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We had three sides to include so had each read a part of a Marriage Blessing that spoke to their hopes and wishes for our wedding. I'll pm you the link.
There are also some ceremony rituals you could find that would incorporate both sides of the family.
I feel a little the same way as your FI. I am not catholic, but have agreed to do a catholic ceremony. So already I feel a bit out of place in my own ceremony. My FI wants his parents to do some music at the ceremony. His father will play guitar and his mother will sing. Still ok with this. Actually - pretty excited about it.
Then he mentioned he wanted one of his cousins to do one of the readings. That's where I got touchy. He gets all these things and my family gets one measly reading???? Lol.
Just remember it's really important to compromise. Most grooms let brides have full decision making powers over all sorts of things like colors and clothing and flowers and time of year and food etc etc. Usually because they feel like all that matters at the end of the day is that you guys get married. That's the important part. So start off by asking him what's going to make the ceremony important and meaningful to him.
Maybe his pastor can also give a blessing or do a reading. Or co-officiate I think it's called? Maybe his family has some musical talent? Maybe his family can do all the readings if that's what it takes? Whatever it takes to make him feel like it's his ceremony too. He should be able to find something that makes him feel included besides asking to use his pastor. Having your dad officiate is clearly very important to you.
I think you need to work out the balance. If your dad officiating is important, you should do it. In our wedding, my fiance's mother is running the ceremony. (We are in a state that doesn't require an officiant, so she's not officiating, but she's giving the opening greeting and announcing everything.) My father is doing a reading. My mother is playing a song. The best man and matron of honor are signing the license, and the matron of honor is collecting something from everyone for our unity ceremony. All five of them are standing up there with us, and all of them have a role.
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Hi there!
I just got engaged last week, so I still have a LOT of planning to do... but I had sort of come up with a few ideas before the proposal so there's been plenty to talk about with my man. One idea I had is for my dad to officiate the ceremony. My dad is a licensed pastor from an international bible school in Texas. We're very close, and I thought it would be a sweet and priceless thing to add to my wedding ceremony. My mom and my sister both teared up when I suggested the idea to them, so I think my wohle family (and likely the rest of the people in attendance) would remember it forever!
I mentioned this idea to my fiance a month ago or so, just in causal conversation, and he said it'd be sweet. Not overly excited, but definitely not shot down. Fast forward to a few days ago... I wanted to actually talk about my dad doing the ceremony, and my fiance said he didn't like the idea and he would like his pastor from his home church instead. I don't have a problem with his pastor, but I asked why my dad wasn't okay and his response mainly focused on how Dad may not be able to do his "traditional" wedding duties like giving me away and etc.... which doesn't make any sense to ME because I was going to find some non-traditional way to make that work out (maybe have my granddad walk me down the aisle, or something).
Later that evening after we laid down, he thought I was asleep and started talking to me (maybe that's weird but he just does it sometimes when he has something to get off his chest). Naturally I stayed 'asleep' and after talking about how much he loved me and how excited he was, he confessed that even though it was selfish, the real reason why he didn't want my dad to officiate was because it would give my family a vital role in the ceremony. Basically, my dad and my family are more visible and more active in the ceremony, whereas his just sits in the chairs.
I want to address this with him again soon -- tell him I wasn't asleep and that my dad officiating is really important to me. I don't quite get his reasoning, but I kinda see where he's coming from in that the groom's family doesn't have equal involvement, especially if my dad will be officiating. I want to approach him with a compromise... like, How about your family do (insert some vital and/or very visual role) if my dad can officiate?
Buuuuut... I don't know how to get his family involved!! Any ideas??? I already intend on having them involved during the planning, but the actual ceremony details are the issue here. Sorry the post is so long, just wanted to give the full story!