Post # 1
Do any of you have an SO who always thinks they are right no matter what??? My SO and I got into an argument this weekend as my friends were supposed to come over and they changed plans last minute. I do not care about this stuff at all. they were tired so I didnt mind. SO got annoyed, which led to me getting annoyed and it seemed to come down to he thinks I am responsble for other peoples actions. When i tried to reason with him he seems to not udnerstand/accept my logic and thinks i dismiss peoples behaviour too quickly. He accepts he doesnt understand my reasoning, and I his but I would like to find a solution to avoid this argument which seems to happen every time plans change last minute.
DO any of you guys have an SO who is difficult to reason with? Im thinking about reading up on more effective communication strategies. Also one of my friends said rather than trying to adjust the SO’s behaviour, adjust my actions in a way that may help him understand. Do any of you have any experience or advice? it would be greatly appreciated!
Post # 3
@LibraryBlondie: It’s my total pet peeve when people change plans last minute, so I kind of sympathize with your SO. However, taking it out on you is wrong. Does he stay angry for long, or could you just let it go til he gets over it? I know for me it’s a flash of irritation that’s over in a little bit, but if my Darling Husband pushed me about it, it would make it worse and we’d get in an argument. Maybe if you let him feel what he feels he’ll get over it? Obv that doesn’t work if he stays angry forever.
Post # 4
My husband is like that. He thinks he’s a know it all. I’ve slowly thourgh our 11 years together have gotten him to realize he’s not always right. Now when I tell him he’s being stupid he’ll at least consider that he might be wrong. The key is to have reasoning and facts to back up your side.
Post # 5
@LibraryBlondie: he thinks you dismiss people’s behavior too quickly? lol you should use that. Tell him,” yeah, i dismiss your behavior alot. Maybe I should stop and just start calling you out on it”.
People are entitled to change plans. Is it annoying when they do it last minute? Yeah, but what were you supposed to do? Pick a fight with them? That would make them want to hang out again!
My SO thinks he’s right about certain things too. When I think it’s totally irrational I ask him what he thinks should be done to fix it. Then he realizes how irrational he’s being, until next time.
Post # 6
I’m the know-it-all in our relationship. It got to a point about halfway through where he was having serious issues with it because I would make him feel bad in my quest to be “right”. It’s something I’ve had to majorly work on, and I still have trouble recognizing when I’m doing it from time to time. Being on the other side, I can say that it might be he doesn’t realize he does it or how badly it hurts you. I suggest you try and talk to him about it, maybe even write him a letter, because when someone behaves a certain way for long enough they come to think of it as natural and might not see the pain it causes those around them.
Effective communication is definitely key – we actually developed a “keyword” to use when I start acting in a way that’s hurting my SO’s feelings, that way when he says it I know I need to stop and take a step back and think about what I’m saying. It helps because the keyword is generally neutral, and that way he doesn’t provoke me into being mad or getting really sad about his feelings being hurt – I simply realize, “hey, I’m doing it again and need to stop and apologize.”
Post # 7
Not really, but my SO does get annoyed sometimes, and he throws stuff about and makes big noises. I don’t find it cool behaviour as our dog gets nervous and he’s fine straight after. Guess I’ve just learned to deal with it by ignoring him and coming back 2 mins later when he’s had his freak out.
Maybe just try and give some space for about half an hour, go do something else, then come back and make up.
Post # 8
My husband is similar – and he admits that he is not patient & he complains quite a bit when he is inconvenienced.
But he doesn’t blame me, he vents about his fustration about the situation, which I totally get. Perhaps if you tell your husband that it is fine to vent & complain about the situation, but when he starts throwing out the personal jabs at you (i.e. saying you let things go, etc.) thats where the conversation needs to end & complaining time is over.
Post # 9
@jocember, i thought about writing a letter too.
He doesnt stay made for long. It is just annoying it keeps happening, and I know he is mad at the situation, i feel like he probably just isnt expressing it very well.
Thanks for all the comments so far, good to know other people deal with annoying things like this!! haha
Post # 10
@LibraryBlondie: Yeah I’d just let him be if it’s a short amount of time then… Especially if it’s not about you, it’s about the situation, and you can just stay out of it and let him get over it quickly. I’ll probably get angry at flaky friends for the rest of my life and I can’t see that changing just cause my Darling Husband might want me to haha
Post # 11
yea i dont blame him for getting annoyed at flaky friends, the annoying part is him thinking i can control them!! im not god!! haha.
Post # 12
@MissCalifornia: I’m a little like this too – I like to be right & I’ll keep trying to make a point/get others to agree. I’m learning to tone it down, and it hasn’t caused any major problems with my Fiance or close friends, luckily (though my mother has never hesitated to criticize me for it!).
I like the “keyword” idea – I may have to steal that!
OP – You may have already tried this, but what about a straightforward call-him-out-on-it approach; i.e., “I know you’re frustrated – I am, too. But it’s not fair to take your feelings out on me.”