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Out for a walk the other night, my darling and i started talking about engagement rings randomly (we've never had the discussion before). I was saying how i don't want him to spend an exorbidant amount of money on me when the time finally comes ... but still, i want it to be something lovely.
He says, "I mean, i better be getting some kind of present if I'm going to be shelling out all this money on a ring" ... and in turn i (reflexively) respond, "of course dear, I'll get you a Harley or a boat or something pretty..." And at this point, we're at our destination, and the conversation stops.
It got me thinking though. A lot. For those of you married or engaged ladies ... Did you get your honeys something pretty in return when they proposed? i know that i would like to, and have been thinking about it for a while, but now that it's sort of expected, it takes a bit of the fun out of it.
What is protocol? I know that i should have probably punched him in the face for expecting anything besides a lifetime of my undying devotion, love, care, and comfort as his "reward" for proposing... but truly, is that enough? (clearly, for him it is NOT, the chump, even though i know he was in-part joking...)
I'm VERY interested to get your thoughts on the situation! Any advice/tips would be greatly appreciated! And of course, i'm not expecting this ring to show up any time soon (clearly there is a LOT of growing up that has to be done... sheesh!) but it's good to have the knowledge of what is expected before it does actaully happen!
He's getting a beautiful wife in return!
Maybe you could barter with a game of Twister!? Most guys would be fine with that! 
Some women get their FI's watches as an engagement gift. But I don't actually know anyone who's done it. I like runningbee's response. ;)
My hubby says stuff like that all the time, in jest. Are you sure he wasn't joking?
Don't feel bad about not getting him something in return! He doesn't need anything but you!
haha, I love runningbee's response. I don't know, it does make sense that your guy get something, seeing as I just got an official proposal last week maybe I'll get him a little something...we'll see. It's a very interesting and good point you've raised, but he is getting you for life, that's a pretty good deal I think!!!
A friend of mine bought her FI a watch after he proposed, but it was her culture (or family tradition) to do so.
hahaha, yeah, i'm SURE he was joking, in a way, but he also has the tendency to want to get something out of everything,,, which is why i joked back and told him i'd get him a Harley. ;)
i dunno, i think it sort of struck a chord with me... like, do you really need to ask what you're getting out of this???
but also i wanted to know if any of you gals got your honey's anything in return, and if it had to equal the value of the ring or what... i already know exactly what i'd get him, something he would DIE to have, that i've put quite a bit of thought into, but it doesn't come close to the cost of a ring -- probably about 1/5 of it... so i was just curious. :)
i think it's certainly all about making your special someone happy, regardless of anything else! that's what i want, is for my honey to be happy! i just hope he doesn't need a $15,000 Harley to do that!! hhaha!
I agree with runningbee and BridetoBee2010. FH didn't expect anything in return and I don't know of any brides who felt obligated to give a gift (or did so) either.
I would think he was being sarcastic. I don't actually know of anyone who has gotten their boyfriend a gift for proposing to them ... but that topic has never came up irl, so I have no idea.
Are you sure he wasn't talking about sexxy time? Lol.
My FI would make jokes that I needed to get him a gift, but he wasn't serious about it. Though I do know women that got stuff for their FI in return (a nice watch, a TV, etc.) I bought "us" a new computer like a month later and told him it was a joint christmas and engagement gift.
One of our friends gave a gift to her husband in return, and I gave my FI a new lens he wanted for his camera. We told everyone it was a mangagement present. I think it's a great idea personally. It's sweet, and for how much effort that guys put into an engagement ring it's fair, I think. I figured I get him for the rest of my life too, why should I be the only one that gets a little gift?
Hm...I never even thought of giving him a gift. Although Mr. S would probably be more mad if I got him one than if I didn't (he hates it when I spend money on him...sometimes it's unreasonable but for the most part it's sweet).
I don't think it occured to my husband to expect something in return, but I did get him a very nice watch he had admired as an 'after-engagement' present. He was very excited and referred to it as his 'engagement watch.' I don't think you have to give him anything and I am sure he was mostly joking, but you could make it a fun thing and buy him a little gift after he pops the question. Gifts are never bad and he will be getting you a rather nice one!
