Post # 1
I know I haven’t been on in a while. I’ve been so overwhelmed.
I don’t know if this will work out. It’s been 3 months of long distance and we barely talk on the phone, he still doesn’t have internet so we never skype, I just feel horrible and alone. I feel like I have to put my relationship on a shelf. I feel like I’m going through a breakup but still being held on. I don’t think that’s how long-distance should feel.
I don’t want to be admitting this to myself. I don’t want to feel this way. But I don’t know how to make it better. I feel so completely, utterly alone. I am nobody’s first priority.
I’m realizing I’ve spent my whole life worrying about how I could help other people, and never once worried about myself. Now that I’m going through this and nobody’s there, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to take care of myself. It used to make me happy to take care of other people and now it just makes me angry because I know they’ll never give me the same treatment back. For instance, one of my best friends hasn’t talked to me in months. I’ve counseled her through countless breakups and tried so hard to make her happy and feel good again. Where is she, now that I need someone? Being a good person has gotten me nowhere. I still don’t feel like I belong anywhere.
I felt that sense of belonging when I was with him. I’m scared I won’t get it back when I see him because it feels like it’s been so long. I feel myself changing and I don’t know if it’s for better or for worse. How am I supposed to commit to moving somewhere with him when he feels almost like a stranger to me? Will I get that sense of familiarity back?
I’m so scared and so alone. I’ve been going to counseling.. I have an appointment for Monday. I was scared to go in, and now I know why. I feel like I’ve opened Pandora’s box.
I desperately need a hug.
Post # 3
*hug* I wish I could give you more advice
Post # 4
Yes, I think what you are experiencing is normal for a long distance relationship, more or less. I was in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half before we moved in permenantly together, with the longest period going without seeing each other being five and a half months. It sucks because your relaitonship is on ice and you’re not involved in each other’s day to day lives. What helped is we visited each other as often as we could, and usually booked the following visit shortly after so there would be a light at the end of the tunnel. It helps to talk on a regular basis to connect on an emotional level. I also enjoyed having some time to myself to hang out with friends and enjoy the city I was living in before I moved – if you have your own interests outside the relationship, it will help from dwelling that you two are apart.
I feel for you, but if you two can manage the long distance then you’ll come out of it knowing you are solid.
Post # 5
Communication is so important in LDRs. If you can’t talk every night/skype, then you have to find other ways to talk and express how the other is on your mind. SO and I have been doing an LDR since we’ve been together (1.5yrs), and with a 3 hour time difference, sometimes we just don’t get to talk. To avoid that feeling of disconnection, write a letter, send a text message/picture of you smiling, or send a small trinket in the mail. As far as feeling yourself changing, it’s natural. You have a lot more time that feels empty now.. fill it. Try getting involved in a new hobby or two (I started a side business, crocheting, and started reading more), go take a class in your community (might be able to find one out there that will teach you to better take care of yourself/handy-man 101 kind of thing), and reconnect with family and friends. They might not know that you need them right now, and hopefully, once they do, they will be there for you. It’s not easy, but whatever the reason behind your LDR, you just have to get through it the best you can. Good luck and (((hugs))).
Post # 7
This would be really hard, and I bet it is normal. I’m glad you are going to talk to someone, since I don’t think that this is just isolated to your realtionship…sounds like you are having trouble with a few things.
I don’t know what else to tell you except that you really need to talk to him and see what is up. He needs to realize that the relationship goes both ways…if you are feeling this bad, then you need to let him know.