Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery
Greetings, Bees. I don’t even know why I’m writing this really. I don’t talk a lot about my emotions. Maybe I need some words of encouragement. Maybe I just need to get all of this out. Here is some back-story: In January of last year, my BF (Hubby now) and I became pregnant with twin girls. After 5 months (22 weeks to be exact) of a high-risk/heavily monitored pregnancy and seeing them pretty much twice a month for that whole time through sonograms, we lost them. My body had betrayed me. I had gone into labor and had to deal with all the pain that comes with that with no prize at the end. Hubby and I continue to try our best to heal every day. Each day gets a little easier. We still have our rough days though. That brings me to what is causing my hardships today.
My boss just had a baby…unexpectedly. She didn’t know she was even pregnant. She was 28 weeks along. The baby is 3 lbs and is currently in the hospital but doing well. I guess I’m just having a hard time with all this because my brain won’t stop obsessing. Why did her baby survive? She smokes heavily and had no prenatal care. She has several children, why couldn’t I just have mine?
There are a few things I know for sure. I know that there are no REAL answers to these questions. Sometimes shit just happens. I know that these are common and normal thoughts of a woman who has gone through what I and many other women have gone through.
I hope this post is not taken the wrong way. I’m not really saying that I deserve anything more than anyone else does. I guess I’m just feeling sorry for myself at this moment in time.
Thanks for listening.
Post # 2
rosegoldgirl: Your feelings are perfectly normal and acceptable. In the light of the loss of your two babies, it would be unusual if you did not have these feelings. I am so sorry you lost your babies.
Post # 3
rosegoldgirl: *hugs* I am sorry for your loss, and fully understand your emotions about your boss’ situation. My prayers will be with you and your husband that in time you will have beautiful, healthy children, and they will be all the more loved for the wonderful care you take of yourself and of them.
Post # 4
rosegoldgirl: I’m so sorry for your loss! I can’t ever imagine the pain you are feeling but please never think it is your fault!
Post # 5
rosegoldgirl: I am sorry for your loss.
Post # 6
rosegoldgirl: …And here I am whining about my long and shitty day. i feel like a whiny brat after reading your post. there isn’t any rhyme or reason for stuff sometimes and it hurts even more when it seems unjust but hopefully you and your husband will soon have the beautiful family you want. Hugs and best wishes to you.
Post # 7
I know there is nothing I can say to help you, but you are in my thoughts. Sometimes it’s good to just be able to say “I’m hurting, nothing will fix it, listen anyway.” I think you are incredibly strong. I pray peace and comfort over you.
Post # 8
I’m so sorry you’re having such a rough day. It’s totally understandable, given your situation. I don’t knw of anything useful I can say, except this is all normal. And it’ll get better. And I’m sending hugs and warm thoughts!
Post # 9
i am so sorry for your loss! Its ok to have rough days and wonder why things happened, its all part of healing. I hopeyou can find some peace.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2014 - Merritt Winery
julies1949: Astra: Anon2Bee: creativeplannertobee: CocoClassic: Bridey77: JenGirl: Squirrelz15: Thank you all so much. Your kind words are helping to quiet my brain for the night. I appreciate the thoughts and well-wishes.
Post # 11
I have never been in your situation, but your words struck a chord with me. They echo some of the feelings I have about my dad’s passing, especially when I see men who abuse their bodies and treat people like crap (neither of which my dad did) live decades longer than he did.
I share this not to compare or to make this about myself, but just to say I understand, and that there’s nothing wrong with how you’re feeling. It just feels unfair, doesn’t it?
I agree with the previous posters — you are seriously strong. I will pray for you and for you and your husband to be blessed with children in the future.
Post # 12
You are so strong.
It’s the hardest thing to accept when others get things that we didn’t – let alone be happy for them. Take a day off, get a massage, eat some icecream. Do whatever you need to do to get through today and make tomorrow a bit better. Sending hugs xx
Post # 13
I’m so sorry you and DH had to go through losing your babies. I’ve been there a few times (never with twins though). It just wasn’t meant to be this time. Take your time with your grieving, and then when you guys feel ready, try again. Hopefully the last time will be the last time you have a hardship and the next pregnancy you bring home a beautiful little one (or ones).
Its been 2 1/2 years since I lost my last baby and I still feel the pain. It’s a small pain, but it’s there and will always be. And that’s ok. I still feel it from my first one I lost about 6 yrs ago. I don’t think you ever totally get over it.
Post # 14
rosegoldgirl: I’m so sorry about the loss of your twin girls. It makes perfect sense that the situation with your boss would arouse these feelings and I think feeling sorry for yourself is very appropriate. I hope you don’t feel the need to judge yourself for having a particularly difficult few days with this right now, and instead are kind and gentle on yourself. Sending you all my warmest wishes and support.
Post # 15
I am so sorry for your loss 🙁
It is completely normal to feel this way and it will take a while to heal. Sending you hugs.