he didnt come up with the wedding money!!!!! Legal Advice

posted 2 years ago in Money
Member
1917 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think your best bet would be trying to get money back from vendors however you can (make sure you read those contracts carefully!). Have you given any money to your ex fiance? If so, I’m not sure how successful you would be getting the money back from him – I think that would be considered similar to lending him money for groceries or rent, sure it’d be nice if he paid you back, but the court may not be able to help much.

I’m glad you’re calling him an ex-fiance! I could understand if he struggled to save enough and told you about it, but to be so irresponsible as to push you into a big wedding, not save any money, then tell you at the last minute that you should come up with another $25K (because everyone has that laying around, right?) is a recipe for a disaster.

My advice – get as much of your money as you can from the vendors and from him, then walk away and never look back.

Member
657 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t have any legal advice but hopefully there’s some other bees that can help you. 

I can’t believe he deceived you the way he did. Can’t you cancel the wedding and talk to the vendors? Maybe they can refund you some of the money you have paid them? Good luck lady!

Member
11379 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@hummingbird2627:  i can’t believe he would do this to you.  it’s so disrespectful.  did he seriously think that his contribution wasn’t needed?  he obviously doesn’t care so much about the wedding.  what is he saying about his actions or lack thereof?

Member
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@hummingbird2627:  this is so horrible! How could he do this?!? How? I am so sorry for you, you must simply be in shock. Best of Luck to you I really hope your vendors are able to offer you some refunds. I don’t have any legal advice for you, but I really hope you get a decent portion of that 19k back. Perhaps you can tell your ex that he can pay you half without involving lawyers and if that doesn’t work, then go see a family law expert. Are you leaving him for sure? My husband lost close to 20k on a vehicle depreciation. It was horrible, but we got through it and now we have ‘our’ money, not his and mine.

Member
6077 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

“I do not think that this wedding is going to take place because I don’t have it to put in for him”

 

So if you happened to have the money to cover his share of the expenses would you still be getting married to him?

 

Very sorry that you are in this situation! 

Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Without some sort of written contract, I don’t think you can take any legal action against him. All he would have to say is, “she said she’d pay for all of it and now she claims I’m supposed to pay whatever.” It’d all be your word against his. I could be wrong though and hope I am. Sorry you’re going through this.

Member
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Is this about the wedding … or the marriage? Is he the person you want to be *married* to for the rest of your life, or not?

Member
4293 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@hummingbird2627:  That’s terrible!!  I would leave him, no doubt about it!  Like you said, you wanted a small affair, he wanted something bigger – you compromised AND held up your part of things!  For me it’s been like PULLING TEETH to get FI to contribute to our joint wedding account, but he’s done it.

It might have been smarter for you to budget him saying ok we need $25k over x amount of months so we should both be saving ‘y’ per month or ‘z’ per paycheck.  My FI can definitely not do that.

He actually promised me $1k/3 months and wasn’t able to do it but it wasn’t the crisis we meant it to be — just a huge fight!  I don’t get what it is with guys.  And it’s terrible that you’re just finding out at this point, I am so sorry!

Member
3896 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

You need to take every effort immediately to cancel with your vendors, which will likely mean paying penalties, but generally speaking, the courts will not award you damages if you did not make an effort to minimize those damages.

In other words, if you cancel now, you might be out a $5k deposit (or however much) to the venue, but depending on other factors (which I’ll get into in a second) you might have a decent shot at getting half or more of that money back; if you wait till the last minute, though, you’ll likely owe the venue a bigger sum of money PLUS the courts will be less likely to award you anything, because by your inaction, you allowed the penalties to grow.

So cancel everything that you can, as soon as you can, and do it in writing.

As for legal recourse, the first thing that is going to matter is whose name is on those contracts. If you’ve signed for everything yourself then it is much harder for the courts to find in your favor than if both of you have signed.  If you are the sole signator, then keep track of all emails and text discussions you had with your fi/ex-fi to help demonstrate that these were joint debts, agreed to by him, rather than a debt that only you are liable for.

The next question the courts will want to ask is whose actions are causing the cancellation. Generally, whoever calls off the engagement is whoever foots the bills, and the eventual ownership of the engagement ring will also be determined sometimes by who called off the engagement. There is a lot of variance between jurisdictions in how this is interpreted, but if you’re the one calling things off, generally speaking, you’re going to pay a larger share of the penalties, except in cases of abuse or other situations where no reasonable person would be expected to go through with a marriage. Unfortunately, though, I’d be a bit surprised if “failure to save money for the wedding” is enough grounds for you to call the event off and still have him pay for it.

That said, I would hope you’re deciding whether or not to stay with this man on the overall relationship and not just his ability to save up to pay for the wedding. I hope if you want to leave, you’ll do it regardless of how much it costs you.

Member
1200 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@KCKnd2:  Yes.

OP: Do you want a wedding or a marriage to this man?  If it is the latter, re-scale your wedding and make do with the money you have.  It does sound like you two have some trouble communicating about money, though. You should probably look into that a bit further before marriage.

Member
3971 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Are you looking to pursue legal action against your “ex-fiance” or are you looking for advice how to get back your money from vendors?

Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

You have a case, and I would get a lawyer. The sticky point is this: who signed the vendor agreements? If it was both of you, this is very cut and dry. He is contractually obligated to pay, and pretty much any court would find a 50% split to be fair. If it was only you, you can still make the argument that he committed to split the cost with you. One of the big things they look for in the case of a non-written agreement is reliance, ie are you worse off because you acted under the reasonable belief that he would come through. That is clearly the case here.

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