(Closed) He did it, now she’s mad (vent)

posted 8 years ago in Proposals
Post # 3
Member
2008 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I’m sorry she’s acting this way but if you want the truth, I wouldn’t have gotten a much better reaction if I had gotten engaged that young either!  It’s definitely hard for parents to admit their kids are grown.  I don’t think there’s much you can do about it other than support your FSIL and help her ride out the storm.  Good luck and I hope it blows over soon!

Post # 4
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am sorry that her day was ruined that is really unfortunate!

But at the same time I can kinda see where the aunt is coming from because it does seem like they are really young – I don’t think that she handled it in the right way but I am sure she just wants what’s best for her niece!

Congrats to your FSIL!!!!

Post # 5
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I agree that I don’t think the aunt handled it the right way.  But I also agree that I’m not surprised they weren’t warmly received with this news.  If my children got engaged at 18, I wouldn’t be happy either.

Granted I don’t know this family’s dynamics.  And you indicated that the aunt has other motives for her behavior, saying she’s jealous.    But it’s tough for parents to sit back and not say anything, or pretend to be happy, if they feel like their children are making a mistake.  Parents work hard to raise their kids.  They don’t want to see the train derail.  While it is good that the couple is looking to wait until after college to get married, why couldn’t they wait to get engaged?  They’re still establishing a commitment at an age in which the individual is still in the process of being formed.  Maybe it’s just my experience, but I have yet to meet an 18 year old, whom I’ve felt is mature enough to get married.

But I wish the whole family peace and happiness.

Post # 6
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

That’s terrible! I agree with caitlanc – if I would have told my parents that I was engaged at 18, they would have flipped their lids (actually, my whole family would have) even though we’ve been together a good long time. All you can do is be there for her and support her through this difficult time, especially since you’ve been through it before with her (and have seen the light on the other side). Just talk to her about what you experienced maybe, so she knows it does get better. Good Luck!

-Bella

Post # 8
Member
2144 posts
Buzzing bee

Aww. hugs to your FSIL. My MIL got really upset about a week or so after we got engagned (pretending that we never told her when it first happened, which we mostly definitely did), mostly saying we’re too young. But, she got over it. I think the aunt definitely overreacted. I can’t say how I’d feel if my child got engaged at 18 (by the time I was 18, my family kept asking me if I was engaged yet lol), but I do know that there are better ways she should have handled it. It’s just hard when emotions get the best of you in moments like that. I do think that uncle should have mentioned it to aunt though and some of this could have been avoided…

Post # 9
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I agree this was definitely handled poorly, but she *just* turned 18?  She’s just a kid!  I can’t imagine my parents being thrilled either.  I got engaged at age 20 after A LOT  of talking about it, and while they were happy, they were a lot more comfortable when it was emphasized that we had no plans to marry before I got out of school.

Post # 11
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Your poor FSIL! That’s aweful!!! At least you know it will blow over.

Post # 12
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Sucks for your FSIL although I totally see why there is all that negative energy thrown her way.

All I can really say is she’s gonna hafta suck it up and deal with it head on like a mature adult. If she wants to be treated like one, she’s going to have to act like one and perhaps at some point have a chat with her mom and dad about it. She needs to probably do something like that to prove to them she is ready. In their eyes, she is only 18, a baby, etc. But if she takes the reigns and does adult things (sitting down your parents for a talk? def adult!) then maybe they’ll start seeing that side of her and they’ll warm up to it.

She’s not getting married until she’s 22? Why the 4 year engagement?! I mean, really….4 years is exceptionally long.

Post # 14
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Aw, your poor FSIL, that’s really tough.  Sometimes parents or parental figures don’t realize the harm they’re causing by showing their gut reaction.  I’m sure its hard to watch your babies grow up but its natural and she’s gonna get used to it.  She’s just doing it slower than some people.  She’s going to regret her reaction and wish she could make it up to her.  Your FSIL will prove to be the responsible person you say she is and everything will work out.  Tell her to come to weddingbee, she’ll get anonymous support too!  Lol

Post # 16
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Oooh, that makes sense.

Well…i will say that 4 years of engagement during college is going to be tough. I wish them luck; statistically the odds are against them so hopefully they both grow and mature together and the aunt sees that they are in it together and this engagement isn’t just a flighty kind of thing. Is he going to the same school as her? You grow up a LOT in college–moving away and going to school will definitely help cement the “i’m an adult” aspect to her aunt!

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