 or so,i will probly only be invited to maybe 5 of them because im not close to the others the way i am with the 5.i can not be upset because they did not invite me,that would make me a brat and only worrying about myself.im grown up to know if i know if i should exspect an invite or not and if i dont oh well im still gonna live my life just fine and not be mad over it,i might be upset if i didnt get an invite if i was close to them but i would not be mad or cause trouble its something i would understand and will get over
reguardless of what you do someone will get mad/hurt.just invite the people that you and your FI could not get married without,if that means one or two special cousins and not the others then that is just how it has to be,i would not include others because of hearing from others that its not fair that person is invited but not so and so, because if you do invite the so and so then the so and so will take the place of a special person you really want there.and it is fair you are close to the special person you want there,no so and so,it would be unfair to you if you had to invite so and
also i would not invite kids if you have to have a 40 person guest list.and what i said to avoid drama was said on save the dates,my website and by telling as many people as possible i said” between my family and FI family there are about 25 kids and that is way to many for a wedding and we will not pick and choose which kids can come because we love them all.we are giving everyone plenty of time to find someone to care for your child on the wedding day if you choose to want to celebrate the day with us 🙂