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Actually he can buy the ring without your size....you would just get it sized to your finger after he proposed
A friend of mine had a surprise proposal and he didn't know her size. Afterwards he just had it resized (yes it took some time but she just wore a stand in one until it was ready)
Mr. Hedgie bought a ring based on what he thought my ring size was. He was one size off and it was no big deal. We just went and got it resized.
I would tell you not to worry about it and let go of some of your "control freak" tendencies. Let him surprise you. It is okay if he does it his way. If he picks a ring on his own, perhaps you could exchange it for another, or maybe you'll be surprised and love it!
An engagement isn't supposed to be about worrying what ring you'll get or how it's going to be. It's about a man asking a woman to be his wife.
If you REALLY don't want him to pick your ring, then I would just tell him now that you hope whenever he decides to propose, that you'd really like to pick your own ring. It doesn't even need to be a conversation unless he pursues it. That doesn't give any surprise away, it's a simple statement of your wishes for the future.
Just saying: Having your finger sized doesn't necessarily mean it will fit properly! We got mine sized at a 6.0 based on another ring FI purchased for me. I wore it daily and never had an issue with fit. When my wedding set arrived, it was too small. Long story short, it's out being sized again, all the way up to a 7.5! So just because you have a size in mind, it may have to go out again anyway!
@BonbonBunny: Agreed.
If you really want to help pick the ring just tell him, get his thoughts. You never know, he may love having your input, I know my guy did. And no. He doesn't need your size to buy you a ring. Having your size is a nice plus but it isn't necessary for money to exchange hands.
Are you sure he didn't get an estimate of your size from another ring you own? Not that it matters, TBH. Like the PPs said, the ring can always be re-sized later on.
Good luck!
My fiance and I didn't go shopping together. He guessed my ring size and put it on a solitaire setting with the intention of us going back to pick out the setting in the right size.
Don't worry if the proposal doesn't go as you perfectly imagined it or if he doesn't pick the ring of your dreams. Once it happens, the proposal and ring will be special in their own ways.
@claireos: also agree. If you really are a control freak then just tell him what you want.
he totally can buy a ring without knowing your size, people do it all the time. that's what resizing is for.
I had NO idea my ring was coming. My DH snooped around looking for my rings, and I really don't wear any, so he got no help there. So, he arranged a little outing for me and his mom, and we just happened to pop into the jewelry store for her to get her ring "checked". While we were there, she had me try it on and casually asked what my size was. I wasn't 100% positive, but guesstimated.
It was close enough that my e-ring just needed to be sized down a hair. Believe me, if he wants it to be a surprise, he'll find a way. :) I love that I was surpised...didn't have one single clue it was coming.
He can buy a ring without your size. My fiance did that. It's still at the jeweler being resized. I miss it.
heh i have been wondering the same thing. My boyfriend calls me his fiance, everyone in his life (besides his family) already thinks we are engaged (we are not) which makes it much harder for me. But he acts like it will come soon, and has been acting that way for about 6 months now with no progress, saving up, or any information asked and the days just keep going by, holidays keep going by...nothing not even curiosity. He hasn't asked me what kind of rings i like nor does he know the size. It makes me feel like I still have a really long time coming...because he has told me that he wants to buy me a ring first before he proposes. And in his head I think he thinks it will be really expensive but if he even asked me what I like he would find out that no diamonds are even involved and he can get what I want really cheap. Heck I would say yes to a cheerio...fruitloop...or a 25 cent vending machine ring. Ugh. It's not even the ring I care about but he has made it clear that it is important to him to get me something special so i'm patiently waiting.
But I wonder everyday if all guys ask about the ring first? I feel like when he does that then I can start to believe it is really going to happen just because most all of these other ladies have been taken ring shopping or at least asked for them to email him a picture and size before he proposed. my boyfriend i guess is nowhere even near that. 
