Post # 1
Good Morning Bees!
I’ve been having a difficult couple of waiting days and didn’t know where else to turn. I don’t know why they have been so hard but I just feel so angry and fed up! I read everyone else’s posts and they are just wonderful encouraging words. It makes me smile to hear so many Bees talk about how excited they are that 2013 is their year! I know 2013 is my year, and I’ve been told it’s coming soon, but why can’t I be happy? Instead of being positive and saying “It will happen this year!” Or waking up and saying “One day closer!” I’m left wondering about when it will happen, or has he even started the process?!
I feel terrible that I can’t just be happy that it’s “My year”. What is wrong with me that I can’t just focus on the positive? How do all you Bees stay so positive? What do you do when you just want to go home and scream “When is it going to happen?!” If you Bees have any encouraging words of wisdom I would love to hear it!
Post # 3
hugs to you, I’m sorry you’re feeling like this and I totally feel your pain!!
I wish I had an answer for you, I like what one bee said on here and that is to just trust your partner, they will do it, just have faith in him and try to chill! A lot of other bees suggest focusing on yourself, nails, hair, skin, hobbies etc… anything to take your mind off it! A good vent on here works too!
Or you can compare yourself to me (lol) ….been together 9 years, timeline was supposed to be ending next month but been told not to expect anything now….. See it could be worse!! I’m not bitter, I just find I have to be lighthearted about it or I might cry!!!
A year isn’t long, you’re gonna be ok, just hang in there it’s coming!!
Post # 4
@EmilyJoy: I totally understand where you are coming from. I am sorry you are having such a hard time, just remember we are here for you when you need to vent about how bad it sucks sometimes to have to wait. I am having a hard time keeping my mouth shut to my SO about getting engaged. I know he is sick of hearing about it but I can’t stop talking and thinking about it. Just stay encouraged!
Post # 5
Can you just think about the fact that you are with the person you love and want to spend the rest of your life with, and not focus on a wedding so much?
Post # 6
I totally understand your frustration. I felt exactly the same way in november and december, but i have felt better and better recently. I think it is because i know for certain that SO has started the process (HE HAS A FUND!!). Maybe you could talk to your SO and just ask him to tell you if he has stated working towards it. Know that he is has allowed me to be much more calm and WAAAYYY less sad.
Post # 7
I’m totally with you – waiting is the worst and I have had some pretty down days myself. The best thing I have found is to try and stay busy and lean on us for support when you need it 🙂
Post # 8
I completely understand where you’re coming from. I’m having a funny couple of days with it myself, triggered in part by people asking recently how long we’ve been together (7 yr anniversary coming up in March) and family at Christmas saying how a good wedding is needed in the family soon (or in the case of my uncle, asking me if I’m bored of him/ waiting for him yet).
I just try and remember what an amazing man I have and there’s nobody else I would want to be with, but I still can’t help longing for that extra connection of being a wife rather than ‘just the girlfriend’. Maybe that’s just a self-esteem thing from me, but that’s how it crosses my mind now and then.
Hang in there, and yes stayed encouraged that you know it is coming at some point, and keep yourself occupied 🙂
Post # 9
@Pinkrefresher: Aww thank you! You are right, I do need to trust that he will do it. And I know that he will do it soon, but I always soon to be tomorrow haha. Oh yes, I love some me time! Who doesn’t love to pamper themselves?! See now, that’s part of what makes me feel terrible! I haven’t been waiting years, I’m just not very patient haha. Maybe your SO is trying to throw you off and will surprise you any day now!! Thank you, you are right! A year isn’t long and hopefully it will be here sooner than that!
@jigga143: Do I ever know what you mean!! It is impossible to keep shut about getting engaged! I am good at not talking about it because I know if I shut up, he will be more inclined to do it. But goodness, how do you keep your feelings from the person closest to you haha. Thank you Bee! You stay encouraged as well!!
@whitums: You are right, that is exactly I should be thinking about! I am always thinking about how lucky I am to have such a great person to share my life with, I just need to focus on that more!
