Post # 1
And no, ‘he’ isn’t my husband – he is our foreign exchange student. Our situation with our student is tense right now. He isn’t respecting our family rules, being a part of our lives or observing any type of American manners – despite the fact that his contract explained all of this. This is one of our many frustrations – I’m not posting to talk about the cultural issues, just to say that so far, this is the one issue that has really upset me and actually put me in tears.
When I came in last night, I laid my scarf and purse on the kitchen counter. Went to bed as usual, no big deal. He came in late while we were watching a movie, said hello and then went to bed.
I went into my kitchen this morning and found the chocolate-coated wrapper (it had a little plastic guard around the rim because it was layered) laying across my scarf on the kitchen counter. Because you can’t throw it away?! My scarf had chocolate on it and it took me a minute to get over that long enough enough to realize it was the wrapper from our wedding cake. Then I opened the freezer and found that 3/4 of the 10″ cake was GONE! GONE!? It was there yesterday, I’m positive. So between yesterday afternoon and this morning at 8 am, he ate almost an entire cake to himself, one that just happened to be our wedding cake.
The fact that year old frozen cake probably doesn’t taste great doesn’t matter – it is the tradition and one I was actually romantically excited to partake in. We deliberately saved it.
We did tell him it was the cake from our wedding and he is not to eat things randomly without asking. We’ve been having some issues with him (eating us out of house and home is one of them) and this coupled with his bad attitude has just sent me over the edge today.
I’m so bummed out. What a crappy thing to happen on Valentine’s Day. 🙁
Post # 3
OMG that’s terrible!!! How long do you have this exchange student?
Post # 4
Is there any way to contact the exchange company and tell them you are having difficulties?
Post # 5
I really hope you can look back on this and laugh. Even though you really wanted to eat it, that’s a pretty good story to share in the future. I actually laughed out loud at my desk when I read this because it’s so ridiculous and I can’t believe he ate it!
Can you contact the agency that placed him with you? Maybe they can help with all of the issues he is giving you.
Post # 6
I’d be livid! I’m sorry that happened 🙁
Post # 7
That is horrible. Is there a mediator from the organization you signed up with? Is there someone you guys have a talk with to help make things clear to him that he needs to start following the rules according to the contract?
Post # 8
Ugh I’d already be on the phone wih the exchange company telling them to find another place for him to stay. That really sucks, I’m sorry!
Post # 9
Wow… I would be really upset too!
I know this seems like a long shot, but since this may have happened overnight, is there any possibility he is a sleep walker/sleep eater?
Did he eat other things overnight too?
Sounds like he’s just inconsiderate though. I’d talk with the organization who organized the exchange.
Post # 10
I get that this sucks (I would be angry too) but try to look on the brightside. You still have 1/4 of it left (so not all of it is gone), which just means you need to order a cake from your baker when your anniversary comes around. You’ll have an old and new cake. Who doesn’t want more cake? Hopefully you will be able to laugh about it eventually. Or you can douse the remains in visine and let him have fun.
Both the brides and grooms cakes were thrown away after our reception and there was a lot of cake left. Thankfully my stepmom saved the topper. I cried. I was SO looking forward to eating the leftovers until I was sick to my stomach. It was the one thing I looked forward to in dealing with everyone’s crap. Our baker was so great she made us half the brides cake a couple of weeks after.
Do you have recourse for your troubles? Does he have to stay the entire time?
Post # 11
Are you kidding me? You mean he went into the freezer searching for food and decided to eat CAKE?! I’m just wondering why out of all things he decided on that. And why he didn’t ask first. I would be mad too. I mean, I understand there are different cultures, HOWEVER.. you would think he would ask in order to not get into any trouble with y’all. Unless you said eat whatever’s in the fridge. That may be where the confusion is. I’m so sorry that happened!
Post # 12
To the others who suggested that we contact the agency – I actually did about a week ago due to the issues we are having. We can ask him to leave at any time because it’s a month to month contract, but I feel pretty strongly about the commitment we made to having him here and I’d hate to simply throw him out without trying to work through things. My husband and I are going to sit him down to talk through the issues (not the cake) with him and ask if he actually wants to stay here – and if he does, give even MORE clear direction about what we expect.
Our biggest issue is he chooses not to communicate with us – and therefore, does a lot of things that are very rude, disrespectful, etc because rather than ask us a question or learn anything about our culture, he treats our home like a hotel. Very frustrating.
@jerkamuffin: I hope I do laugh later. And knowing me, I will. Right now I’m pretty upset though.
Thanks guys – I just needed to tell SOMEone because I know how stupid this is in the grand scheme of life – but it was just about the last thing I needed to wake up to. Our lives have been challenging enough since we got married 🙁
Post # 13
Dude. That’s not okay. Who finds a fancy frozen cake in the freezer and just decides to pig out, then leaves the wrapper all over your stuff on the counter?! This guy sounds like a class A jerk! How much longer do you have to put up with him?? I agree with the others, is there someone at the exchange company that can act as mediator or help you through this? You’re wonderful for opening your home to this guy, but even without this cake incident you don’t exactly sound happy with the situation.
ETA – I just read your update. I’m glad you’ve contacted the company and that you’re going to talk to this guy. If he’s not happy maybe you could help him find a hostel to stay in, but it sounds like a reminder of the point of why he’s staying with you and the rules and boundaries are definitely needed.
Post # 14
OMG, I would be so pissed!!!
Post # 15
@christalynn11: Do you mind sharing his background with us? The reason I ask this is just because I work a lot with cultural barries and we actually just did a workshop on “meeting half-way”. Maybe the reason he is not communicating with you has to do with his culture and up bringing?
Is there a language barrier as well?
Post # 16
Rude is RUDE. I don’t care where he’s from. I would have FREAKED OUT.
The plus side? Some of your cake is still left! You can still eat it on your one year… just less of it.