LOL, MsHymanRoth, they always want sexy time. Yeah, high five.
I hadn't thought about it that way. Hmm. I just assumed that for once, the engagement is always about the woman. He gets me for the rest of his life and I'll have his kids. I'd say the score evens out eventually =]. Ummm. Man. I'm not sure what I woulda gotten him! I got him boudoir pics when he got home from Iraq, does that count?
I dunno, he joked that my ring was my reward for being good while he was deployed, so I think we're even steven 
Mine ended up with an Xbox. We had always joked about it... and it was so ridiculously obvious that he was on the verge of proposing, that I went out and bought one for him.
What can i say, he would have bought one for myself if he hadn't been saving up for my ring!
I bought my fiance a really lovely folded-steel samurai sword at the same time we were designing my ring. It seemed perfectly appropriate to me - the engagement was equally wonderful for both of us. We both get a "lifetime of undying devotion, love, care and comfort," and we both get one another. Why should I get an expensive sparkly thing too, and he nothing?
His sword and my ring were pretty comparable in price and he absolutely adores that sword!! Shows her off to all his guy friends and finds any excuse to get her down and clean the steel - he even named her Penelope!
I don't think your fiance-to-be was out of line in pointing out the double standard wherein we gals can expect a beautiful (and often expensive!) ring for our engagement and the guys get nothing.
totally agree, wee spud!
i'm planning on getting him a paddle board, which i know he'll LOVE! i was planning this all along, because i completely agree with nixing the double standard.
We BOTH get each other as the number one gift a person could give... the engagement ring is a long-standing tradition, but who's to say we can't have our own tradition of me getting him a 'thank you for asking me to spend the rest of my life with you' gift too! :)
i think i just got a bit pissed that he was EXPECTING it... since i'd not heard of other girls getting their men anything hwen they were proposed to... you know?
Thanks to everyone for the great comments! i'm getting some good giggles here!
My FH joked about this as well :)
But I didn't get him a large gift or jewlery or anything...
he gets to wake up to me everyday, what more could he want?! ;)
Or, I could continue to go out without a ring on- FI wanted to get a ring on my hand.
I did not want an e-ring. I told FI I'd wear one if he did...though it's a little silly since he did buy me expensive jewelry that wasn't a ring when we got engaged. I think it's a great idea to buy an engagement gift for your guy, though. I don't think it's super common, but who cares? I do feel like it's all a little lopsided. FI hates "things", so he wouldn't have wanted any type of gift...but I might have otherwise.
I just asked a recently married friend about this! She said that she bought her husband a tie for their wedding day that he didn't want to splurge on, but it wasn't really an engagement gift... I think I'm going to get my fiance a PSP as a gift. He NEVER spends money on himself, and I know he really wants one. He always gives me Amazing presents, and my ring is way above and beyond anything I ever thought I'd get. So I think he deserves a little gifty from me!
I have always said that I don't think its fair and I want to get him a big screen TV!
He knows this - but little did I know that I would still be a student (I am a PhD student and we are single income) when he was on the verge of proposing! ~EEEk
So maybe he will have to wait a bit!!!!!
I bought my FH a PS3, some games, and a new computer monitor as his engagement present. It only felt fair that he should get something to mark the occasion like I did. Something that was going to last would have been preferable, but I bought him a nice watch just a couple of years ago for a birthday, and he doesn't wear any other jewellery. (And I couldn't afford the Ducati motorbike he had his eye on!) He probably would have hinted forever if I hadn't gotten him anything, and it made me feel good to get him something he wanted :) If you can afford it, I'd recommend doing something. Oh plus, all his mates will think you're awesome :)
I always thought it was normal to give your FI an engagement gift. Im getting mine a Rolex, just need some time to save the money (he got my ring sooner then I was expecting). The majority of my married guy friends got nice watches as engagement presents.
