Having one brothers girlfriend in my wedding party and not the other brothers?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

Why would anyone be offended that you invited your friend, but not someone you’ve never talked to?  I would phrase it that way, vs GF vs GF which it is not.

I would consider though how you and your brother would feel if the GF and your brother broke up before the wedding.  They would have to interact and be together for the entire wedding, and pre-festivities.

Post # 4
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I had this problem too, except the girl I wanted to ask was FI’s brother’s GF and the other two were wives. I decided that didn’t want to hurt any feelings, so I decided to make said GF a reader instead of a bridesmaid. I figured that reader is an honored position, but not enough so to where the others would be jealous. 

In your situation, I would do what your heart tells you to do. I’m guessing that your wedding date isn’t correct since you just got engaged, so you don’t need to feel rushed in this decision. Take some time and weigh the pros and cons. Take into account both of your brothers’ feelings. They are family, so they are the ones that are most important and who’s opinions you should value a bit more. Don’t make your mom pressure you to add someone that you don’t want. That will just cause more drama down the road. 

And honestly, if your relationship is like you describe, the girl you don’t ask really shouldn’t be offended. There is no real relationship there without your brother, so no pressure for you to add her to your wedding party. 

 

Post # 7
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

i wouldn’t want to do this b/c what if they break up later and she’s in all your wedding pics.  anyhow, idk if it would cause too much drama or not w/o knowing the people involved.

Post # 8
Member
3223 posts
Sugar bee

@Future_Mrs_C25978:  I guess the other thing to consider, is do you think this girl will still be in YOUR life if they break up.

I personally, wouldn’t have a psedo family memeber like this in my wedding party.  It would be too uncomfortable for me to have someone who has a turbulent relationship with my brother in my party.  But you have to decide what’s right for you.

Post # 9
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I have 3 sisters, one of them is married and one is engaged. My fiance has just recently asked my sister’s husband (my BIL and his soon to be BIL) to be a groomsmen, but not my other sister’s fiance. We spend time with my BIL and see him often. We don’t hang out with my other sister’s fiance much, she comes around all the time, but without him…he always has some reason he isn’t attending family things (we are a close family and hang out all the time). My fiance and her fiance barely speak and certainly arent friends, so I wasn’t going to make him ask someone he barely knows to be in our wedding. I really don’t have much of a relationship with her fiance either. We want to look back at our photos and smile at all the people in them who were by our side. My BIL isn’t going anywhere, whereas her fiance, not so sure they will end up getting married to be honest….

You just gotta hope that people understand…and if you don’t have a relationship with this girl, she shouldn’t be upset and probably won’t be (unless she likes drama as metioned, but if she does, then don’t worry about her dramatic butt). If this does make her upset at all, hopefully it will just make her realize that you guys need to build a better closer relationship like you have with the other girl. I am hoping the same for my situation as well, I know her fiance isn’t going to care at all, I am more worried about her feeling bummed, this just happened, so I don’t know if she even knows yet. plan to bring it up this weekend. 

I personally would never be upset over someone’s choice of bridal party..it’s that person’s wedding and they should have who they want, I always feel bad when I hear people ask people only because they have to, shouldn’t be that way. I certainly would never want to be asked to be a BM by someone who really didn’t want me to be one! BM are the closest people to you, period. 

Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

She’s your friend, ask her. If all your brothers were married and you only picked one sister in law, I can see why some people would be busted up….but they’re not. So it’s cool. 

I am close friends with my fiance’s cousin, and even when we split up for a year we were still close friends. If I were having bridesmaids I would ask her becuase she’s my friend, not because she’s his cousin. So I think if you’re making the decision for that reason, then you go girl. If not, then you might want to reconsider. 

Post # 14
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

wow, sorry, my computer froze and apparently posted mine three times! Sorry bees! Can’t figure out how to delete?

Post # 15
Member
2056 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would be sure to think about what you’d want to happen if they broke up.  It sounds like the GF you’re closer to, you would try to stay friends with, and the other one, probably not.  I was debating whether to ask my brother’s long term (4+ years) GF to be in my wedding, and ultimately decided no, because while I like her, we’re not super closer.  Well, they just broke up.  I am so glad she wasn’t going to be in the wedding because that would be super awkward!  I don’t think we’ll stay in touch now that they are not together.

 

Just something to consider.

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