Post # 1
About my ENTIRE relationship! I’m so lost I’m not even sure WHAT to do anymore…SO and I have been together for two years now and I love him very much…we’ve had several convos about marriage and a future together. He works constantly so we rarely see each other and we are COMPLETE opposites! Right now he pays the bulk of the bills because I am finishing up school. It is incredibly hard for me to live in an apartment where I can’t contribute much and it makes me incredibly insecure because I don’t like relying on other people for anything.
SO has stood by me thru a very tough time after finding out that I have a chronic pain condition that kept me in bed for 4 months. I stood by him for two years while he went thru a messy divorce with his ex wife. Although I love him, I feel like lately I have been getting angry at him for every little thing he says or does that I feel is an insult of some kind. There have been occasions where he has made comments about my cooking and cleaning in a passive aggressive way and he doesnt realize that it hurts me. It’s bad enough I can’t pay more of the bills, so to make up for it, I contribute by doing things around the house but part of me doesn’t want to do that anymore because it seems like it’s never up to his “standards”.
Am I being too sensitive about stuff? Is this a normal guy thing? Or am I just feeling this way because I’m really insecure right now?
Post # 3
You seem unhappy, and whether that stems from insecurity or not is something only you can tell. I do think that something is off, and you two should have an open conversation about it, or maybe see a counselor to discuss things with an indepenent mediator.
Post # 4
Im sorry your going through this right now. It sounds to me like your feelings are a result of several emotions you have been feeling like the insecurity thing about your financial contributions and maybe even some resentment about that or the sacrifices you have made to stand by him through a messy divorce…
I think you should take some time to sort through your feelings step away from them and see if this guy and this relationship has “value” to you without being colored by your feelings and emotions as they are right now. Does he meet your needs? Is he “THE” guy for you that you are in love with and want to be with for the rest of your life?
You guys also need to have a talk about things he says that hurts your feelings. You said he doesnt know that those things hurt your feelings! Does he know that you are only doing all those things to make up for the lack of financial contributions? He probably doesnt know any of this because men are not mind readers.
I think you need to do some soul searching about if this guy and this relationship can really make you happy. Were you guys ever happy together? And if this is really where you want to be (with him/in this relationship) then you guys need to have a conversation about how to start treating each other better and what needs to be done so that the relationship works for both of you.
Just my $0.02…
Post # 5
@MissThespian: Relationships take work and time spent together. They don’t just “happen.” It sounds as though the two of you are drifting apart due to your circumstances.
I understand he’s working a lot and you’re a student. But you need to put your relationship as a priority in your life (both of you) if you want to keep it.
Think of it as a child. You can’t neglect a child and expect it to thrive and grow and feel loved. Your relationship needs certain things:
Sharing of mutual interests for the purpose of bonding
If you can make a few changes and make each other the number one priority in your lives, your relationship will be better off for it. Schedule time for each other. Once you begin bonding in a loving, caring, sweet and intimate way all the other little annoying things will subside into the background. Your relationship is suffering from neglect right now, you need to take steps to revive it.
That’s my diagnosis, lol.
Post # 6
I completely agree with what you’ve all said about taking the time to focus on us as a couple. We realized it needed to happen too which is why we planned a trip for august just the two of us where we could really spend time together and figure out if this is what we both want. I just keep telling myself that things will get better once I’m working again because I’ll feel like I’m contributing more, but it’s just really hard work. This is the first relationship I’ve had that’s lasted longer than 3 months…I never thought it would be this hard…