He bought the ring but no proposal after 2 months he said he's not ready

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee

@Cincin15:  I would have a serious discussion and see if he really does want to get married. Then if he does, ask what his timeline is. Hopefully you can work something out so you both are happy and on the same page.

Post # 4
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

It sounds like this guy has been inside a pressure cooker.

At this point, you’ve backed yourself into a corner filled with unsavory options. Asking him once again about marriage is just more pressure. He may take off running or he may propose and leave you wondering if his heart was really in it. If you stay quiet and wait, it may never happen because he’s honestly not ready. If you leave, there is a chance that you are leaving behind a man who was in fact wanting to marry you but needed a bit more time. Only you can decide which gamble you want to take.

Post # 7
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

After reading your update about seeing each other less, I think this relationship is over.

Post # 8
Member
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@Cincin15:  I have heard of guys telling little white lies to throw their partner off before an engament is coming, but I’ve never heard of a guy suggesting to go their seperate ways if they in fact planning on proposing. That is very, very extreme.

There are a few things that concern me about your post. First, it seems everytime you do discuss your future and becoming engaged, it turns into an argument. I can understand being frustrated when you feel like you’re ready, he has the ring and yet nothing is happening…but disucssing your future shouldn’t constantly become an argument..that is really stressful and it seems like a very unhealthy way to communicate with your partner (that could also be adding to the stress he’s feeling) How could you possible be excited about the propect of propsing if it’s a source of constant arguments and stress?

Second, (and I mean this in the nicest way possible) it souds like you’re really putting a lot of pressure on him to do something that you want him to do, but he clearly isn’t ready for. Do you want a proposal because you strong armed him into one? Or do you want one when you both feel 100% ready. Seriously, at this point..if he did propose, I would probably feel it’s because of all the pressure…because clearly, he’s not ready.

At this point, I think you have a few options. Go your separate ways (like he suggested) because you’re clearly not on the same page at this point (and may never be) Or, sit down and have a serious discussion (not argument) about what you both want and where you really see this relationship going. Ask him to be completely honest with you and really listen to what he has to say. Has he discussed why he doesn’t feel ready? What are his insecurities/worries? Does he feel like there is something lacking in the relationship that you two could work on? Etc..Or 3, back off the engagement talk..for awhile. Just be content with your relationship as it is, continue to grow together and allow things to cool off a bit before discussing it again.

 

Post # 9
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee

@Cincin15:  Well honestly it sounds like he needs some time to make up his mind. I would let him be and give him the lead on this one. 

Taking some time apart isn’t a bad thing. If you do searches on the bees, there are lots of married women who had separated from their current DHs at some point during dating. Sometimes you don’t know what you have til you miss it!

It sounds like he does want to get married, but he just isn’t ready. My FI said the exact same thing. I of course wanted to get married sooner, but I knew I wanted a sincere and genuine proposal when he was ready. So I was patient. It happened! If its meant to be, it will happen.

Post # 12
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Cincin15:  It sounds like he is trying to break up with you, and you’re not taking the hint.

Post # 13
Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@Cincin15:  he is obviously not ready for commitment and he keeps telling you this.  listen to him.

Post # 14
Member
7406 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Cincin15:  Why do you need to keep asking him? pressuring him? You have already discussed this and he told you he needed more time and wasn’t ready yet. The only problem here is you. You need to work out if you are willing to wait fro him to be ready or not. If you are not willing to wait then leave. If you are willing to wait then do that. Just stop pressuring him because it will not work out well.

Post # 15
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

“I’m scared of walking away and giving up on something that I knew it was meant to be.”

The problem, and I don’t say this to be harsh, seems to be that while you are certain your relationship was meant to be, your SO is giving absolutely no intention that he feels similarly. In fact, his behaviour suggests quite the opposite given that he’s already backed out of a house purchase and no longer wants to discuss a wedding in 2015.

I realise that when your hopes are high it can be difficult accepting that you aren’t on the same page but I’d listen to what he’s saying and take it seriously. He’s not ready to consider marriage and no amount of persuasion is going to make him readier. Quite the reverse, in fact, since the more you push him in a direction he’s not willing to go, the more he’ll dig his feet in. He’s already talking about a separation. That’s not the behaviour of someone keen to get engaged. 

Post # 16
Member
441 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

@Cincin15:  I agree with the PP’s and your best friend. You need to just take a step back and be patient, he is obviously not ready right now and is under a lot of pressure both from you and from trying to find a new job. Either you just let it go until he’s ready or you leave, unfortunately those really are the only two options right now because talking about it seems to lead you two into fights (or at least that’s how it seems in your posts). I like your June timeline and suggest that when it rolls around to broach the subject again gently. If it seems like you two are still at different places in the relationship or he continues suggesting you see other people, then I would let him go.

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