He called me insecure

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2992 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Video games are a pet peeve of mine. I get people like video games and TV, but when it means you don’t have the time to share with loved ones or do REAL life activities – well it just irks me. OP – you sure as hell don’t sound insecure to me. I would call it being justifiably perturbed.

Post # 4
1361 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

Making a thread about being called insecure does make you look a bit insecure…

Honestly I can sort of see his point of view. If I was busy with one of my hobbies, or if I was reading something on the internet/a book and FI started trying to get my attention for no reason I might get a bit annoyed.

Post # 5
502 posts
Busy bee

What exactly were you doing that bothered him? Seems like an important factor in what happened!

Everyone gets frustrated with their SO at points. And I’m confused…you waffle back and forth between insulting yourself and talking about ‘the ring you so deserve’. Are you perhaps confused too, and that’s making things worse?

Post # 6
4440 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

your post is all over the place.  maybe gather your thoughts and re-write? from what I can see you seem insecure yes, but you know that.


Post # 7
251 posts
Helper bee

Do you have any hobbies you can start to throw yourself into?

Post # 8
8677 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Probably not a person you want to hear from, but..

My husband and I are big, big, big gamers. My husband is currently playing League of Legends. If I were to try to talk to him right now, I would get no response. He is playing with two of his buddies. My husband doesn’t ignore me while he is playing LoL, he simply doesn’t hear me.

Video games are like poker, or knitting, or cribbage, or dominos. They require concentration. When you’re concentrating, the rest of the world will fade away — Surely you have a hobby you enjoy? Video games are hobbies and they are no better or worse than another hobby provided they aren’t overtaking someone’s life, and it really doesn’t sound like this hobby is overtaking his life. My husband will spend hours playing with his buddies and we will have minimal communication. 

I get like that, too. If I’m concentrating, I simply won’t hear him. I’m focusing on sniping that bastard that just shot my plane down 20 times, or making this nasty jump that irritates me, or trying to figure out a puzzle, or trying to understand why my buildings are burning down when I have firemen right next door. But if he got really nasty and pulled a, “Well I’m just tired of trying to get your attention.” attitude with me, you bet your ass I’d be pissed. He would be pissed if I did it to him, too.

I don’t think you’re insecure (Even though you say you’re not insecure, but later go on to say that you are…? That’s weird) I just think you have expectations that are different than from his. You want someone who will drop what they’re doing to pay attention to you (Or I’m assuming anyway), and he wants to play his game and you can wait.

I don’t see how you can be jealous of his guy time. Maybe you need girl time.

My suggestion to you is to not cop the “You’re not paying attention to me” attitude and simply find a hobby you enjoy yourself. Try reading, or playing video games, or crafting. You both can enjoy healthy hobbies and enjoy time by yourself and enjoy time together and doing things with one another. 

Post # 9
2111 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@Hyperventilate:  +1000! OP, are you very dependant on your SO? I used to be and FI said something very similar. I needed to get over my insecurities and be ok with not spending every second with him. It took some time, but I love not having to seek him out all the time and pester him when he’s busy for attention. He can play video games and I can be playful without being a nuisance. He can also do his thing and, without getting huffy, I can do my own thing. Also, what’s so wrong with spending midnight to 3am with his best friend? Is there something else he should be doing? Or just pay attention to you, again going back to the whole “work on being more confident by yourself and independent” thing.

Post # 10
8677 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

@HonoraryNerd:  That’s the word I was trying to think of, thank you.

OP, you seem very dependant, not insecure. I suggest trying to up your personal independance that way you won’t “need him” to pay attention to you as much. 

Post # 11
2322 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@TashandWil:  Everyone is insecure from time to time, it’s a normal way to feel and not something to be ashamed of.  But it sounds to me like you don’t think you’re good enough for your SO.  Or worse, that your SO makes you feel that you aren’t good enough for him.  That’s not any way to be happy.  If this is an isolated incident I wouldn’t give it much thought and chalk it up to videogame distraction, but if you’re consistently feeling inadequate that’s something to really address.

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