Post # 1
I’m honestly about to move out. The lack of helping and caring is getting to me.
My husband is lazy. He never cooks, never cleans. This isn’t some “it’s women’s work” thing, he’s just LAZY.
I do all the laundry.
I do all the cleaning that the cleaning lady doesn’t do.
I pick up.
I clean litter pans (can’t wait until I get pregnant and STILL have to clean them).
I clean fish tanks and do water changes once a week.
I mowed the lawn until I caved and hired someone to do it.
I used to do all the cooking until I finally put my foot down and said he had to help. His reponse? To make a big bowl of onion dip and buy some chips and call it dinner because that would have been his dinner when he was single. No matter I am fat and need to eat better than that. He says I just can eat less of it, but let me tell you, a normal calorie amout of that garbage does not fill me up, plus it’s just not healthy. It’s freaking sour cream and salt!
What do I do, Bees? I’m physically exhausted after working all day and doing all this. And I really resent it. How hard is it to do something simple with chicken breasts and frozen veggies?
Post # 4
As much as I’d love to, I can’t live like that.
Post # 5
@starrynight: yep going on strike for a small while would be worth it!!!
Post # 6
bump up your housecleaning package to include laundry, hire pro maintenance for the fishtank, source healthy takeout options and make him pay the difference?
Post # 7
A serious conversation is in order!
Post # 8
That would drive me up the wall. Seek counseling! You are doing waaaay to much. I can’t believe that he doesn’t see how incredibly unfair and selfish that is. It doesn’t sound like he even tries to help out. Is that true? I never understand how partners dont acknowledge what a deal breaker that is. This is day to day living! Can’t imagine going through my life like that!
Post # 9
sex? does he want to have sex? give him ONE thing (to start with) i.e. cooking one meal. Even if it’s hamburger helper. Don’t have sex til he starts doing something! you can’t expect a lot at once but really one thing to help you is a start.
Post # 10
I agree; Go on strike! I had to at one point and it did the trick! He had quite the problem when he ran out of underwear and was eating ritz crackers with peanut butter!
Post # 11
Well, depending on how he might react, you have a few options that I’d consider (not all of which are very mature but may be effective…
1. have a serious sit-down conversation with him about your feelings on this issue, how it’s negatively affecting you and hence negatively affecting your feelings for him and your relationship. One thing I’ve found effective is asking him, “what chores are you going to do?” so that he doesn’t feel like you’re “telling” him what to do. If this doesn’t work…..
2. consider, as a PP said, bumping up your household maintenance services (if this is affordable to you).
3. tell him that if he’s unwilling to work as partners on this that you will become unwilling as well….wash only your own laundry, make your own meals etc. Why should you do things for him when he isn’t willing to do things for you?!?
Also….if you plan to have children with him, keep in mind that it will likely only get worse unless some major changes happens NOW.
Post # 12
He doesn’t want sex. Here’s more background:
The problem is, he doesn’t care if I go on strike. He’d be fine eating Ritz crackers and with Cheez Whiz if that’s what we had. He doesn’t care if the litter pans are gross.
It wasn’t like this when we first married, but now…yeah.
Post # 13
What an asshole, acting like a child. Not only do you need a serious heart-to-heart about this, it might also need to be resolved with counseling if he doesn’t really hear you and make a change.
You’re not his mother, or his maid, or his nanny – you are his partner, his equal in marriage. He has no excuse not to clean up equally and learn to cook some healthy meals. It should bring him joy to do some of this because he cares about you and your needs (and both of your hygiene), not just because you’ve nagged him into doing it.
I absolutely would NOT do the “strike” – it’s passive aggressive and I wouldn’t be able to handle the mess in the meantime, hoping he’d “get it.”
Post # 14
I used to have this problem. Things have gotten waaay better since then. I had a serious discussion with my fiance (then boyfriend) that he needed to pull his half of the weight. We divided up the rooms: he cleans the living room and kitchen. I clean the bathroom and bedroom. Granted, his version of clean is different from my version of clean, but at least he’s doing something! Also, I do most of the cooking, and he does all of the clean-up afterwards. I haven’t washed dishes in over a year. Seriously.
I’d suggest sitting down with your SO, outline what needs to get cleaned and when, and divide the work.
Post # 15
Aww :0/ .. I’d go with the heart to heart then. Its not fair that its one sided. Its super unfair he doesnt care. If you explained the stress it causes you and how he needs to clean up, would he come through?
Post # 16
@TwinABee: Well, we did divide up the work – that’s when he did the chips and dip thing and said it was dinner. So in his mind, yes, the work is divided. Which it’s not. I mean, I know we have differing standards on clean but seriously, the cooking thing just ticks me off.
I do think I will stop doing his laundry though. That’s not passive-aggressive, I think it’ll help my sanity.