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So yeah, my boyfriend asked me if I would mind if he gave me a recycled ring! And by recycled I'm not meaning one of his great grandma's antique rings...I'm mean some stranger's ring, which was given up for unknown reasons. I understand that some diamonds are the result of people's deaths and wars etc.... and I understand my boyfriend's desire to keep the earth sustainable and beautiful....However I told him that this ring was a reflection of how he feels about me. and that if it was a ring that he didn't know where it came from, was not an antique, and I gave the example of a woman who was battered and was selling her ring to escape her abusive husband, he would be inviting bad "karma" on our wedding and relationship. I told him I would prefer him to find diamonds that were earth friendly and ethical.
Am I wrong to think that recycled or gently used jewlery would be wierd and that I want something special of my own?
PS I added the reflection of how he feels about me, because he is kind of cheap sometimes, and was probably 1 of the reasons he wanted a used ring. I could totally see him shopping on ebay for my ring, and that would really bum me out. :-(
I don't really believe in Bad Karma, but if it is not what you want, then it is not what you want. There is nothing wrong with wanting a ring of your very own, after all it is what it symbolizes, not how much it costs. BTW, he may need some guidance in this area, I know my brother did. He called me to ask questions about my SIL's ring from a cheap crappy jewelry store and Borsheim's is right down the street, OMG! I immediatly told him to leave and meet me at Borsheim's where he found a much nicer ring for what he had planned on spending. And she got the silver box with the maroon bow that every midwestern girl dreams of. Sometimes boys are clueless about such things.
We got our diamond "used" from a jeweler and picked out a new setting. I wouldn't have wanted a whole used ring unless it was truly an antique / vintage or had sentimental value. If you want to be sustainable I'd suggest going that route. Or do what we did and go to your local jeweler and pick out a diamond s/he purchased privately. A jeweler will also explain to you all the qualities of a diamond so you get something of good quality you will be happy with. We spent a lot of time comparing diamonds and I picked out the one I thought was prettiest. You can also order recycled gold settings - there are several wholesale sources your jeweler can order from. I don't feel either of those approaches will give bad karma.
Yeah I'm not big on the whole karma thing, unless you know for sure that it IS from a woman that was abused. And since you don't...plus I think it's silly to blame those kind of thigns if something bad happens in the relationship.
I wouldn't be upset, but that's me.
I have a ring that is made of recycled gold and a stone from an antique ring that was custom made into a ring for me--I like that idea better than just using a ring that used to belong to someone else.
If he really wants to get you a ring made out of recycled metals, he doesn't have to get you a used ring. My fiance was worried about getting an environmentally/ethically conscious ring as well. He also knew that I refused to wear a diamond ring unless I knew exactly where it came from and that it wasn't a blood diamond. He ended up buying my ring from Brilliant Earth. All of their metals are recycled, their diamonds are conflict-free, and a percentage of every transaction is donated to communities in Africa that are affected by the diamond industry. Maybe you can suggest he look there! I wouldn't recommend it if I didn't absolutely love the quality that I ended up with and it's not like I'm wearing someone else's ring. My fiance got to pick the setting as well as the center stone. The only difference is the gold and platinum used is recycled from other products. :) Here's a (kinda blurry) phone pic of my ring so you can get an idea. Good luck, girly!!!
That's a goregous ring! I have stumbled upon Brilliant earth and thought that was a good way to go. I know that he is very thorough in researching things before he buys it.
Thanks and good luck! I'm sure you'll end up with something gorgeous. Boys will be boys, so it's good to guide 'em a little if you can ;) Congrats on your upcoming engagement!
I think a diamond is a diamond. I would even buy one off of Craigslist! To me, a diamond is not personal. It's not like you are wearing another woman's wedding dress or sleeping in her bed. Its a rock, and no diamond is really "new" anyway. It wouldn't bother me in the least if I got a "used" ring, especially if it meant that I could have a better ring for my money.
Most diamons at jewelry stores are not "new" our jeweler told us what the percentage was i dont remember but it was a VERY VERY low number.
Is he planning on buying just a "recycled" diamond or the whole ring? If he is just looking for a diamond IMO you are over reacting there is no away of knowing how many owners a diamond has had. Why not let him save some $ and maybe you could get a nicer setting or band with the $ he saved.
recycled is always better than new! it means no one last an arm just so you could have a diamond! (yes, people lose arms, legs, their lives...)
be an awesome person and say YES to the ring! =) It's gorgeous!
If he's cheap getting used would probably be better for you I'd think - after all he's going to be cheap regardless so shopping used means you get better quality for the price he's willing to pay. If he feels he has to buy a 'new' ring he may not get as much at his price point.
PS I don't mean cheap as a bad thing, I mean it as a descriptive.
My FFIL recycled the wedding ring he had from his one and only wife (not FMIL); he had the stone removed & the band melted down.The jewler let him pick out new stones from the vault and the stones placed into a new setting. He picked out a special engraving design (celtic knot inspired) and the ring looked nothing like the original.
I personally have no issue with recycled jewllery or rings etc. Ther only thing I could posibly see myself taking issue with would be if I were being given the ring of an ex wife or gf. However, I am sure I would get over that since I like to consider myself a mature and rational adult (not implying that anyone else is not).
I think I see what you mean. Like my wedding band is from recycled gold but it wasn't someone elses wedding band. It was melted down first. Would you be OK with that to get rid of the 'karma'? I think a lot of gold and diamonds are recycled anyways in jewelry stores so it's probably hard to get around it. But I do kinda understand what you're saying about buying a random ring off of craigslist. Maybe recycled in parts and create something unique and beautiful that's yours. There are somewhat affordable ways to do it. I don't have a diamond engagement ring but my wedding ring is made from recycled gold from an etsy artist and was quite affordable.
My diamond was used..meaning it at one time belonged to someone else. But he placed it in a setting that he searched high and low for bc he wanted the one the felt "me" due to my simple, boring style you could say and my line of work. He almost went with a different diamond but knew and felt in his heart that this was made for me and I could not agree more. I was suprised how awesome he did all by himself when I gave him literally nothing to go off of. If you find a ring you love that has the perfect stone there is nothing wrong with putting it in a setting all for you.
Meh, it wouldn't bother me honestly. It is new to me! I usually only buy second hand items (cars, gadgets, clothing, etc) because it saves me tons of money!
Now if it was recycled from an ex-fiancee I might have a problem with that.
I can see what you mean - I wouldn't want a full ring that had belonged to someone else. I'd want something that was just mine.
That being said - many diamonds and settings at jewelers are not "brand new" (diamonds people trade in, upgrade, resell and old settings are melted down and made new). That kind of recycling I have no problem with and is kind of unavoidable actually.
I just know that for me personlly, I'm glad my FI took the time and effort to go to a jeweler and pick out a specific diamond and setting just for me instead of buying a used ring from someone else.
I can see why a used ring - stone and setting - would bother you. Does the idea of a secondhand diamond that's been re-mounted in a fresh band give you the same heebie-jeebie feeling?
We actually bought my ring off of ebay of all places! It was from a private seller and it came with the appraisal. (Of course we had that verified immediately once we got it! Can't be too safe) Honestly though I couldn't fathom going with a new ring-seems too wasteful for me (mind you this is only my personal opinion)-I didn't want to start off a new chapter to our relationship knowing the environmental damage done just to get brand new platinum and also I didn't want a diamond that everyone else had-I knew that I wanted a round cut but I didn't want a modern round brilliant so it was perfect that the ring we found featured a gorgeous old european cut which totally suits my love for antiques! It's set in a modern designer setting, so really no one would know unless we told them that it was previously owned but I really have no problem with telling them and once they find out the fantastic deal we got, their mouths just drop LOL! And yes, for what it's worth, my platinum wedding band is vintage to boot :)
First of all, Congrats!
Mine is "recycled" and it doesn't mean one bit less to me than if it were "new". The diamond was a family members and it was put into a brand new platinum eternity setting, I absolutely love it!
I don't think a ring (and where it's been) maps your marriage, you do!
I think a recycled ring probably has good karma, not bad. It's earth-friendly, a little more removed from the big-bad-blood diamond process, and a great value for the money. Someone's tragedy (if that is where the ring is coming from) has been redefined as something beautiful. That ring, which once symbolized pain for the previous owner, can now symbolize love!
Most rings aren't new anyway- Maybe you should look into it more and then if he sees you are 'going with it' or trying to then you can say its not your thing and it wouldnt hurt him as much!?
Eh, I think it would be ok as long as the diamond is certified. If it does not come with certification, make sure it has a good return policy and get it appraised. Like other posters have said, a lot of diamonds are "recycled" anyway.
That being said, if it really bothers you for some reason, you should tell your bf and make sure he knows that you want a "new" one from a jeweler.
If you're really worried about karma, I can tell you that my parents got the center stone for her ring at a pawn shop and they've had the happiest marriage of anyone I know. It won't matter at all where it came from once you plop it onto a new setting.
But, be honest with him! If it's going to bother you, make him buy you one from a jewelry store :).
You wouldn't love a shelter dog any less than a dog from a breeder, right? It shouldn't matter if someone else owned it first if it's much happier in its new home (in this case, your ring finger) where it will be loved and cherished!
There isn't anything wrong with recycled. If it means so much to you, you could always have it changed a bit.
