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I would just talk to him about it. Explain how you feel and see his viewpoint in the situation. Me and fi have had some issues along this line and we just talk about whatever we are not agreeing about or our seperate pet peeves and we work through it.
Whenever ANYONE doesn't say thank you to me I give them a very loud "YOU'RE WELCOME." It makes them realize they didn't say thank you, and I usually get one pretty quick :) This includes when I hold doors for strangers and they say nothing, and especially when I do something for DH. Just because I'm your wife doesn't mean you should be "too comfortable" to say thank you.
I would just talk to him about it.
My husband used to open the door for me all time, and then his lock broke in his car so he couldn't. We went months with me opening my own door, so when he finally got it fixed he was just out of the habbit. Yes, I can easily open my own door, it's not about that. So I told him how I felt. I especially think it's important b/c we're having a baby girl soon, and I want her to know what a gentleman is like so she knows how she should be treated by men and she'll know what to look for in a husband.
I wouldn't get into a serious sit down talk about it, but a simple "Honey, it's nice to say 'thank you' to people when they do nice things. It makes them feel appreciated. It makes me feel appreciated."
That should nudge him towards a better effort.
Sometimes my FI doesn't say thank you, so I will say You're welcome and then he's like oh yeah, duh! Oh and if he asks someone to do something and doesn't say thank you, I tend to say it for him in a manner that says HELLO? Forgetting something? He doesn't seem to mind, since it isn't that often.
I understand what you're saying about not wanting to "guilt" him into thanking you. It makes the "thank you" feel hollow. But, if this is really something that hurts your feelings and is noticable every time it happens, then you should tell him.
I read the book The 5 Love Languages before we got married. To feel loved, I absolutely need to have my husband say nice things to me/about me (and am crushed when it seems like he has said something negative). He cannot understand this, but because I've brought it up to him he actively tries to find ways to give me verbal signs that he loves me. He, on the other hand, feels most loved when I do things for him. So I try to remember to take out the trash and do dishes without being asked, because those are signs to him that I love him.
It sounds like maybe you need recognition that you are doing things for him as signs of love and he probably doesn't realize that's important. At first his compliment felt hollow (does he even mean it?), but knowing that he's working hard to show me he loves me is even better than the compliments.
Talk to your DH if you think it's something that will grate on your nerves for a long time and make you feel resentment. He probably would respond to comments of "Your welcome", but also wouldn't really know why you wanted a Thank You in the first place.
Is this a money issue? If he paid all the mortgage and paid for everything and you picked up groceries once in a while would you still expect a thank you?
Maybe he doesn't see things your way. With my FI, we rarely say thank you because we share our life and everything in it including money. We do say thank you when someone goes out of the way to do something for that person (like I rode my bike ot get him his special vanilla bean ice cream - I don't eat this but he does) but not when it's something we both will benefit from like buying dinner.
I would just talk to him and see what he says about it.
To me it's just basic manners. Maybe it's your "job" to buy all the groceries and maybe it's his "job" to buy dinners. But I still say thank you nonetheless. Cause despite who took up the responsibility, they still had the choice not to. In the end, they didn't have to do anything at all and I appreciate that my guy helps take care of our life. So I say thank you. It takes 2 seconds, isn't painful and makes everyone feel good. Why avoid it? Really?
he probably does not realize that he is not saying it. Just say"oh, your welcome" and he should ge the hint. if not, have a serious talk with him...
DH and I always use our please and thank you's with eachother. We really appreciate things that we do for each other. It does not matter who is the breadwinner....
This may not be want you want to hear, but I think it would be annoying to say or hear "thank you" for every little thing that is done for one another. Especially when it is routine things you do every day. I agree it should be said every now and then. No one wants to feel taken advantage of.
And... it may be a matter of how you guys were raised. DH says thank you to me more than I say it to him. I don't remember hearing a lot of thank you's growing up unless it was something out of the ordinary. I guess DH was raised differently from me. Maybe that is the case with the two of you.
I say thank you to FI once in a while, or a thumbs up, lol. I use that as a thank you too. But FI's parents "thank you" to death. it annoys me sometimes. Once i made his dad a birthday cake and i swear he said thank you to be about 20 times that night. I know he was just being nice and polite, but i think thats slight overkill.
FI does the same. I say thank you for everything he does, and he rarely thanks me. I even thank him for working hard at work so we can afford our house, haha! However, he will occasionally and out of the blue thank me for dinner, buying his lunch supplies for the week, etc. and that lets me know that he really does appreciate it - he just is not going to say it everytime. I got him to start letting me know he appreciates what I do for him by one day asking him why he doesn't thank me. He realized that he needed to start acting like he appreciated me. :)
@KristenGotMarried: He doesn't say the words "thank you" but does he perhaps do other things as his way of saying thank you?
I ask because my grandfather is the same way and it drives my grandmother absolutely bonkers, even after sixty years of marriage. When I asked her about it she said that she had to come to terms with the fact that to him actions speak louder than those two simple words and his gratitude is expressed in different ways.
It may very well be the same situation where he "communicates" through action rather than words. If it does bother you perhaps just tell him that you've noticed this happening and would like to know if he sees it the same way. He probably thinks you know how thankful he is without saying it.
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Soooooooo I'm engaged to the most respectful, responsible, wonderful man in the world and am madly in love and simply cannot wait to be married.
Buuuuuuuuut he doesn't say 'thank you'. Rarely, at least. He makes a ton more money than I do, but that doesn't matter to me - I thank him several times for anything he buys... groceries (which is seldom), dinners (which is often), things we do, etc. I left my high-paying job to open my own store, and my salary was drastically reduced in this move. I still pay my half of the mortgage and pick up the groceries, but I try to pick up dinners and stuff too. He never, ever says thank you!
It's not the end of the world, but is there anything I can do about this? I don't want to guilt him into it but it kinda grates on my nerves a little. I do these things because I want to, not because I want to be thanked... but it'd still be nice if he'd acknowledge my contribution/efforts/whatever.
Any suggestions? Thanks! (ha)