Post # 1
Hi all. I haven’t been on the bee much lately, but something has been weighing on me.
This summer I’ll be 30. I also have PCOS. I’m not sure if it will make conception that much more difficult- the consequences of PCOS seem to vary so much depending on the woman.
Darling Husband is really laid back about it all. He says he wouldn’t mind having a kid in 2 years or 10 years. So I feel like I really need to ask myself what I want.
Here are my thoughts so far:
- I’d prefer to have a child before I’m technically ready, rather than waiting too long and having a lot of trouble having kids
- We are OK with having only 1 child
- On the one hand, I imagine how joyous and fulfilling and sweet it is to have a child
- On the other hand, I love my freedom and my private time with my husband, and I also still want to put lots of energy into my career at this point.
Childcare (babycare specifically) seems all consuming and totally overwhelming. I would want to spend the first year at home with the baby (after that our mothers would step in to help when I get back to work)- I have no idea when I know I’ll be ready for this. The total 180 degree change it will bring to our world…
How do you know when you’re ready? Do you ever know? A part of me wants a child SO badly, and another part of me is very frightened of the changes that come along with the joy….
I know that no one can tell me when the right time is for me…
When did you all know you were ready? And how did you balance it all?
Post # 3
@Evie19: This is tough…for me, I knew I was ready when my Darling Husband and I started talking about marriage. I am 31, with a history of abmormal pap’s, LEEP’s and cone biopsies so I assumed I would have a hard time getting/staying pregnant. We started trying on our honeymoon and it worked the first time. I’m now 26 weeks and could not be more excited or terrified about how the baby is going to change our lives. I too, love being just with my Darling Husband and worry about how it will impact our relationship but I feel like it’s actually brought us closer because it’s something we both want and feel ready for.
Post # 4
@Evie19: It’s totally a personal choice and I’ve always been told “if you wait until you are ready, you will never have kids” As someone who just found out they are pregnant (this week!) i have a thousand thoughts going through my head. While we have talked about kids and definitely want a family i think we were going to give it another year. so when i found out i was just blown away and freaked out a little bit. I’m not going to lie, I think about how in 8 months i wont get to sleep until 9 or 10 on the weekends anymore, i wont be able to just come home from work and sit on my couch and veg out, i wont be able to have drinks on my vacation to st. Marten in june! ugh…but in the end…having a child with the person i love and to see what we have made makes it 100 percent worth it to me. I’m only 5 weeks in but already i feel something for that little baby. I just try and look at the people around me with kids and while their lives changed they still seem to live life to the fullest. Having a child does not mean the fun stops now. Good Luck on whatever you decide!
Post # 5
I suppose mixed feelings just can’t be avoided sometimes.
My sister-in-law said that although her pregnancy was a total surprise it did bring her closer to her husband and she is happy.
Post # 6
@totheislnds: Congratulations! It’s nice to hear from other people who worry about similar issues.
It’s good to be reminded that the joy outweighs the freak-out! 🙂
I wish you a happy healthy pregnancy.
Post # 7
I feel the same way. I just turned 35 this week. I got married last September and started a new job last November. We just planned a big, expensive, adventurous delayed honeymoon this August, plus we have to attend a wedding in South America in October. Like a PP mentioned, it is never a good time to interrupt your life in such a major way. My husband and I are both ambivalent about it; however, we also feel confident that we would regret not having children in the long run.
Right now our plan is to start TTC either after our August trip (which has a very pregnancy-unfriendly itinerary) or after our October trip (which is still marginal but not as bad as the August trip). Given my age, I don’t want to hold off much longer. What if we have trouble TTC? But I still think it’s important to have this “splurge” year first to really enjoy our marriage. I’m so torn!
ETA: I’m also a little shocked that I feel this way. When I was single, I always expected that I’d have a family, but now that it’s a real possibility it is freaking me out!
Post # 8
@ElbieKay: I’m the same! I never used to feel torn about it at all…I’ve always been so excited about the idea of having a child.
But when the idea becomes a potential reality…yikes! It’s overwhelming.
Taking at least a year sounds like a good plan.
Post # 9
Anyone else have any input?