(Closed) Having to invite people I don't really care for :(

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

why does your brother feel so strongly about inviting him?

Post # 5
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

This kind of thing REALLY irks me. If your brother was nice enough to pitch in money for your wedding then that is wonderful…but that DOES NOT mean that he gets to tell you who to invite to YOUR wedding. I would very nicely say “I’m sorry but I feel very uncomfortable inviting people I hardly know to the wedding, we are going to keep the guest list as is.” If he says anything about the money then I would offer to give it back or pay it back if it’s already been spent. Stand your ground 🙂

Post # 6
Member
3830 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your brother can’t dictate who you invite to your wedding. I would personally tell him to piss off….politely of course. 

Post # 7
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I am inviting my brother’s close friend and his wife to our wedding just so that my (very shy) brother will have someone he knows there other than family members.  Do you think it could be his way of subtley trying to make sure he has someone to talk to other than family there?  Just a thought.  

Post # 9
Member
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

Tell him No if you really don’t want the person there.

Post # 10
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@petitcupcake:  That is a bit weird. I always find it odd when guys have strong opinions towards weddings.. they’re guys. Most are just happy to go w. the flow.

I agree since this is a small wedding it would be weird.

Can you talk to your brother again and make the case that it would be weird for the guest? That’s how I’d approach it. You don’t want him to be uncomfortable, etc. since everyone knows everyone.

Ask your brother why he NEEDS this person to be invited – it is your wedding after all.

Post # 11
Member
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If you have the space and it is not a financial burden I would invite them. I think its worth it to make sure your brother is comfortable. It sounds like while you do not know him well, you don’t have an issue with him and he won’t cause a scene. If it bothers you that you don’t know him well, you could always try to hang out with him a few times between now and the wedding. Maybe you’ll make two new friends out of it. I would go on a triple date with you, your FI, your brother, whomever your brother is dating, your brother’s friend, and your brother’s friend’s FI.

Post # 12
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@petitcupcake:  That is the exact same as me.  I have a very close group of friends, as does my Fiance.  And I also think my brother is intimidated/uncomfortable with my Fiance and his friends just because they are the same age (5 years older than me) and my Fiancé and all his close friends graduated from the same degree program my brother had to drop out of because he couldn’t pass a certain class to move forward.

 

Maybe if you think that’s the case, you could make an acception or even just invite them to the reception and not the intimate ceremony?  

Post # 13
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I’m curious as to why most people here are saying “don’t invite him”, despite the brother helping out with $2000, when if it were the parents who were contributing and then insisting on person x, y or z, there’d be some sort of uproar about how “if your parents are helping to pay, then they should get some sort of say”. I don’t get it.

However, I don’t disagree with anyone here who says not to invite the friend. As with another poster, I don’t believe that giving money to the couple comes with strings. Now, if it were a matter of, “I will give you $2000 as long as you invite Friend A,” that would be agreeing to terms up front. It would be weird, but it would be honest. To pull unknown strings later on, though, is just…crappy. 

I do see your point, though, that he wouldn’t know anyone there aside from family. We, too, are having a very small wedding (19 invitations sent out, a few no, the rest yes, most with a +1, but not all) and I told all of them to bring whomever they’d like. They all know me or they know Paul, so they know what type of people we get along with, so we’re fine with not having met some of these folks before the wedding. Because we have a weird mix of family and friends who have never met each other, we wanted to make sure that everyone had at least one person to hang out with that night.

But I also get that it’s not for everyone to invite, well, everyone. And that’s cool. It doesn’t bother us to have people we don’t yet know, but it would bother you. And in that case, I say don’t invite him. 

Post # 14
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

“I really don’t want to say “nice to meet you” to someone at my small intimate wedding.” <


This!
 

My mom is paying some part of the wedding too and she wanted to invite some of her friends I have never met from work ( who she never hangs out with outside of work) to my wedding and I told her no. Basically because she wanted like 6 more people which is like 400 dollars in food and drink that i feel would be better spent elsewhere but mostly because I don’t want strangers at my wedding. It is a personal and private day. Period!

Post # 15
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you should tell your  brother that what you imagined was a small celebration with the people closest to you, and while you really don’t know his friend and would feel awkward having someone you don’t know present at such an intimate moment, if it’s really important to him, you’ll invite the friend. It might be that when he understands the kind of celebration you envision, he’ll change his mind. Personally, I would feel very awkward if I were the friend, especially if it’s such a small wedding, and I didn’t know the bride or groom personally.

Post # 16
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@ellisrobertson:  “I’m curious as to why most people here are saying “don’t invite him”, despite the brother helping out with $2000, when if it were the parents who were contributing and then insisting on person x, y or z, there’d be some sort of uproar about how “if your parents are helping to pay, then they should get some sort of say”.”

I also do not believe that parents should ask you to invite people. My mom is helping with mine and she would never ask me to invite someone. If someone offers a monetary gift to help then it is just that, a gift…out of the goodness of their heart…to make YOUR day special. It is not a party for everyone. It does not entitle anyone, even parents to tell you who to invite.

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