- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
So FI and I are getting hitched in August, and we’d already had that talk about whether or not we wanted kids a while ago (I do, very much, although not necessarily right now); when I told him I’d like to have my first kid by the time I was 30 (I’m 26 now, was 25 when this conversation happened) he said “I’m sure that won’t be a problem!” He knows I want kids and when I’ll bring it up (when I do bring it up, it’s in a casual way, like if I’m talking about a friend who’s currently raising kids or pregnant, not in a “WHEN ARE YOU GETTING ME PREGNANT?!” type of way), his responses will vary.
He’s been pretty consistent in that he’s said he doesn’t really want kids…when I asked him if that meant he DIDN’T want them, he said that he wasn’t for or against the idea. Basically if it happened, he’d be ok with it, if it didn’t happen, he’d be ok with it. Sometimes if I say joking comments like “Oh that’s gonna be our kid, totally” (for example, saw a geeky meme involving a baby and was like “YES!”) he’ll usually laugh and say “Yeah definitely” or “No way, you’re not doing that to our kid!” But then sometimes, he’ll say “No I don’t really want kids.”
Anyway, today it came up, and when he said his usual shtick, I asked him flat out if he was against us having kids. He said he really didn’t want them right now, but that he didn’t know how he’d feel in a few years. I half-teasingly said “Dear, you’re 36, how much more time do you need?” and he said that he knew people in their 40’s who still didn’t know what they wanted in life. I told him “Well having kids is very important to me, I just want you to know that.” and he said “We’re not ready yet now anyway” (this is true, so we changed the subject).
Before anyone tells me to kick him to the curb, I just want to clarify that we have a VERY good relationship. It is long distance, which sucks, but we talk often and openly, there are no trust issues, very rare arguments, lots of affection when we’re around each other in person.
I’m just wondering if this is just a situational thing (for example, the distance…or could be finances…neither of us have very good jobs, and he’ll be finishing with college this year) or if I should be worried. It’s a bit hard to tell when he’s telling me different things.
Friends of ours that I’ve approached about this have told me “He really loves you…I think if you explain the importance of kids to you, he’ll probably come around.”
Also, I know people may say that at 36 he should know, and while I do agree, I should probably say that he was pretty unambitious for most of his young adult life, and he only just went back to college a couple years ago. So although he’s pretty mature, he’s kinda behind life-goal-wise in comparison with some others in his age range may be.
Whew. So many run on sentences! Sorry, bees. Any advice?