Post # 1
Hi bees, sad post to write. I broke up with my SO of over 2 years yesterday because he could not “commit”…in any way. As I’ve written before, we were in a long distance relationship for the past 9 months, and there was no end in sight and no plan to move. I am new to my job (first year associate at a firm in my hometown). He stayed in the town where I attended law school. He kept making important life decisions without consulting me, such as applying to grad schools out of state. While he seems fully able to apply to grad schools out of state, he is vehemently against looking for work or school near me in my hometown. I finally confronted him, and he confirmed he does not want to move by me, as he would be “giving up everything.” He also could not commit to me in a way that would make me feel comfortable moving back to his city. I was not needing an engagement yet, just affirmation that he sees me in his future. I do not doubt that he loves me, but apparently he does not see me as “the one.” There are other red flags that I think I recognized and looked past, like issues with selfishness and immaturity. Anyway, yesterday, the relationship ended.
I’m sharing this because I would like comments from any bees with experience ending relationships with guys who just could not commit, and how it has turned out for you now. I need some good stories to get me out of my funk and help me remember I did the right thing
Post # 2
- Wedding: December 2014 - 13th ~ TN
misspj3: I am so sorry you had to end it. I know it hurts right now but one day you will look back and realize why it had to end.
Apparently the two of you are not meant to go down the long road of life together. He is very obviously not ready to be with you. Otherwise he would be. You can take the whole, if it is meant to be approach, but at this time I would just move on and not look back. If that happens then great! However, I feel, from what you are saying, that there are bigger and better things in your future. Good luck!
Post # 3
I never ended a relationship with a guy because he couldn’t commit, but I had a guy end a relationship with me because he knew he couldn’t commit and could see that I would want him to.
It hurt so bad at first because I wasn’t expecting it, and I liked him a lot. But now I look back on all the little ways he showed me he was selfish and self-centered, and how hard I had to work just to get my most basic emotional desires met. I never felt like he had my back, and it felt like we were always emotionally grappling, since we were never on the same page and I was always trying to get there while he, I realize now, was always resisting.
Later I met my fiance, and he showed me what it can be like when you are with someone who is as open to love and committment as you are. I feel able to give freely since I know my FI wants what I am giving out, as opposed to having to pre-think all my emotional responses to make sure I am not doing or saying something that might “scare him off” or “make him feel pressured”. Needless to say it feels so much freer and healthier.
To conclude, if you need to be in a relationship with commitment or at least the possibility of it to be satisfied (and many of us do need this), then your needs simply weren’t being met by your ex. It is the same as if you needed sex once a day to feel satisfied while he only needed it once a month. You had no choice but to move on and possibly find happiness, or stay and continue to be disappointed. You made the optimistic and mature decision.
Post # 4
Good for you not wasting another minute on a relationship with out a future.
Congrats on your law job! Focus on your new career, hit the gym, pick up a new hobby, hang out with your friends and you’ll be over it in no time. You’ll be glad this happened wheN you meet your husband!
Post # 5
misspj3: You made the right decision.
I think you were the one who also posted about him not being able to save he “loves” you? That is fine to take time until you are comfortable and ready, but that with this and him applying to grad schools even further away without telling you – it is just too much.
You can now open yourself up to (hopefully) find someone in your new town who can give you all the things you need. I wish you the best of luck. It really sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders 🙂
Post # 6
leisha606: Yeah, that was me. He eventually said it and got comfortable with it, but thats about as far as we got committment-wise.