Post # 1
I’ve been with my fiance for 4 years, 3 of which we have lived together. We have a really cute dog, live in the best neighborhood, hang out all the time, are basically best friends. I have fun just sitting on the couch with him, which is why i love him. We listen to the same music, go to the same events, cook together, and share many similar interests. He has supported me through everyone, even my worst awful quirky moments that have made no sense. He has never lied to me to my knowledge, cheated, been abusive or uttered any harsh words for that matter. People call him a generous saint. He is amazing. I was the one who wanted to get engaged; i would look online at rings and dresses incessantly until he got the picture. He didn’t feel pressure (or at least he says this) and felt very excited to finally give me the ring i’ve always wanted…
and then…i said I DON’T KNOW! the worst 48 hours of our relationship. He cried and screamed and basically said that he didn’t understand where our relationship was going if i would be doubting his proposal. He was confused, hurt and said he didn’t trust me. After the 48 hrs., i said yes and felt much better about my decision. That being said, my friends think i’m nuts. And a couple of my closest are not supporting my decision; they feel i’ve said yes just because he cried, they’ve expressed concerns that i’m settling or he doesn’t challenge me. All of this making my doubts, and my sleep, much worse. But then we’ll visit venues, and i’ll get excited and confident in my choice again. I’m feeling manic and up and down lately…
i do have to say, my friends have reason to doubt me right now considering i have expressed concerns when we have had difficulties in the past (we had a very hard year last year.) We are also entering a hard transition because he’s going back to school and i just quit my job. All of this feels really strange, scary and confusing. And then i forget it sometimes and feel i’m doing the right thing. I don’t know…anyone feeling similar? I’m going to venture reading other “doubts” posts of the boards. I thank you all in advance!
Post # 3
Well it seems like you said “Idk” because of the difficult year that you 2 had. I guess we would need to know more about the difficulties that you had with him and how heated things got to tell you if you should be douting your engagement or not. Btw your friends need to support your decision rather they agree with it or not unless the guy is a real loser or something.
Post # 4
thanks a lot for responding! yes, it’s been awkward…because specifically my best guy friend thinks “im settling” and i’m not sure he has ulterior motives…
about the problems, they came from lack of romance and that we would often argue that i want “to be surprised.” Also, that we have on-going financial issues that we could both work on; no one is directly at fault there. I’m just worried that with me quitting and him going back to school, that those will come back to haunt us even more now. also, i have a tendency to just straight up “get bored.”
Post # 5
Hmmm, sounds like you are having some issues. I doubted a lot of things in the time of our engagement, but never my husband.
Post # 6
@honeycomb123:I think if you’re having any sort of doubts you need to sit down and talk honestly and frankly with your Fiance. It’s never easy but make sure to get down to the nitty gritty of what is really bothering you. I’ve had doubts in the past and when I really sat and thought about them and talked them out with my FI the doubts weren’t about us or him they were more my insecurities and how that effected how I saw us.
Just make sure you’re excited and commited to the marriage not just excited about the wedding – it’s way too easy to get swept up in the planning madness.
Post # 7
@honeycomb123: Well since you are not sure if your guy friend might have ulterier motives maybe you should check in with your married or engaged friends. The reason that I say married or engaged girls is because sometimes single and waiting girls get jealous and might give bad advice and a guy as we already said might have ulterier motives. You might also want to see about your family’s opinions. Like your mom or sister or brother(dads can be a bit over protective and not really want to give up their baby lol)
It does look like the money issues you guys are having are going to get worse before they get better and the costs of a wedding might add another thing to fight about so be careful in that area.
About wanting to be suprised, thats not the most important thing in the world and not worth fighting over. Sometimes its better to just know that the guy is going to marry you rather than waiting and waiting and getting stressed out and wondering when and if and then being suprised or even worse being suprised when you have hit your 5 year anniversary and he still hasn’t asked you.
When it comes to getting bord, I know what you are talking about I get pretty bord pretty fast too but you don’t want to keep jumping from guy to guy just to stay entertained and then find yourself single and reaching the age where its getting too late to have kids and most of the guys your age are already taken.
Post # 8
Check out the book Conscious Bride or her web site http://conscious-transitions.com/conscious-weddings/
Transitions are scary. But you need to figure out if you are just feeling the scariness of a transition in your life or if your gut is telling you that this is a mistake.