Post # 1
So a few months ago, my bf and I were in the car and I was holding his iphone so I could change the music while he drove. He got a few texts from his mom’s jeweler asking about some pink sapphire stones in the ring he is creating for a December proposal. We have been recently talking about getting engaged since he is moving half way across the country to attend graduate school. I’m not moving half way across the country leaving my family and friends behind without some sort of committment on his part, plus I would have to go back to school to get my teaching certificate there because the state is really strict with out-of-state teachers
He took me on an amazing trip for our 3 yr anniversary right before Christmas. I was expecting the proposal on the trip but it never came. So I thought since we would be at his mom’s for Christmas then it would happen there.
On the way to the airport at the end of our trip, my bf forgot his phone in the car that dropped us off. He used my phone to access his email to get the number of the driver. When searching for the email I saw a confirmation email that he cancelled the ring and replaced it with a necklace for Christmas.
I did ask him if everything was okay in our relationship and he said everything is fine. We’ve been seeing a couple’s counselor bc his mom thinks it’s a good idea since her relationships have been hell.
I’m at a loss on why he would cancel it. It’s one thing to cancel the order and another to purchase the ring and just keep it until the right moment.
Any advice would be helpful.
Post # 3
@aliann: It’s possible that he decided to go with a different ring. You won’t know the story behind it for sure unless you gather up some courage, admit to snooping, and ask him.
Post # 4
@aliann: maybe he just decided it’s too soon…or he knew you knew he ordered it? I’m sorry this would be very upsetting to me.
i think I would come clean and talk to him about it..
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
Honestly, there’s no way any of us (or you) can know why he did this unless you ask him. The best way to bring it up is just to say that you knew he had been planning a December proposal and your vacation as well as xmas has come and gone. Ask him if it’s still going to happen and let him know that it is a deal breaker for you (I assume it is since you will not move to be with him without a proposal).
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
Maybe he didn’t like how the ring turned out so he cancelled the order and it was too late for him to choose or design a new ring. Or he could ahve been designing a ring and the jeweler mistook it for an engagement ring which scared him into changing the order from a ring to a necklace. Who knows? You snooped and only have part of the story. Maybe it’s a good idea to come clean at your next counseling session so you can ask him what happened with the ring.
Post # 7
@aliann: i’m not sure why he would switch from a ring to a necklace. only he can answer that.
why do you feel it necessary to see a counselor at this stage of your relationship? are you going just b/c his mother said to?
do you openly discuss where this relationship is going? do you really need a ring to feel more secure in the relationship?
Post # 8
I would come clean and tell him you snooped and get his side of the story. As other bees have said, there could be several reasons for cancelling the order! You won’t know and will keep stressing about it until you ask.
Post # 9
Sorry to hear this…waiting sucks especially when you think your so close! hopefully he pops the question soon!
Post # 10
I would come clean and ask him. You need to be able to talk to your SO about these kind of things, yeah you shouldn’t know the information but now you do and should be comfortable enough to talk to him about it.
Post # 11
@aliann: I agree with most of the PP’s. You should come clean. If you want to marry this guy, he’s gotta be the person you want to open up about everything on the first place, so yeah.
Post # 12
I’d give it a few weeks and see if a propsal comes. If not, time to sit down and ask what happened to the December proposal…
It’s possible he went with a different ring, who knows.
Post # 13
Thanks everyone. I’ll talk to him when he gets back from his mom’s.
His mom first mentioned couple’s counseling and then we discussed it and decided it was best. He doesn’t have any positive relationships in his family. His mom has been divorced a few times, all his aunts and grandparents are all divorced. His dad was married to someone else when his mom got pregnant with him. It’s hard for him to communicate with me about things so he goes to our counselor and they talk and then we go for a couple’s session.We havehad the discussion on where our relationship is going. I don’t need a ring to be secure in my relationship. I know he loves me with his actions and words. But hearing that he was getting a ring and then canceling it was upsetting.
Post # 14
That’s tough. We have no idea why he cancelled the ring order. I wouldn’t let it ruin your mood or change your perspective of him unless you had more information. It’s really easy to just jump to conclusions, so bring it up to him and ask!
Post # 15
I did ask him if everything was okay in our relationship and he said everything is fine.
I think it would be in your best interest to look at this from a different angle.
Rather than asking him if everything is OK in your relationship, look in the mirror and ask yourself that question.
Here are the facts that we know:
- You already made it clear to him that you’re not uprooting your life and moving across the country without a firm commitment from him. (BTW I totally agree with you on this.)
- He is the one who said he was planning a December proposal.
- There are four days left in December.
IMO, he needs to be held accountable for his words. He is a grown man and if he is smart enough to figure out how to meet the testing and application deadlines to get into grad school and plan a cross-country move, he should have no problem processing what you’ve already told him: that you’re not going anywhere without a commitment.
In other words, I don’t think it’s necessary for you to bring this to his attention in the form of a heart-to-heart talk. It’s not your job to think for him and help him remember to keep his promises to you.
Perhaps he ordered the ring through another jeweler and still has every intention of proposing to you sometime in the next few days. That would be great and I hope that’s the case.
But if he “forgot” or it somehow slipped his mind that you two had discussed and mutually agreed on a December proposal, maybe it would help him “remember” if you wait until Jan. 1, nicely wish him a happy new year, lovingly and sincerely thank him for three wonderful years, tell him it’s been nice knowing him and wish him best of luck in his cross-country move, solo?
I wouldn’t worry too much about hurting his feelings here. We teach people — through our words but much moreso through our actions — how we want to be treated.
Post # 16
@aliann: Did you end up talking to him? How did it go? I hope he had good reason and that you two are still good and on track.