So I feel a little crazy thinking it will happen soon. Because most likely it will not. I highly doubt he would just go out and buy a ring without knowing any information from me. It's just not like him. And also I feel like he should even find out what i want so he knows how much to save up for I mean right? Seems like the first steps.
so hugs! I have a feeling for both of us that we just need to be patient and that we probably still have quite awhile till it happens. When he starts acting curious about that stuff then i will start to believe it is coming soon.
Thanks, everyone. And I know without background info it prob. seems like I'm petty or forgetting what's important. Just to keep my post shorter, I was only focusing on this one issue. One major factor is that I've 100% decided I've wanted a moissonite, and NOT a diamond. I did mention this (and only this) months ago....I'm just worried now that maybe he assumed I said that b/c of the lower cost, and he may just buy a diamond anyways. I'm NOT trying to sound ungrateful or selffish, I just feel really strongly about not only a moissonite, but picking out the other characteristics of my ring. It is MY ring, right?
I was afraid about the re-sizing option. Does that cost extra $? I don't think my SO would intentionally add on $ in order to surprise me. (Of course, it's a posibility.)
I guess my hope is for an xmas proposal with NO ring. Anyone heard of that? Keep in mind that lots of people will be there. After 7 years of dating and LOTS of pressure from his family members, it seems as if a public proposal in front of them without a ring would be anti-climactic. (Hence my reason for hoping for a private proposal and then ring-shopping trip.) What do you'all think?
@Miss Husky I want to add that I picked out an amazing 3 halo ring that I wanted. I sent my fiance pictures and a website link. I told him that was my dream ring. That I loved the details and vintage look of it.
That's not the ring that I got. I got a single halo, with details galore, and the most beautiful colorless diamond that I've ever seen. At first, I was a little disappointed that I didn't get the ring that I picked out. That went away quickly. I love my ring. It's the ring that he chose for me to wear forever and I can never change that, so I would never change my ring. Everyone who sees it tells me how it's 'totally my style.' He did a really good job picking it out.
My advice is to give him guidence, but let him pick out the ring.
Like you claim to be yourself, you're being a control freak over something that isn't just about you, but about him as well. He has probably thought about how he'd like to propose and it may or may not be a dream proposal but isn't what really counts is he asked, you answered and you begin the journey to the rest of your life.
It's not just YOUR RING. The way I see it, it's just as much a symbol of his love for you. And yes, he can propose with or without a ring, but most men don't want to propose without a ring. And yes, as others say he can do it without knowing your size. I got my ring 4.5 sizes to big. He bought a 7 I'm a 3.25. We resized. I never told him what kind of ring I wanted, never went ring shopping and didn't get my "dream" ring. But I got my dream guy, and wear my ring proud regardless of whether I thought it was the best ring ever. I think he's the best guy ever.
Basically CHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIL out.
My husband looked through rings in my jewelry box and called my mom about which ones fit me. I gave him an idea of what I wanted and then it wasn't discussed after that. I've had my engagement ring three years on Christmas Day and have never had it resized.
@Miss Husky:Sizing a ring up costs more than sizing it down. In the grand scheme of the cost of purchasing an e-ring, it's pennies in the bucket. DON'T worry about the size issue. He'll either pick your perfect size or you'll need to pay small change to get it sized. It's very normal and not a big deal
If you aren't decided with the moissy/diamond issue you neecd to bring it up...RIGHT NOW. If you have a feeling something is happening soon it would be best to let your guy know your preferences before he makes any big purchases.
From the sounds of this it seems like all you need is to just talk to him. That's it. Just ask him how he feels about going shopping together or if he wants you to send him some design ideas. After 7 years he probably knows your personality and won't be taken back by you wanting to help pick out your e-ring. The worst thing you can do right now is just sit back and worry. Communication is the key.
HOWEVER, if he is determined to make this a surprise, be prepared to keep an open mind and remember that you are marrying the guy, not the ring.