I don't think there's anything wrong with a recycled, antique ring either. It's truly about the meaning and thought behind it anyway. My SO and I found my ring in an antique shop. It's from the 1930s and is just my style. I can't wait til he officially proposes with it :) Even though the ring won't be a surprise, he wants the proposal to be one at least. I do believe in Karma, but not really in this situation. I don't know where my ring came from, so I just made up a nice story in my own mind to go with it. Try not to dwell so much on who might've owned it before you, just focus on who gave it to you and where you are in your lives. Miss Hunky was right too in saying that if a relationship has problems, I don't think the ring is to blame.
Good luck and congratulations :)
I was talking to a friend about this today- she pointed me to this blog that shows some amazing potential of undesiratble old settings and what can be done with them!! check it out (it's short and sweet) :
I personally have no problem with a "used" ring. I don't care if it came from an abused/divorced/whatever person. I don't believe in that karma.
Do you have a diamonds direct near you? If he's cheap they have some amazing deals for way less than regular stores! I would look online and search for a great deal.
If it bothers you, make sure you tell him!! Otherwise you'll regret it and he wouldn't have known.
I think you're overreacting. One of the best things about used jewelry (say, from a pawn shop) is that you can get a ring that's ten times bigger and more sparkly than you could for the same price from a normal jewelry store. You can also get one of the same quality as you would from the jeweler, but you save a ton of money: money which can go toward extra things at your wedding or your future together. I don't believe in karma, and especially since you won't KNOW that the ring came from a battered woman, you don't have to worry about it.
Well actually, Karma does exsist to the PP., well at least in my opinion. However, objects do not carry "bad karms, or good karma" around with them. Karma is actually an internal thing we carry around with us that we get, either good, or bad, from experience. But thats a whole other topic. A used ring, is cheaper! And why not a cheap ring? A diamond is a diamond, and if you want a diamond, why must it be new. Apparently they are forever! ha
Mine came from ebay. It was posted by a guy who had his fiancee dump him for another guy. Does this bother me? No. Why not? I don't know, it just doesn't. I could see how it could bother somebody though. I'm just thankful to have an amazing fiance and a gorgeous ring. He would not have been able to afford a ring like that had he gone to a jewelry store. He also would not have been able to propose for at least another 6-9 months. And we would not have been able to afford a wedding right away either. Engagement rings aren't cheap, save money where you can. It's a symbol.
We got my rings at a pawn shop. At first when he mentioned it I was upset. I wanted a new ring even though I knew we couldn't afford it. We went to a few different shops before we walked into the pawn shop we are regulars at. No one else had anything good at a decent price. We looked for awhile and only found 1 I kept eyeing. Since we were regulars the guys working there know us and the jewelry guy had been pestering us for months for us to get married and since he wanted us to get married so bad he took $100 off the price of the rings I wanted so we could afford it. His I found on the ground at a place with no lost and found so we kept it and are going to use it until we can get him a real one (it's a fake but matches mine). If you need to get a used one for now and tell him you want one in a few years when you can save the money for a better ring then that's how I would do it.
NotFroofy gave me a wedding ring she inherited from her grandmother. She was thrilled when I was able to find a matching one on eBay UK to give her. I don't know that she particularly worried about the "karma," but the one I bought was being sold after the death of the woman who had worn it throughout a long and happy marriage.
Please don't take offense (just my opinion), but I think the karma argument is distorted. isn't karma about how you live your own life coming back to bite you, not other people's lives rubbing off on yours? at least that's my interpretation.
With that said, i don't think there's anything wrong with being honest with your FI about what you like. I kinda wish I had been more open with mine and shown him more inspiration pics; he didn't want to go ring shopping. i think he felt like he was supposed to do it himself. Don't get me wrong I love my ring but it had to grow on me. Now I will never replace it because of what it symbolizes and how much thought I now know he put into choosing it.
I recommend going ring shopping together or showing him pics of what you like and explaining what you like about each ring so he can get an idea of what you like.
you say you FI can be cheap. is he well off and prefers to be frugal? whether he's financially comfortable or not, maybe you can help him research good deals on rings that you like so you'll both be happy.
This is tricky... I know a lot of people who have rings that were worn by family members, close family friends, or that were bought off ebay or other "second-hand" retailers. They are no more or less happy than other married couples I know.
However, when my husband and I were talking about getting engaged, he mentioned something to his father who offered him his mother's engagement ring. They are divorced and she gave him the ring back after the paperwork was finalized. I told hubs to tell his dad "thanks but no thanks" because I felt really weird taking a ring/diamond that was from a marriage that had disolved.
That's why it's tricky... I'm not superstitious generally and I doubt the diamond was the reason but I did not want that. I think it depends on what you want/think.
I agree. I would not a ring that came from god knows where. I believe in karma and in what goes around comes around.
BIL offered to give us his old wedding ring (divorced from a bad marriage) to melt and use the gold in our wedding bands. I wanted NO part of that because of what their marriage was and how it ended.
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