Having bridesmaids is NOT all it's cracked up to be…

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I understand and see from on these boards that weddings bring out the worst in people. However, I had 6 bridesmaids and no issues at all. They threw me my shower that was amazing, were easygoing about dresses, went to Jamaica for my bachelorette, and just all around great. When people have a problem with everyone I look at the common denominator. 

I can kind of relate to someone being not such a good bride when I was in their wedding. Like you, my friend was a difficult bride when I was her MOH. But she wasn’t bad as a bridesmaid, thankfully. At first I did debate whether to ask her…

I hope your remaining bridesmaids are better. Sucks to lose friends no matter what.

Post # 4
Member
9528 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m sorry that things aren’t going better. Though it seems that most of the issues are that the bridesmaids aren’t excited enough and you’re having trouble figuring out a dress they like? And a non-wedding related FB post that got out of hand? Certainly nobody should ever say that your wedding dress is ugly, but the rest of the stuff seems non-wedding related or not worth stressing about. Pick a dress and tell them to get it and be done with it. And don’t worry if they aren’t more excited. It’s not their wedding and there are plenty of bees here that can be excited with you!

And as to the warning of this post? Weddings do not, necessarily, bring out the worst in people. For me, the wedding absolutely brought out the best in people. Everyone was so kind and helpful and I felt incredibly loved and supported. I had zero issues with my bridesmaids/guys. They didn’t really help with wedding planning and weren’t super excited about the wedding all the time, but I didn’t expect them to be. So bridesmaids aren’t inherently drama. And, mine at least, were a great source of emotional support during wedding planning and especially on the day of the wedding. I continue to rely on them as a newlywed and plan to continue throughout my marriage. That’s why they stoof up with me. 

Post # 6
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

You know you don’t NEED bridesmaids, right? The fact that you replaced your MOH – twice – indicates that you view bridesmaids as slots to be filled instead of a way to honor and be supported by your best friends at your wedding. I suspect that explains a lot of the trouble you seem to be having.

Post # 7
Member
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m sorry to hear you’ve had such a bad experience. I have seven bridesmaids and everyone has been really easygoing so far. They’re traveling to Charleston for a wknd for my bachelorette and everyone has been happy and sweet about my choices for the wedding. I’m not saying this to make you feel bad, I just want to let other brides-to-be who may be reading your warning know it’s definitely not always like that.

Would you be willing to choose a color and length for the dresses and let them choose a style they’re comfortable with? I definitely don’t expect my bridesmaids to be as excited about my wedding as I am, but they certainly shouldn’t be saying mean things like your dress is ugly. Did you tell her how that made you feel? The friend that told you to drop dead doesn’t sound like a great friend anyway. Maybe your first MOH is going through some things you don’t know about. Perhaps ask her if everything is going okay in her life? I’m glad your friend Heather has been a champ. I know it’s hard, but try to shake off the drama and focus on moving forward with the bridesmaids that are still with you. Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Cheese and Rice! Thank you for posting this – I honestly thought it was just me having BM issues (bridesmaid… not bowel movement, though I’d take the latter right now).

Count your blessings that at lease your MOH bowed out when she realized she wasn’t up to the task. Unfortunately mine is hanging on for dear life and she is MISERABLE. Every step of the way has been nothing but an inconvenience for her. “I hate the dress, what am I supposed to do with my kid during the wedding, I don’t know what color ‘ivory’ is for shoes, I don’t want to go away for your bachelorette so you shouldn’t either)… and so on. I’ve let every single thing slide, but I’m afraid this has really put a dent in our friendship (18 years worth of it!)

My other bridesmaids have been fine… but not in the least bit helpful. They haven’t helped with anything… at all. Nor have they offered. I feel like I’m putting way more energy into getting them excited for my big day than I should be and it’s breaking my heart.

My advice to new brides – choose WISELY. I won’t go as far as to say “don’t have bridesmaids” because I think that, given the right group, it can be among the most memorable times of your life. But I reiterate… CHOOSE THEM WISELY. If you don’t, it’s a nightmare.

Good luck 300spurple. Thanks for making me realize i’m not crazy.

Post # 10
Member
2395 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

So, you’re just using your BMs as props?  Why else would you keep replacing them when they drop out?  And why would they keep dropping out if you’re not giving them reason to?  Sounds like these friendships weren’t that important to you in the first place if you’re willing to treat these girls so poorly.

Post # 11
Member
943 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Weddings can definitely bring out everyone’s true colors!

For the perfect PPs who keep making comments about the OPs view of bridesmaids: how do you know exactly what happened? Maybe the OP and her FI decided on a certain number of people in the wedding party, and there were some “must include” people (relatives, etc) on the list? OP even said her friend stepped up and WANTED to be a bridesmaid. As I said, weddings tend to be a time when true colors show, and those aren’t necessarily all bad. Maybe while OP was having issues with her original bridal party, other friends really stepped up and she realized how much they wanted to be there for her. 

Post # 13
Member
248 posts
Helper bee

I understand and that is why we donot have a wedding party. Two of my best friends and one of his are making speeches.,Thats it!!

 

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