(Closed) He Doesnt Touch me anymore

posted 5 years ago in Intimacy
  • poll: Does your man give you oral as much as you give it to him?
    Yes almost equally : (31 votes)
    26 %
    No he never does : (14 votes)
    12 %
    He gives it occasionally, but not as much as you : (26 votes)
    22 %
    He loves to do it and gives oral more than you : (46 votes)
    39 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    393 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    @ready121:  Tell him exactly how you feel.

    Post # 5
    Member
    871 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    @ohulani:  +1

    Communication is a MUST in a relationship.

    Post # 7
    Member
    393 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I can see how business/money problems can relate to low self-esteem. Low self-esteem can also affect the love life for sure.

     

    Post # 8
    Member
    3622 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

    @ohulani:  I agree

    He should seek councelling, and maybe you could do some sessions together too.

    Post # 10
    Member
    4660 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    His excuse doesn’t matter, his behavior is what’s relevant. You can focus on trying to change his behavior without concering yourself too much with feelings and talking.

    When you do talk to him, use phrases like “I love when you…” “When you… I feel so good,” things like that. Really play up your enjoyment when he does touch you. I’m not saying fake it, but you can kinda train a person like a dog — positive reinforcement for behaviors you like, ignore behaviors you don’t like. When he tries to get you to service him, tell him how turned on you are by him and guide him gently to whatever you like — ask sweetly with phrases I mentioned before.  

    I’m not generally a fan of withholding sex as a tool, but in this case, you might consider doing so gently, in the context of the reinforcement thing I mentioned. When he touches you in a way you like, do something you know he loves. When he refuses to touch you, ignore his actions/pleas for “service.” Don’t pretend he isn’t there, but gently redirect him to either touching you, or non-sexual behaviors/topics of conversation. No need to punish, just ignore and redirect.

    Behavior is simple — people do what works. He’s doing something, it’s getting him what he wants, he sees no reason to change the behavior.

    You might see an “extinction burst,” where he pushes harder than usual for the thing he likes, pleading or demanding with you or becoming upset. This means it is working, but you need to be persistent with your strategy and not give in. For awhile, he MUST touch you to get touched. After awhile, he’ll probably learn that his usual methods aren’t working to get him what he wants, but touching you IS working.

    Play the mirror game. You have to do the same thing to each other. “First you kiss me like this, then I’ll kiss you the same way.” It works mostly for mutual touching, which I don’t love, but is a good first step in a situation like that. 

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    1332 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Play games…it is fun.  You tough here I touch here…or I have a very nude color and yummy tasting body powder and I put it on a few different places and he gets to find it with his tongue…fun!

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