@Bookaholic: Now that is exciting!!!! That’s so adorable that he has a fund for it I love it!!!! I do know that my SO has the money for the ring. Which, I guess you are right, that should calm me down. That’s an excellent way of looking at it!! Thank you!! It sounds like your waiting days are winding down!
@Lily_of_the_valley: Thank you, staying busy definitely helps and I have found since finding you all, I don’t feel quite as jittery as I used to haha!
@LittleWigeon: Ugh yes, family and friends asking those questions always trigger me too. I know exactly what you mean! I can’t picture my life with anyone else, but when you feel like so much more and you’re just the girlfriend it’s tough. It’s not about the wedding, it’s about the act of getting married and that connection that comes with it. Thank you, such great words of wisdom and encouragement!
Post # 10
I’ve been there- and it is horrid. I have had good waiting days the last couple but days but honestly, I feel like waiting is a cycle of good and bad waiting days- at least for me. I love the wonderful waiting bees on here for that reason- bc I can talk about how I feel and other people understand where I am coming from- it is therapeutic for me.
The holidays are tough when you have family and friends constantly questioning you about when you two are getting engaged/ married. When all these people external to the relationship keep bringing it up, it’s a lot easier for you to think about it all the time.
It drives me crazy that I am just a girlfriend! But I have been running so that 1) I am more healthy and 2) I will be ready for dress shopping! And I think about my SO- he is an incredible partner to me regardless of the fact we aren’t official. And last week when my married friend complained about her husband who just watches tV after work and don’t help with the house or cook dinner, I realized that my SO and I worked more as a team- he helps with my dishes and cooks a lot (he was a chef) and we don’t even live together yet! He is so supportive of my schooling and career, he challenges me religiously and intellectually, he is always concerned about my well being, and he makes me laugh! I know SO is trying to make this happen and make me happy- patience is a virtue and I’m working on it! And I can see all of this clearly today bc I’m having a good waiting day, but tomorrow I could feel hurt and upset and resentful about waiting- just the way it goes!
Post # 11
I went through an angry stage before FI proposed – I kept it all in (except on the boards) and thought I was going to EXPLODE. Then one day I decided to stop worrying about it. It wasn’t easy, but I FORCED myself to chill out – and he wound up proposing like a few days later.
I will tell you one thing though: You know how when you’re little all you want to do is grow up and people tell you that one day you’ll miss being little and you don’t believe them – but then you do grow up and being an adult and having responsibilities SUCKS and you realize they were right? Well its the same with the waiting game – once it is over, there is some relief – but honestly, I do miss that anticipation sometimes!!
Post # 12
I just wanted to say I feel you! I know how you feel and think it can best be described as blargh but the only thing I can say is that the feeling goes away and that you need to remember there will be good waiting days too. Good luck!
Post # 13
I know it’s hard, and you’re so excited…I remember feeling anxious too, but I never brought it up with my SO, because I felt like it would take away from both the surprise and the feeling of “he’s asking me because HE wants to spend the rest of his life with ME”. Instead I feel like if someone gets nagged it takes away some of the magic. Just my two cents though!
Post # 14
@HeartsandSparkles: You are right it is definetly a cycle of good and bad days! Ugh yes, hearing about it from everyone else makes it impossible to forget about it! Good for you, that is fantastic!! You are going to be in amazing shape for dress shopping! You bring up so many good points. The important thing is how amazing my SO is and how great we are together! Those are qualities that many look for and never find.
@KatyLovesJoey: That is truly something I never even considered. You are right, anticipation can be great qnd once it happens, thats it its over! I hope that I can just push it out of my head like you did!
@MariaW: Thank you, you are right that is exactly what I am feeling! Tomorrow will be a better day!
@whitums: You’re exactly right! I dont bring it up with my SO because I know he thinks it will ruin the surprise and nobody wants to be nagged! Pushing him certainly wont make anything happen any faster. I think thats why some days are hard bc I keep this all bottled up. You have given some great advice thank you!
Post # 16
Just try and be safe in the knowledge it’s coming…some of us simply get an umcomfortable ‘I don’t know’ whenever marriage/engagement is mentioned!!
Breath, try and get some perspective….you know for sure it’s coming and keep your mind occupied!
Best of luck <3