(Closed) He “almost” cheated.

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
835 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m sorry to hear that. I went through the same thing unfortunately (although we were not engaged at the time) so huge hugs from me to you cause I know how you feel. Its hard to gain that trust again but you do over time. I know its hard to forgive and forget but if you want to move forward in your relationship, that’s kind of what you have to do. I hope things get better soon sweetie. *HUGS*

Post # 4
4352 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I don’t really count that as “almost”, but he does sound remorseful which is good. And he was honest about it and told you as soon as possible and left as soon as he realized what he was doing. All of those things are good. But I think if it would give you peace of mind to go through his fb ect. then you should bring it up and do it while hes sitting next to you. That way you’re not snooping, and you can have him clarify anything that looks suspicious, which I think he wants to do. It does not sound like anything was premeditated, so I doubt you would find anything. Also consider speaking to a 3rd party about it, like a couples counselor. I think talking to someone about it could really help. I hope things work out for you.

Post # 5
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m so sorry!

First off, I have to disagree with you….I would NOT classify that as “almost” cheating, I would call that cheating. Big time.

Secondly, I don’t blame you one bit for how you’re feeling. I would imagine that in the moment you felt bad for him so you WANTED to just forgive and forget….but now in the light of day and after thinking about it you’ve realised that you can’t just drop it, as much as you might like to.

I would say you need to do two things: 1) you need to tell him how you feel. I get that you don’t want to make him feel worse, but frankly, he did something wrong and he SHOULD feel bad. I’m not saying you need to be malicious and make him feel like crap, but you also can’t hide your feelings to spare his. That’s not fair to you or him.

Secondly, I would strongly urge you to get counselling. As a couple.

I’m so sorry for how you both must be feeling, and I wish you all the luck in working through this together.

Post # 7
5985 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@allyfally:  I am sorry this happened. I would want to know why he met up with this girl in the first place? That fact that he met a girl that he knows has feelings for him it seems like he went there thinking or hoping something would happen and then it sounds like he could not go through with it. In 20 years could he? During a rough patch in your marriage it might be a bit easier? I am sorry to bring these things up but those are things I would be thinking of.

Oh, and this is big time cheating. not almost but big time and I actually consider it “premeditated cheating”. I am confused why you have forgiven him so easily? I really really think you need to ask him why he met her in the first place. ugh, this is making me naseous and it is not even my SO. 
You keep saying that you want to forget but I dont think you should. I think you guys need to work through this, not just forgive and forget because he cried a little..


Post # 8
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I agree with @daniellealys.  Did he tell you that he was meeting up with her beforehand?  If he did, then I would give him the benefit of the doubt because he went in completely open, honest, and innocent.  I would be slightly suspicious if he kept it from you.

Post # 11
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

You’re a better person than I am.  That entire scenario was premeditated.  He intended for it to happen.

If what you’re saying is totally accurate and he is being honest about what happened…you should have broken it off.

First clue?  He lied to you.  OMission is still a lie.  He left out a very important detail.  Second clue?  Guilt.  Third clue?  He felt the girl up.  It wasn’t like she was rubbing his crotch and he pulled away and said “Whoa, I totally love my Fiancee, sorry you got the wrong impression”

This is not about being human and making a mistake.  To be human and have made a mistake would mean the following would have had to happen:

1.  He tells you he is going out for coffee with a girl from High School

2.  He goes out with the girl from High School

3.  There is no sexual talk from him.  You don’t speak sexually to someone that isn’t your Fiancee.

4.  She comes on to him, he tells her she must have gotten the wrong idea and gets up and leaves.

Sounds like he meant to cheat but had a crisis of conscience at the last minute.  Sorry.

Post # 12
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I guess since he tried to get his friends to go with him, it seems more innocent.  At least he didn’t go there with the intention of being alone with her.  It was probably just poor judgment on his part to go see her alone.  

Post # 13
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

Let him be! He is broke up about it, and he stopped before it went too far, such as taking off clothes etc…, I APPLAUD him!  He is SORRY, adn CRIED about it…. Let it go, this one time…. it probably won’t happen ever agian, and be thankful he and she didn’t take off their clothes, then i would be a little bit more worried about it. He stopped, good for him!

Hope he learned a valuable lesson about going to see any girls alone!

Post # 14
2577 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Echoing others, this is not ALMOST cheating, it is ABSOLUTELY cheating.

On the positive side, he has confessed without being cornered, and seems very remorseful. I think you will need a lot of work to be able to trust him again though.


Post # 15
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You need to ask him for all the details. Who was the other person he invited? I’d want to see that text and the response. I’d want to see the texts just prior to meeting her? Were they flirty? If so, then he was already cheating. I’d want her erased from his FB and for him to promise never to see her again. I’d absolutely demand  at any given point the right to look through his fb / texts / calls until he’s agreed to go to counselling.

Whilst it’s good he feels bad, I entirely agree with a PP, it very much sounds like he planned this and got cold feet at the last minute. You need to be sure that he won’t be braver next time…

Hope things work out for you x

Post # 16
224 posts
Helper bee

I think he’d totally understand if you told him you wanted to read things. From the sounds of it he’s willing to do absolutely anything to ensure you feel better about this whole thing.

He sounds as though he really does love you and that he’s deeply sorry for his behaviour. And I do applaud him for telling you, crying, and showing just how sorry he is.

It’s obvious he feels bad, and I wouldn’t shout at him or demand anything as I don’t think that would accomplish much more than making you feel angry. But asking to look at these things and telling him openly how you feel would be a good way to get everything out in the open.

I wish you both the best of luck!

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