(Closed) Having a wedding that is out of my control

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hi and welcome.  I don’t have anything brilliant to say here except there’s NO way you’d have to owe a $6,200 cancellation fee months in advance.  I’m no lawyer but the whole point of a cancellation fee is to enable the coordinator, the venue, the caterer, whomever to replace you in the event you change your mind, can’t make it and so forth.  This is unbelievable, actually, and I would read the fine print.  I definitely would not roll over on this one.  That’s a ton of money (and I suspect the reason some of the bees haven’t weighed in on this is because it’s a problem some might wish they had — sorry if that was snarky but it’s pretty lonely to put a post out there, be new to the hive, and basically hear nothing back for hours).  C’mon ladies — some of you know so much about this stuff.  Let’s give her a hand!

Post # 4
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

All I can think of is have the big wedding, and then fly out to his parents town and have a little celebration there.

Post # 6
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@JoeBeth12:  We gave her plenty of advice and suggestions in her other thread about this.  I don’t know what she’s expecting from us now.

Post # 7
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@JoeBeth12:I have to disagree.

The contract with my venue has a cancellation clause, and we would be out A LOT if we were to cancel it. It’s all in the fine print and details. 6 months seems far away but for a companies/hotels that book 12-18months in advance, 6 months is very close…and probably a very popular time of year so they’ve already turned away other business.

Have you considered having a smaller, more intimate ceremony at your fiance’s hometown? and then hosting the big party after?

Post # 8
Member
402 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hi everyone! I have no idea she’d posted this Q before.  What in the world….?

 

Post # 10
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

@NinaMarie1984: What about setting up a video for his parents? That might be something that would get you back into things. Also, if you are having favors and/or other items, you could put together a care package; maybe put in a replica centerpeice, etc. That would make his dad feel special and it would be a way to include him in the wedding without making him travel.

Post # 12
Member
525 posts
Busy bee

Do you think maybe you aren’t as excitied about it because you haven’t had much say in what choices were being made? It sounds like you decided to leave some of the choices up to others because it’s just not your sort of thing (flowers, cakes etc) but is there anything that WOULD be your sort of thing? I’m sure you can think of something, it doesn’t even have to be traditionally linked to weddings in the same way that flowers and cake are… Is there any way you can make your wedding “you”? A hobby that could be incorporated? A favourite sport or band? A favourite movie? I think planning this part of the celebration might make the wedding feel more like an exciting event that you are looking forward to.

Obviously that doesn’t really help with the situation with your FI’s parents, but I would hope that it would start to get you more excited and interested about the actual day. I really like noritake22’s idea about the video link too.

Post # 13
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Wowsa, you’re right about the unfriendly responses… 

Maybe you just need a break from the planning and then you can start fresh, say in a month or so.  Try not to worry about his family not attending, and maybe you can plan to get together with them afterwards for the low-key celebration that you were wanting from the start.  It’s easy to get caught up in (and overwhelmed by) a big wedding, but try to keep the focus on what it’s really about — you and your man.  Good luck! <3

Post # 14
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Definitely look into the video link aspect. And then also definitely throw a small, intimate party at his parent’s house later on.

Don’t concentrate on things you don’t like. For e.g.: bridesmaids’ dresses, centerpieces, etc.

Concentrate on your upcoming MARRIAGE. Think about how lucky you are to be marrying this wonderful man. And how this issue will be just a small dent in the road compared to the rest of your journey together. Just take this wedding light-heartedly and don’t put too much pressure on yourself to do things ‘right’ or ‘perfect’.

Watch a lot of wedding shows (Rich Bride, Poor Bride, SYTTD, Wedding SOS, etc.) and it will help you to get into ‘wedding mode’ and get excited about SOME if not all things wedding related.

Set up cake testings, attend wedding shows in your area. When you ‘see’ things, it’ll be easier to get excited about it. Trust me!

 

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