He didn't love his wife when he got married!

posted 3 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

“For children, love is a feeling; for adults, it is a decision. Children wait to learn if their love is true by seeing how long it lasts; adults make their love true by never wavering from their commitment.”
Orson Scott Card, Pathfinder

Post # 5
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

No I quite disagree.  I think he’s just trying to convince himself of love becasue he dosn’t love his wife and didn’t take the time to actually get to know her before juming into marriage and now becasue of his religion he’s stuck so he has to explain it to himself any way he can and rationalize his life.  

 

Post # 7
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@MsW-to-MrsM:  also think this quote is BS and not becasue Mr Card is a vile excuse for a human being.

Sorry no.  there is way more to my relationship then oh I have to stay with this person becasue that is that, no matter what becasue that is the decision I once made. BS.

Post # 8
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Atalanta:  Jews can divorce.  Even Hassidic Jews.  It’s not forbidden in frum communities.  As the man, he has the right to initiate divorce as per their wedding contract, so long as he follows the ruling of the religious court who grants the divorce and is willing to pay the year’s support minimum that is required for the bride.  Judaism has always had divorce.  He isn’t stuck because of his religion.  

Post # 9
Hostess
9903 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

I struggle with this sometimes.  Fh and I have been together for almost 9 years.  We’re now 30 and 31.  Things have changed a lot between us since the beginning of our relatinoship.  When we started there was fire and passion and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other.  I knew I loved him.  Over the years, the fire and the need isn’t nearly as urgent but I still love this man more than ever.  Sometimes I wish for the old days, the urgency, the fire, but I wouldn’t trade what we have now for that, ever.

Post # 10
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

He’s doing exactly what more marriages need to be doing. Sometimes, people fall out of love, especially after many years. So you learn how to love them in a new way, over and over. It is a choice. 

Post # 11
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@asianbarbie:  No love is not a choice.  Only people who are in realtionships where they are forcing themselves to be with the person, then they think it is a choice.  The dude is obviously forcing himself to stay with his wife who he dosn’t love so he has redefined love for himself.  Good for him, or not, I think that’s a pretty miserable relationship.

The love is a choice is the whole argument against gay marriage, just chose to be with the opposite sex! It’s that easy.  We don’t choos love that is horseshit.

Post # 12
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Atalanta:  When you say your vows, you state that marriage is staying with someone for better or for worse. You clearly just don’t agree with that.

Post # 13
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@mistress_anne:  Sure they can but I think for this man personally he can’t, that it is not for him since he writes negatively of divorce.  Just becasue it is legal even for Hasidic jews dosn’t mean that a lot of them don’t believe in it becasue of their religion.

Post # 14
Member
4760 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@onceinalifetime122113:  and you also state : to love and to cherish.  

It’s both together, not just the one.

Post # 16
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Atalanta:  The divorce rate is not high in frum communities, but it isn’t uncommon.  I know a fair number of Orthodox men and women who have divorced for many reasons.  The beit din, the religious court that grant divorces and arbitrate disputes between fum Jews, has a procedure to make this happen, and they do it frequently.  My point is this: as a Jew, he has a right to a divorce, and if he was not willing to commit to his wife, he could have divorced her and looked for a new shidduch.  But he decided not to.  He is not trapped by his religion.  Judaism is one of the few religions that has an actual theological and legal process for divorce.  It is not regarded as a positive — the rabbis want marriages to succeed — but when partners are making each other miserable, they are encouraged to divorce and find a happier match.  That’s the point I’m trying to make to you.  This man had every option available to him that secular people have, and in fact, comes from a community that makes divorce an even less stigmatised decision than secular society.  He chose not to do it.  You’re minismising the choice and doing him a disservice.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors