(Closed) He doesn’t want a wedding..

posted 8 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You need to try to explain to him the a wedding is a way to publicly commit to one another.  That including your family and friends in the event is part of them also making a commitment to support the union between the two of you.  That when you two wed, you want to shout it on the mountain and share the great news and celebrate the monumental occasion among those you care about and love.

Post # 4
Member
593 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

What if you made it official at the courthouse (with maybe some key people present as witnesses) and then had the outdoor party/reception later that day to celebrate with family & friends?

Post # 5
Member
433 posts
Helper bee

How about a small courthouse wedding with just your parents, siblings or best friends, and then have a dinner reception at a restaurant and invite just those few people, or more if you’d like? You can still have a nice party that feels very special and intimate, but it will cost much less than going the traditional route.

I would do some research on limited budget weddings and get an idea of the things you can pull off with a little bit of careful planning and determination. You can still have a great wedding on a small scale. Once you get an idea of what you can accomplish on say 1K you’ll be more prepared to talk to him about how you can have the wedding you want and he can save the money he wants.

Maybe his imagination is running off with him too and he thinks a wedding needs to cost 20 grand and include 150 people that he doesn’t feel comfortable sharing his emotions in front of. try to figure that out and work towards something you’re both happy about.

Post # 6
Member
2237 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

in my opinion even explaining the simplest fact that you want it should make him consider it.  marriage is all about compromise, so the sooner you start the better

Post # 7
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I will also add, that since the two of you would be paying for the event, that he shuold know it wouldn’t be about showing off, you would make it about the meaning.

Because the two of you will be doing everything it’s not like your parents will be inviting all THIER friends to show them how much THEY spent of filet and sea bass.  I know some of us have families who do want to show off a little, but you could assure him your wedding wouldn’t be like that.

Good luck talking to him abuot it, but he really should be open to your ideas and having a wedding (or a reception or some type of compromise) if it’s very important to you.

Post # 8
Member
2237 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

in my opinion even explaining the simplest fact that you want it should make him consider it.  marriage is all about compromise, so the sooner you start the better

Post # 9
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree with MandaMack. In order for you to respect him not wanting a wedding, he should respect you wanting one. You guys both need to talk about what you can do that is small enough for him, but enough of a celebration for you. Marriage is all about compromise, love and respect for each other.

Post # 10
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

He needs to realize you have an opinion too! Ya’ll don’t have to have something grand and fancy and like you said can have something small just for close family and friends. Make it clear to him that you jsut want to plan something simple. For instance, if you have a friend/family with a nice backyard ask if they’re willing to let you use it as your ceremony site, have a short cute white dress, men wear slacks and button ups, ask your family to pitch in and make food. If he’s worried about finances you could do your own small ceremony for very cheap that way! You just need to put your foot down and let him know how important it is to you to have a ceremony.

Post # 11
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Since he doesn’t want anything fancy and splashy, what about a destination wedding and then come home to a cake and champagne “reception” at your place or someone else’s?  That way, you both get what you want. 

Marriage is about compromise and you need to find a way to make this work for both of you.  Tell him you’re willing to give in to a destination wedding (or courthouse and honeymoon) if he’s willing to have a cake & champagne party at someone’s home upon return. 

Good luck to you. 

Post # 12
Member
2589 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

He needs to learn to respect what YOU want, too. I agree that maybe a destination wedding would be best…LacrossBride’s suggestion is very good all around. But the bigger issue here is that he doesn’t seem to respect your opinion.

Post # 13
Member
303 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I agree with the ladies about going to the courtroom to get married and having a reception with everyone. It doesn’t have to be expensive, rent out a lounge in a restaurant. Tell him you want to have a party to celebrate getting married on a budget! Book off a lounge area in a really nice restaurant and figure out how much liquor will cost, hors d’oeuvre’s floating around and make your own simple centrepieces to dress up the tables. Make it small and intimate with your really close friends and family and he will warm up to the idea. Tell him it doesn’t have to go very late and later you gusy can meet at a pub with some friends just to hang out and have fun.

Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

Compromise doesn’t mean letting him get his way, it means taking a little bit of the two of you and finding a middle ground. A small wedding seems like the perfect compromise!

That’s what my hubby and I had to do, he wanted a huge wedding and I wanted to elope. So we had a small wedding near home.

Post # 15
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee

I just love how the 2000 dollar wedding was conceived!  In fact, I think that is a good place for any couple planning to get married should start.  It is all about the 2 of you, and what your “end vision” is and regarding the goals of what you as a couple want the wedding to be, and then do all the planning regarding that vision.  If you start talking about it that way perhaps you will really get down to the details of what both of you envision the day being like?  Here is a link to this couple’s listed goals.

http://2000dollarwedding.com/2008/07/from-conception-to-reception.html

Best Wishes

 

Post # 16
Member
3866 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Oh, how I can see both sides… because that’s how we feel! LOL.  and by that, I mean we both see wedding like your FI, but also want a wedding.  (yep, we’re very weird people, lol).

So, what we’re doing is having a 15 minute ceremony officiated by a family member followed by a party.  a costume party in April.  (We had considered eloping to his family’s ancestrial castle in Scotland, but the airfare was just WAY too expensive…) I’m actually having fun planning the wedding and my FI is amused by it, I think. 🙂

Also agree with the other ladies.  You both need to sit down and talk about this and come to a compromise.  Respecting each other is key, as well as compromise.  (stubborness doesn’t hurt either, and I’m speaking as one stubborn person engaged to an equally stubborn person, lol.)

maybe you two could have a short ceremony followed by a bbq or have it in a local park.  nothing fancy, just a huge party with a ceremony thrown in.  It wouldn’t be fancy, is wouldn’t be “showing off” and you’d be able to have both: ceremony AND reception without spending a lot of money.

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