- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
I am writing this because I am having some doubts about my upcoming marriage and I’m hoping to get some outside perspective. I’ve been engaged for about six months. I know my fiance loves me and believes I am “the one,” but I am beginning to realize we have some very different ideas about basic fundamentals and it’s becoming very concerning to me.
He constantly makes rash decisions, especially when it comes to finances and big purchases (i.e buying cars he can’t afford while we are searching to purchase a home, attempting to sell our house without a real estate agent claiming he knows how to do all the paperwork and it’s really ‘easy,’ racking up several thousand dollars in credit card debt and then criticizing me for buying certain items at the grocery store because they’re too “expensive,” etc.). He brushes off my concerns about his finances like it’s no big deal. I am beginning to lose a little bit of respect for him because (in my opinion) he doesn’t think things through like a rational adult. I’ve worked very hard to establish good credit and a solid financial future for myself and I worry this will all crumble if he continues on this path and we get married.
Also, from the very beginning of our relationship we’ve talked about wanting kids one day. He recently mentioned to me he’s not sure if he wants kids–that he doesn’t really care and he’ll let me be the one to decide. This really shocked me. I feel like if you are going to have kids, you have to truly want them. It is a BIG committment — and I feel like if we do have kids, I will always be wondering if he wants them in his life or if he just made a ‘sacrifice’ and had them because I wanted to.
The wedding planning has also been a nightmare. He traveled around the world a lot as a kid and wants to have a destination wedding. I have spent TONS of time doing research to find the “perfect” place and no matter what I come up with, it is not “tropical” enough, or it somehow does not meet expectations. It makes me a little sad because I feel like he should want to marry me no matter where it is. We have finally found a place, but I’m honestly kind of dreading my own wedding because all of these thoughts are weighing me down.
I hate to end our relationship because I really do love him. He makes me laugh like no one can and he truly does love me. He is an honest, caring person. I just can’t get these feelings of hesitation out of my mind and I don’t want to walk down the aisle and realize ten years down the road that I should’ve listened to my gut.
Thoughts? I could really use some advice…