He feels as though he still has maturing to do…please help me understand!

posted 1 year ago in Waiting
Member
1288 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t see what he needs to explain, he is not in the position where he wants to be to get married. He is not ready yet and needs to take care of adult responsibilities first.

Member
387 posts
Helper bee

It’s only been a little over a year and you’re both young. He just graduated and he probably just doesn’t feel like he’s a grown up yet. 

Member
804 posts
Busy bee

I doubt it’s entirely about attaining certain goals prior to becoming engaged.  That may be a part of it, and he probably does want to accomplish things like getting insurance or paying off a credit card or whatever else.  But I suspect that he also wants to come to terms with more nebulous feelings that can’t be quantified. Sometimes wrapping my mind around a concept is just a matter of living with it for awhile and isn’t something that can be measured.

Member
139 posts
Blushing bee

I think feeling like you are ready to get married is not something you can really quantify, it varies for every person. There is no list saying how old you must be, how much money you should have, how long you must be together, etc. It is really just a feeling that I think you just start to feel one day. 

Member
920 posts
Busy bee

Everyone is different.  Most men aren’t ready to get married that young.  People mature at different ages.  He probably still wants to be a kid.  If you rush him he’ll either end it or he’ll end of regretting it and blaming you.  If you want to wait for him than wait if not than leave.  It’s good that he recognizes that he’s not ready for it.

At least he’s being honest though.  Some men would lie just to please the woman they love to keep her.

Member
2787 posts
Sugar bee

It really differs from person to person, and please TRUST me when I say that pushing a guy that young to get engaged when he’s not sure if he’s ready or mature for it is asking for disaster. I proposed to my ex-fiance in 2011 and he said yes, we spent a year planning a wedding for 2013. Last year around March, we started arguing and it came out that he wasn’t even sure he wanted to get married or have a family because he felt he needed to spend so much more time working on himself before he could come to wanting those things.

At least your guy is being 100% up-front and honest with you right now. You’re both so, so young and have a lot of time and personal development ahead. There’s no need to rush into a marraige when you can just enjoy your relationship and each other and support one another’s growth.

Member
10688 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

what don’t you understand? He’;s not ready to get married.  I don’t blame him – he’s 22, you guys are young! You have your whole lives ahead of you for marriage and kids. Just enjoy graduating and establishing yourselves in your careers for now. 

Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee

It sucks waiting but he is still very young. Marriage is supposed to be for life so let him get sorted out first. 

Member
778 posts
Busy bee

@alsgirl:  He’s not ready.  There’s nothing to understand.  And frankly, he’s smart.  He’s only 22, fresh out of college, and three weeks into the “real world” and you want to push him to get married.  Sounds like HE is the one that understands the weight of marriage and knows not to rush it.

Team Your Boyfriend.

Member
1138 posts
Bumble bee

22 is very young and he only started his job recently, he probably wants it established and to feel like an actual adult. I thought I felt like an adult when I was 16, when I was 18, 21, 23, and now 25 I still feel like an adult but looking back, I wasn’t and likely still am not.

You also have not been dating very long for the younger age. I’m sure you’re tired of hearing it, but it’s true. My fiance and I have been dating 3 1/2 years and it wasn’t until he was 25 that he was ready to propose, and neither was I.

I know that you are ready but if you plan to marry, you plan to spend the rest of your life with him, which is typically about 40-60 years. What’s another couple months to couple years to assure he isn’t feeling pressured and is actually ready for it?

Member
4820 posts
Honey bee

he’s exteremly young, and so are you. its probabable you both have some maturing to do…

Member
10365 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

You guys are MAD young. He feels like he has maturing to do, because he literally has maturing to do! You know how many guys I know who got engaged/married at 22? 3. They are all divorced by 30. Wait until you guys are a little older, and more settled.

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