He bought me a cross necklace. I'm atheist. He's Christian.

posted 3 years ago in Secular
Post # 3
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

I’m sorry but this seems like a sneaky way to guilt you into wearing it. It’s a very expensive gift that he bought you and supposedly he’s ok with your not ever wearing it? I smell BS. He’s trying to get you to wear it. And eventually convert. 

You need to have a frank and open conversation with him about his intentions.

 

NO ONE would spend over a thousand dollars on a gift meant to be stashed away in a jewelry box. It comes with strings attached. If I were you, I’d want to clarify what he means and what he wants.

Post # 4
Member
53 posts
Worker bee

All I can think of is… what if you were to buy him a Muslim symbol necklace? Or?? Would he trip? 

I’d trip. I’d be pissed. 

Post # 6
Member
295 posts
Helper bee

Hmmm. It doesn’t sound that suspicious but I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you could wear it and think of it as “good luck” necklace. It sounds like he gave it with the best intentions in mind. 

Post # 7
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@EmilyInIdaho:  A symbol is just a symbol. To me that means it can symbolize anything you want. Why not look at the necklace as a beautiful reflection of something that is important in your fiance’s life and as a gift of love and protection that he gave to you. I bet in some ways he feels like you having it will protect you when he is not around – so it’s your fiance’s way of being with you even when he can’t. 

I myself struggle with a lot of the ideas around religions, especially when it comes to organized religion, but I think one of the most beautiful things about being human and choosing your own form of spirituality is having that ability to see things in multiple different lights and facets. ie. Including symbols 🙂   

Anyhow, just my thoughts. 😛 

Post # 8
Member
8708 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Militant Atheist here.

 

My father once bought me a gorgeous necklace and my mother bought me this beautiful crucifix.

They both knew I was an Atheist and they’re 100% okay with it. My father is agnostic, my mother is Catholic.

I wore both. Not because I believed in anything, but because they were beautiful and they were gifts. If it makes you uncomfortable, you could wear it only in social outings with him and not all the time.

Post # 9
Member
234 posts
Helper bee

@HappinessIsInDaisies:  I agree with you. I don’t think this is him trying to pressure you and attempting to eventually convert you. I think this is his way of reassuring himself.

If you feel guilty about not wearing it, but find it too much to wear around your neck, consider buying a simple silver (or same metal as the necklace) bracelet, and wear the cross pendant on your wrist occasionally, if you so wish.

However, if you truly do not want to wear it, then don’t. Show him that you appreciate his gesture but reconfirm your standpoint on religion to him.

Post # 10
Member
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@xoxocheri:  + 1. That is true, that if OP did want to wear it occassionally a bracelet would be a little less “in your face” than a necklace.

Also OP, If you own a charm bracelet, it could even be one  charm among many. 🙂

You could also just find a way to honor it in your bedroom somehow if you dont want to wear it, maybe hang it somewhere over where your other jewlery? There are prob better ideas than that too. 

Post # 11
Member
869 posts
Busy bee

@EmilyInIdaho:  I’m interested in what you think of my take on this: Since you are Athiest this cross in your eyes is simply a symbol or charm. No more important than a four leaf clover or heart. So why not just view it as a beautiful diamond necklace and that’s it? Atheism by definition is a lack of belief, not ‘person against Christianity’ so why is it conflicting to wear it? 

Post # 12
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@EmilyInIdaho:  I don’t agree it’s sneaky. I think he views crosses as a symbol of protection and his words show that to me. Some Christians believe wearing one protects you from evil.

If it was a cheap cross, I would be inclined to feel otherwise. He bought you a very special gift and I would wear it every day.

I am an Existentialist. Recently, my Grandmother passed. She wore a gold cross necklace every day. I wanted it so badly but she was buried with it. 

 

Post # 13
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@HappinessIsInDaisies:  +1

This might not be the same but I am of no religion and my MIL is hindi. When my DH and I got married she gave me talli which is a gold necklance given to brides in Southern Indian weddings (I think). It’s a symbol. Indian women wear them everyday. Mine is stashed away carefully but I wear it for special Indian occasions because it means a lot to MIL.

Why would your wearing this cross necklace be conflicting? You should absolutly wear it with him around or when you are not together as a symbol of love and protection.

Post # 14
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@EmilyInIdaho:  It wouldn’t be weird or hypocritical if you wore it.  And, as I’m assuming he’s had the cross blessed, he probably will feel good about you wearing it.  He likely believes there are evil forces in the world, and that this symbol will help to protect you from those forces.

He gave it in love.  You would wear it in love.  God likes love.  Christians like love.  Atheists like love.  Everybody wins!  Let’s go dancing.

Post # 15
Member
980 posts
Busy bee

I’m not religious, but maybe it’s his way of protecting you? Like, a symbol of his love for you and his wanting to keep you safe? I don’t know, but if my SO gave me a cross, that’s what I would be thinking. 

Post # 16
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Another one who sees it as a gesture of caring…

People who want to convert you tend to be a lot more vocal about their feelings !!

People who are religious and truly care about you, tend to do things such as this.  Or sometimes the not uber-religious (like me) do it as an act of kindess for someone who is.

Because they love that person.

When I broke up permanently with My Ex-H one of the last things I gave him was a Crucifix (Christmas 2002) … because he was religious, and had always wanted one… plus he was a very troubled human being (battleing inner deamons & alcoholism) … so it was my way of wishing him well… and in hopes that he’d find peace, and God would look out for him when I wasn’t around.

Hope this helps,

 

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