My fiance wasn't expecting anything in return but Christmas was a few months after we got engaged, and I thoroughly spoiled him that year. He complained that I got him too much stuff and I said he had just gotten me the ring, I wanted to get him some special things. I wouldn't call it an engagement gift though. It might bother me too how your fiance is expecting something, but they all have their flaws. (Actually WE all have OUR flaws!) Try not to be too hard on him. It might just be how he is.. I'd talk to him about it. And also, I'd do what feels right in your relationship. If you want to get him a gift, get him a gift. Otherwise, let it go. I don't think you are "supposed" to give anything after getting a ring! Other than your hand in marriage!
There's no protocol, but I think it's a cute idea to get him a gift. I'm sure your FI was joking (though probably not the best joke when you're talking about rings!!)
I'm by no means traditional and I've always thought it to be a lopsided (though I'm glad it's lopsided in our favor) that the woman gets an amazing gift and the guy gets--well, he gets her hand--but so does she. I bought my FI two rings--the first was his own engagement ring that was by no means close to the cost of my ring--but I thought it was a cute gesture--and then I got him another ring that I knew he liked (black tungsten). He loves his gifts because of what they represent.
We got engaged on our six month anniversary, so I did buy him a tart burner from Yankee Candle to celebrate. Yes, I got the man into candles, what can I say. :) If we'd just gotten engaged on any old random day, no, he wouldn't have gotten anything.
@ Future Mrs. Martin, I'm with ya. I had just graduated college and had no money when he proposed. Whereas he just spent 8 months in Iraq saving up all his tax-money that he didn't have to pay AND had graduated 3 years before me. So, proportionally, if I'd bought him what I could afford, it'd have been nothing but a home-cooked meal.
He's getting a lovely wife! and in a few years he'll recieve a child! Not to mention he'll be getting lots of sex after we get married! hahaha
Didn't buy anything for FH, but we did buy a new truck after the engagement and he drives it, so I guess I technically bought him a truck. Oh, that was a completely unfair deal!!! :( LOL jk. I think I am going to have to drive my truck more though.
I'm with Wee Spud. I picked out my engagement ring, he picked out his engagement guitar. Only fair.
One of Mr. Appleblossom's friends told his gf that she had to buy him a new rifle when he bought her a ring. We were having a few cocktails when we found all of this out, and to this day Mr. Appleblossom still tries to convince me that it was our deal too. I was tipsy, but not that tipsy!
Every week or so I get the "Where's that gun you were supposed to get me?" Fortunately, Mr. Applebossom has his heart set on an Appleblossom Jr.before too long, so I just have to remind him of how hard it will be to achieve that on his own, and it settles the conversation.
It never occurred to me to have a gift ready for him when he proposed and I'm positive he didn't expect it but as I think about it now I think I'd like to do something. I was already thinking about doing a photobook for him so now maybe this will be the (somewhat delayed) engagement gift...
I also think I'd like to write him a note expressing how happy I am and how blessed I feel. I know he'd love that although maybe not all guys would go for the 'mush' like mine does...
I bought him a watch. I didn't know it was a custom in other cultures or that it was sometimes done, I just wanted to do it. He picked it out and we bought it together, same with my ring, so it wasn't a surprise or anything. :)
The greatest gift he gets is your answer - "yes!". What more could he ask for? YOU = priceless!!!
Whenever my FI tries to call the e-ring a "gift/present", I remind him that it is not a gift/present. If so, that'd mean IF (and a BIG IF) we end up not working out, the ring will be mine and only mine. It is a "conditional exchange of an item" - accepting the ring means that you promise him YOU for the rest of your life.
At least that's the way I try to spin it to my FI. He likes to ocassionally bring up that he did well on our ring (and he did!); and sometimes, I just like to poke fun and remind him how well he did in getting me! :)
I say if you want to get him something then you should do it but a gift should never be expected in return.
My FI of course would have appreciated the gift had I given one but what he wanted more in the world was my "Yes". My FI is a very humble man and never expects anything from anyone so when he does receive a gift he is surprised and yet truly thankful.
I got him a pretty cool gift for the wedding though!!
HAHA yea I did... pretty much some sexxytime action! That's the male equivalent of a diamond stunner right? :-D
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