- 5 years ago
I am very concerned about my boyfriend’s attitude toward marriage. We’ve been dating for almost three years now, and are both late 20’s. We do not live together. He has definite plans to propose within the next few months.
I really want a summer wedding. Due to our jobs, it would have to be summer 2013 or spring 2014. I do not want to wait an extra eight months to get married. I think 5 – 6 months is adequate time to plan (and I’ve done quite a bit of research that supports this). I’m really tired of waiting and eager to start a life together.
However, he really doesn’t care when we get married. He says he figures it’s “inevitable anyway.” He’s fine with waiting longer. Sometimes I think he prefers it. He really doesn’t like talking about it – he says I overplan and overthink, which is sometimes true, but he is the exact opposite and lets life happen.
Recently I brought up the idea of us exploring a venue or two. It’s awkward, but if we are going to consider the option of summer marriage, we would need to select a venue very soon. It will not be a big wedding, and our budget is limited. Therefore, we need to plan carefully. He was extremely annoyed with me for bringing this up. He says I’m doing things “out of order.” He wants to wait to decide on a date and venue until after we get engaged. I agree it IS out of order, but otherwise we are probably adding another 8 months to our engagement. I just don’t understand how he can be so carefree about the topic. I’m so tired of driving back and forth, trying to coordinate schedules, not seeing each other many nights, and the “dating phase” in general. I think I am more ready for marriage than he, becuase (due to my focused obssessiveness in completing goals) I’ve been in my career job for five years, while he is in the first year of his.
He’s a great guy, hard worker, caring, and we have so much fun together. He is intelligent, thoughtful, and motivated.
I just need to know – am I freaking out over nothing? Am I overthinking it all? I don’t want to be a Bridezilla, but honestly it is not really about the wedding, it’s about being together. I want to be with him and share a life together.
He doesn’t like change, and when I’ve asked him why the idea of marriage intimidates him, that’s what he tells me. I want to marry a man who is excited and passionate to have me! I want to be with someone who will do anything to make that happen, not delay it as long as possible.
He did finally say he was open to going to look at the venues. However I don’t think he will set a date until after engagement.
He keeps telling me to calm down, “We have the rest of our lives to be together…” he says.
I keep thinking of that quote in When Harry met Sally – “When you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” That’s how I feel! I don’t understand why he doesn’t feel the same. 🙁
Am I overreacting??
THANKS for any and all advice, comments, and stories!