EDIT: Misread. Saw you said you were decided on a moissy. Nothing wrong with mentioning it again. :)
Hey waiting sister! Don't you just love how they expect you to do all these fiance- or wife-like things without actually making you just that? Me: "I can't make your doctor's appointment, go to your bank, etc. for you." SO: "Yeah you can. Just tell them you're my fiance." Grrrr.....
I am right there with you on many of your points......Over the years we've seem to go back and forth between let's not discuss it because we aren't there yet, and let's not discuss it so it's a surprise. I now wish I would have said more when we were in the "it's not even close phase" so that certain things would have been said outright under the guise of "Just so you know, if the day ever comes...." If your SO is saying it's way off, you may want to make certain things crystal clear now, so that's it's not akward later on and it can be a suprise for you.
I was trying not to be pyscho and let him know how much I already thought about the ring (and wedding) so I never voiced any specifics, thinking I would get to when "someday" came. I HOPE there are steps he'd take before the proposal like many of the other bees' SO did. (asking what I'd like, finding out my size, taking me shopping, etc.) But my SO (and your's) may just do everything on their own! My SO is totally the type to research stuff on his own and pick out something he thinks is great without my input at all. He's great with gifts! But this isn't another xmas gift. I have to wear it for the rest of my life, right? With such a big purchase (even though I don't want one that's a lot), I really think it should be a joint decision. We have been living together and discuss all financial matters and big purchases.
Thank you everyone for your posts and advice!
@vmec: I actually don't have a dream proposal, or even care about how it happens (at all). However, SO cares way more about that. This has been evidenced by him criticizing basically every proposal of anyone we know. To me, I'd be way more suprised if he dropped down on one knee in a grocery store, but I think he has some very over-the-top ideas about the proposal. Even though I don't want something grand, I'm trying not to take that away from him, as it's clearly important to him and he's thought a lot about it, like you said.
That being said, I do have strong ideas about the ring itself. I haven't considered the idea that it's not "MY" ring. Bees, do you feel as if it's not just "your" ring?
I guess my dilemma is since he does feel so strongly about how he proposes and how the proposal goes, I am reluctant to bring up anything about the ring right now so as to not ruin his "surprise". I REALLY wish I would have said everything several months ago, and then he could have used my wishes regarding the ring however he wanted. It's only now just occuring to me that he might pick it out for me as part of his "idea" about the perfect proposal. I always assumed I would have a say and/or pick it out, so I never took the opportunity to let him know any particulars.
@claireos: I definitely agree we should commuicate about this. I just wish I would have already done so a long time ago. (See what I wrote above....I feel like if I bring it up now, I'll ruin his surprise and break his spirit.) I guess I need to think of a way to bring it up in a way he thinks I'm NOT expecting it, and I still think it's way off. Or try to be slick and leave "accidental" hints. I just am hesitant to have a direct coversation about it now, so close to Christmas, when all I may do is screw up his plans... :(
I told my FI that it was important for me to have a say in my ring because I'm going to be wearing it for the rest of my life. Also, he reallllly didn't want to have to pick it out and I think he would have procrastinated the engagement at least a year if he had to pick it out. To me, honesty is the best policy always :)
'Am I right to tell myself he can't possibly buy the ring without me knowing, since I need to get measured? Has anyone's SO bought a ring without a single conversation or shopping trip about it?'
I know of a lot of SOs that proposed to their GFs without no shopping/ring sizing involved and just pure instinct. It's a big gamble but it has been done. Sometimes the ring isn't always what she would have picked, but it usually works out and they get it resized after the proposal :)
My FI proposed with a ring without getting my size or us talking about it - I had no idea he even had one! While I wanted a surprise I suppose I didn't think he was that close to proposing so the first time we talked about what kind of ring I wanted was the weekend he proposed, while the poor guy had the ring in his pocket!!! We were out with my cousin who confided that she and her longtime BF were finally ringshopping. I was like "you're shopping together...for your ring?" I guess I had never thought of it! She saw like "oh yes, you HAVE to do that, otherwise what if you hate what you get!" So that night I was like "FI, oh no, I guess, do you think we should do this?" I felt like I had neglected some important thing that I had no idea about! So we went on Blue Nile and I "designed" what I liked. The poor guy, what if it had been nothing like his ring? In retrospect it's hilarious but he must've been sweating. He proposed the next day and the ring is, no joke, perfect. Everything I could've wanted. He got it made with jeweler that's a family friend. It did need to be resized down, just a bit, and we brought it to him and he did it same day, no charge. I think the charge is minimal anyway.
