- 6 years ago
I can’t believe I’m here writing this.
Our invitations are supposed to go out THIS week, and the thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.
I have been with my fiancé (let’s call him Mike), for 10 years. We started dating when I was 16, he was 18. I was actually with my ex boyfriend prior to him when we met (whom I dated for 2 years), and basically broke up with my ex and went straight to Mike. Within about 2 months, I pretty much left home and moved in with him and his Mom. We had our shares of ups and downs – he *used* to be severly abusive, didn’t have a job, had a horrible temper, and I caught him sneaking around to strip clubs behind my back.
Fast forward about 6 years – the abuse went away, and you would never know he even had a temper. He’s completley devoted and loyal to me. He works full time now – not the best job, but he brings in a steady paycheck. He treats me like gold. Most girls are envious of how I have it with him and how he treats me.
July 2009, i got pregnant and we now have an amazing son who means the world to both of us. About a year after I had my son, I started chatting with one of Mike’s buddies, and eventually we started liking eachother. We slept with eachother 3 times. Somehow the truth came out, and Mike found out about this. However, he only thinks it happened 1 time (not 3). When Mike found out, the temper did come back (he smacked me across my face), and we fought for days….weeks. But because of our son, we tried everything to make it work and managed to pull through. A few months later he proposed to me. I always said we wouldn’t even get married, however once my son was born I did not like the fact that he had Mikes last name and wanted him to know that marriage is in fact important and I can’t instill these values in my child when I don’t act upon them myself. So within weeks after being engaged, we we’re heavy into the wedding planning.
So now that brings me to now. We are about 15K into the wedding already. We are inviting 250 people – everyone knows this wedding is coming…I can’t go a day without it being mentioned to me. Everyone is just so so excited – more than I am.
I don’t know what it is. On paper, he is amazing. He is likely the best father you would ever meet. He allows me to sleep in on the weekends by getting up with our son. He is purely devoted to him. He lets me shop whenever I want. I can go out with the girls whenever I want (however, the days after I go out we tend to fight and he brings up trust issues and how he doesn’t trust me). He never goes out, and shows no interest in doing it. One time he did go out, and hated it saying that his place was at home with our son, not at the bar. He will voluntarily give me full body massages every night. Cooks me dinner….the list goes on. He’s even been doing the DIY wedding projects without me even asking.
My problem – I have no attraction to him anymore. Zero. I avoid sex all together. He complains i’m not affectionate but its hard for me to be to someone I am not attracted too. What do I do!? Does the affection go away out of all relationships? Do they all dwindle down to how mine is after that many years. In 20 years we’ll attraction even matter?
I look forward to going to work every day just so I can go out and associate with new faces and flirt – maybe I didn’t spend enough time (any time) single when i was young and thats why i’m feeling like this.
A relative in his family is now deathly sick and likely doesn’t have long to live. The one thing she has been looking forward to is the wedding. Her goal is to survive and make it to the wedding. That just puts a whole extra added stress on my shoulders. His family is MY family – we are all so tight with eachother.
I’m so confused and lost. I don’t know what to do. Thanks for any advice/tips/help!