Post # 1
My boyfriend finally proposed after 4.5 years. I’d wanted to get engaged about two years earlier and he drug his feet and made every excuse in the book. It took me telling him I was leaving to get a ring. Now I just feel awful every time I think about our wedding.
I know he loves me, but I can’t help but feel like he’s still not really ready to get married. Our friends, who’ve only been dating 2 years, are getting married today. It is bringing up a lot of emotions for me. I wish my guy would have been able to propose w/o me saying a word. Now, I’m watching these two friends get married and look so in love. All the while, I feel like my boyfriend and I still wouldn’t be engaged, if it was up to HIM.
Anyone been in a similar situation? How can i move forward without all these old emotions coming back?
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2015 - Ketchum, ID
@jtaylor18: I’d definitely bring up these feelings with him. Have a conversation with him, and see how he feels. Also, why not just have a long engagement? I’ll be engaged by the end of this year, but I doubt we’ll get married until like 2015 or maybe even 2016. You can always let him know that there’s no immediate rush to get married, that you just want to know that he does want to eventually get married.
Post # 4
Yeah, this is something that seems like it will get worse before it gets better. Honestly, wedding planning is so stressful, I can’t imagine doing it unless you’re both 100% in. I agree, you should talk to him about it. You don’t deserve to feel like that, and he shouldn’t be making you think he just did it because you wanted it.
It might just be your own mind psyching yourself out though. Just because he took a while to get used to the idea, doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to marry you! Just talk to him. It will be ok!!!
Post # 5
@jtaylor18: I think it’s really crazy that women are made to believe that the ideal way to be proposed to is for it to be this big surprise. In reality, many couples talk quite a bit about engagement, ring shop together, talk about timelines. Couples get engaged at all different time periods in the course of their relationships and I’m not aware of an research that says how long you’ve been dating before marraige, or how you came to be engaged are at all predictive of marital success.
Now, you may regret how you communication about the topic of engagement, but that’s a seperate issue from the fact that you talked about it at all. You should definitely talk over how you feel you forced the engagement and see how he feels about it. But at some point, as long as you are both 100% in agreement about getting married, you just need to move forward and not focus on how the engagement came about. As with any big decision you make as a couple, it’s ok to not be on the same page at the very same time, but as long as you keep communicating and come to an agreement at some point on the issue, it’s really ok!
Post # 6
I think this feeling is fairly common these day. I know I felt/feel this way, but I am still waiting even after 7 years. I had had tons of my friends and his frinds get married while I keep waiting. How I feel about it varries. Some days I will be absolutly crushed like you are, and others I remember that we are our own relationship, he loves me, I love him and that is enough. Me telling him how I feel like I am the “last pick of the litter” so to say because he wouldn’t propose is what finally got him to start talking about rings. I was very sad that it took me asking him also, but now that he has made steps towards a proposal I feel less hurt and less like I am forcing him. I think guys just don’t feel the pressure to get married like we do and my guy atleast really doesn’t feel peer pressure. But I do! Hopefully he will do things during your engagement to remind you how much you truly love each other.
Post # 7
@jtaylor18: I know how you feel as I was in a very similar situation with my now-husband. We had been dating for two years and I’d had enough. I walked, and then he came around to proposing quickly after that. So I did have to force the issue a bit.
Then once we were engaged, he took forever to make his mind up about the wedding itself, the kind we would have, where it would be, etc. Some men are just like this, and I found it extremely frustrating. And I did express my feelings all along, which you should do too. My husband has gotten a lot better at taking my feelings about these delays into consideration. I think you have a good shot at it, but just be honest with your FI. Is April 5 your actual date that was set with him? If he gave you a ring and set a date, I think you’re off to a good start!
Post # 8
Maybe you guys just need a long engagement, there is nothing wrong with that. You will have the satisfaction of a ring on your finger and knowning that you took another step in your relationship and he will have the peace of mind in knowning there is no rush and he will have time to warm up and become more comfortable getting married. Talk to him about his feelings, maybe he proposed because he really was ready!
Post # 9
Maybe you can try to not push for the wedding? There is nothing wrong with a long engagement and it definitely sounds like this guy wasn’t ready to be engaged to begin with, let alone married. Give him a second to catch his breath and stop making it all about you.
Post # 10
@jtaylor18: I haven’t been there because FH and I discussed marriage before him proposing and we agreed that we both wanted to be together. He then proposed when he was ready, and although I knew it was coming sometime that summer, it was still awesome. Neither of us gave each other an ultimatum because we all know how those end.
Could you maybe ask him if he feels pressured? Perhaps he was just trying to get you off his back so he could surprise you? I am sure he is just nervous about the whole thing, but you can show him how stress free everything will be by communicating and taking things slow! 🙂
Post # 13
I think people are truly different. Let it go. During my waiting stage I got sad and angry with my now fiance. I haven’t seen a love so strong even in other engaged or married couples. We are true best friends and I knrw in my heart and through his words we knew from month one so it was sooo confusing to me…then add 3 years and nothing! I never believed in ultimatums so thats maybe where u went wrong. He seriously needed to be ready…not to marry me but to get married. I asked himafter he pproposed why the wait and he said he had to grow up. I feel so confident just like in month one because it was his decision to ask. I never left because I knew what he wanted and felt and what we have-hopefully you KNOW it would of come eeventually.
Post # 14
For what I’ve collected about relatives and friends, it usually takes the girls to talk about the topic before boys decide to propose. Of course, there are boys who will propose out of the blue, and blow their girlfriend off the feet, but I’ve heard that’s not the usually the case.
I think you should talk to you SO and let him know your concerns. I don’t believe he proposed just to keep you by his side, but let him tell you his thoughts.