He changed his mind…….I am devestated

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

Unless the current house is being shot up by gang members that just moved in, it can wait. No new house without a ring and wedding date. He’s playing you and if he gets the new house now, you’ll never get the marriage because he knows how to put you off. A man that wants to marry you wants to do it now, not in some nebulous future that may never exist. He gave you a date, make him stick to it or walk.

Post # 5
Member
1168 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@Briar_Jupiterglimmer:  I would have a serious conversation with him and talk about how important marriage is to you, and why it is so important to you. While I understand his point of view on money, it doesnt seem like he considered how this choice could impact you… 

Personally I think this should be more of a discussion before any decisions are made. It doesnt sound like you discussed it much, it just sounds like he stated what he has decided… 

Post # 6
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

It sounds like it’s not what he really wants, sorry 🙁

 

Post # 7
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I really, really hope he’s saying these things to throw you off… But it sounds like marriage is not anywhere on his timeline.

Post # 8
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Briar_Jupiterglimmer:  Would he be expecting to put the house in both names if you were to buy a new house?  That would be one good question for him.  If you aren’t going to be a major part of that…and the decision…I’m sorry but I would walk!  

Post # 9
Member
1216 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Briar_Jupiterglimmer:  It’s one thing for him to prioritize those things if wedding and an engagement wasn’t even on the table, but to get your hopes up and then take it back, I would be devastated too! My biggest pet peeve is when people say one thing and do another.

I’m not usually one for ultimatums, but I do think there is nothing wrong with wanting a certain level of commitment before buying a house together. My SO wants to go to grad school and get his PhD which could take us anywhere in the country. We’ve been together 3 years and I told him I didn’t want to pressure him, but that I wasn’t comfortable moving somewhere to chase his dreams without getting married here at home where all of our family and friends could be a part of it. He totallly understood. I think saying something simliar is totally justified in this situation, especially since you’ve already talked about a future!

Post # 13
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@Briar_Jupiterglimmer:  Then tell him that you don’t want a new house, until you’re married.

What’s wrong with the house you have? Why doesn he want to sell it?

I think he’s making excuses, tbh

Post # 15
Member
3200 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@Briar_Jupiterglimmer:  Does he expect you to buy a house without a serious committment?  Also, did he decide on a new house without you?  If that was the case I think I would be preparing to move on since he really does not seem to value you as an equal partner in the relationship.

Post # 16
Member
425 posts
Helper bee

Sorry to hear your situation. I don’t know your situation at all other than what you’ve written here, but I have to honestly say that it does seem like he is making up excuses to not get married. I don’t think he’s ready to get married, otherwise he would have proposed. As far as what is holding him back, I have no idea. I hope you two sort it out, even if it means leaving the relationship for new and better opportunities.

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