Having kids = a big decision

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
1518 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

I can’t say anything for your cousin, but your friend sounds like she knew exactly that she wanted a baby for a very long time (and did what she thought she had to to get one). She told you she wanted a family awhile ago, it’s clearly important to her, and since you’re not inside her mind, she was probably thinking about it WAY more than you know about. That’s not exactly just “suddenly deciding” to get pregnant. I can understand your hesitation about the way she went about becoming pregnant, but the actual decision on her part sounds pretty intentional and I do think you’re being a smidge judgemental.

Don’t get me wrong. I get it. I think A LOT about if I’m ready to become a mom someday. A lot. And I’m not even looking for it to happen any time soon, at least 4-5 years down the road. But the only person I talk to about it is my FI. I just don’t feel comfortable bringing it up around my family, and I doubt that will change. If I do decide to ever become pregnant, I’m not going to announce to the world all the fears and thoughts and questions that constantly plague my heart and head. Why would I? So yes, it might seem like a casual decision, that one day I just decided it was a good time to become pregnant, but the reality is no one knows everything I’ve thought about and been through to reach that point.

Post # 3
Member
2007 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Anna113619:  I agree with you. While DH and I do plan on having kids of our own, we aren’t rushing. We’re putting off TTC to make sure that we’re in the best place possible as far as our finances and me taking time off of work. We’ve really thought it through. It makes me sick when people don’t seem to have the same regard for reproducing. So irresponsible.

Your first friend sounds a little off…but I don’t know her, or her side of the story, so I’ll leave it at that lol. I, too, know a few people who are married/in a LTR and seriously thought that having a baby (or a 2nd or 3rd) would “fix” the relationship. Now they are as miserable as ever. Their spouses are miserable and their kids are miserable. I feel bad for the children.

Post # 5
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee

Some people take having a child like getting another pet. I am of the camp that if you and your partner  don’t want a child 110% and are emotionally, physically, and financially ready for a child don’t have them.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
4794 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

Anna113619:  I agree somewhat. I think it IS a big decision that a lot of people don’t think about entirely. And a lot of people do. I think it’s a societal “norm” to get married and have a family so I think people have that stuck in their heads. As well as the fact that there is an innate urge to procreate. It’s just “in” us. Well, not me, but a lot of other people. I don’t have kids either.

Post # 7
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

im with you, the way she went about it would definately make me speechless as well..

Im in no way ready for kids nor do I think I want them, just me but everyone says you’ll grow up get less selfish and want 5 kids by the time your 30. highly doubt it lol.

my gf has a strict plan on she wants her SO proposing in a year or so [ shes been waiting over 5] and wants to have 2-3 by the time shes 30 and become a SAHW/M And shes 25. She’s also always loved kids where I definately do not lol. maybe lil babies but thats it.

ive heard many a time that some ppl have kids to fix their relationship, i have NEVER understood that, cuz once the kids out the problems are still there no?

Anna113619:  

Post # 8
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

sway0060:  agreed!!

I want many furbabies as kids!

Post # 9
Member
2580 posts
Sugar bee

 

Amerie27:  

HaHa you sound like me we have two dogs that I love like children. My fiance said maybe next Christmas we can have a third.

I have all the babies I need

Post # 10
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

sway0060:  um you better not tell me where you live cuz id scoop em up! lmao!!!!!

Such cute little bums! omg i just wana get in the middle of that! lol

 

Post # 11
Member
6865 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

Anna113619:  I don’t have kids, and I’m pretty judgey about others with kids. Whoops. I think your friend is kind of dumb for setting out to do that, because 1) she obviously didn’t ask the lawn man if HE wanted kids and 2) now her child could potentially be brought up without a father.

I have cousins younger than me with multiple kids. They have said stupid things to me like, “What is the point of having spare bedrooms in your house if you don’t fill them with children.” <- really!?

I also have a friend who said that her marriage wouldn’t even last 3 months (um, why are you marrying him?) but 2 months later she’s pregnant. When I asked her why, she said it’s because, “I was always my parents’ favorite kid, but then my sister had kids and I don’t get any attention from our mom. So now I’m pregnant hoping my mom will pay attention to me.” WUT.

Post # 13
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

my SO thinks im nuts….lol im gettin a kitten for christmas, but truth is id love about 5 dogs and 3 cats in my house lol. im not allowed to ‘shop’ for kittens because he knows me well enough to know he’d come home to 12 kittens n 10 puppies and me in the middle playing with all of them lol

Post # 15
Member
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

FutureDrAtkins:  that sounds all kinds of messed up!!!

go have kids because you have spare rooms that need to be filled.

ohhhh boy!

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