So - I guess I would say just try not to stress too much. There is a chance that he knows you well enough at this point to do a pretty good job on your ring (FI and I had never talked about it - he actually talked to some of my friends, though - and I would have NEVER thought he'd be able to figure out what kind of ring I wanted). And, if not, resizing is easy, and he might be okay with adding or subtracting some design aspects to make it yours.
In my case, the ring didn't come until a few days after the proposal. I didn't really know if an actual ring was coming but I didn't really consume my thoughts with it either, especially since sometime prior to getting engaged, my FI and I had both been wearing tin rings that he had made. When I was alone, I wore mine on my right hand most of the time. He'd switch back and forth between wearing it on his right hand or his left, and when I was with him, I'd follow his lead.
During what couple of days elapsed between us getting engaged and getting permanent engagement rings, I wore my tin ring on my left hand.
One evening, he called and said he was on his way to my house as he had something for me. It turned out he had gotten us both silver rings. Bless his heart, he had used his pinky to guesstimate my ring size but it turned out to be two sizes too big, so he and I went to the store he had gotten it from together and exchanged it. However, the particular model that he had gotten for both of us (which was basically a regular silver band that was technically marketed as a wedding band but I digress) was not available in my size but another band that was also silver but had a border on it was, so I opted for that, and I've been wearing that every day since then.
My DH stole one of my rings to figure out my size - the problem is, he stole a ring that I wear on my right middle finger (a big david yurman clunker) and I"m right handed, so it was sized to about a 5.5 and I am a tight 3! As long as he's buying you a ring that can be sized, there's no need to worry.
My friend's now-husband proposed with a slightly cheesy, but cute, cheap ring from Claire's or somewhere, and then afterwards they designed the "real" ring together and had it made. Is it possible that he would do something like that? I personally really like that idea, keeps the proposal more of a surprise because he wouldn't need any input previously, but you still end up with what you want!
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Long time lurker....first time poster!
For various reasons I won't bore you with, I believe/expect a proposal is imminent. This is coming years after my own preferred timeline, so the excitement/giddiness isn't really present. Of course, I can't know 100% if and when, but just assume for the sake of my post that SO is proposing and soon.
The psycho control-freak in me had it planned all out.....He would propose on one of the two vacations we took this Oct/Nov. Then we'd go ring shopping together in December, and announce our engagement/show off the ring when we visited our families for Christmas. Sounds perfect, right?
Problem is: he didn't propose during the fall. And now I'm kinda scared that he has forgotten what a control freak I am and is planning to buy the ring himself for a Christmas proposal. Personally, I would LOVE an xmas proposal, but I DON'T want a surprise ring. I thought he could easily do a suprise proposal on vacation with no ring. (i.e. what I wanted) But how can he do a Christmas proposal (in front of EVERYONE) with no ring? Seems like a ring is necessary for that type of proposal...am I right?
I'm trying to calm myself down by telling myself it's impossible for him to buy a ring without knowing my size. (I don't even know my ring size.) I'd rather put off the proposal until January or later as long as I get to pick out my ring! However, I don't want to squash his plans if he's already planned out the xmas proposal. I feel like I should have brought up the "which ring I want" convo months ago, and now it's too late with xmas approaching, because it won't be a surprise now. (which he's really into....)
So, my questions are: Am I right to tell myself he can't possibly buy the ring without me knowing, since I need to get measured? Has anyone's SO bought a ring without a single conversation or shopping trip about it?
Note: I have no other rings for him to measure, and it won't be an heirloom ring passed down.