He forgot my birthday… but it hasn't passed yet.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
838 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@LucyLaLa:  I know this is stupid sounding and “movie like” but FI and I come from the school of we treat everyday like its our birthday/anniversary/etc. FI and I are also the type of people where if we want something, we’ll get it for ourselves so it eliminates the need for I want fill-in-the-blank for my brithday.

I know the exctiment of birthdays are great, the anticipation of a gift and a great day/night. I know your birthday is important (hey! its IS your day after all!) but maybe a nice dinner reservation is all thats needed. Maybe your FI is like my FI and I.. We think birthdays are cool and special, but all in all, just another day, why should we put all this pressure on ONE DAY, when we can do nice little things for eachother all year round. I don’t need a reason to get FI something I think he’ll like (even if its a supid, lame, band t-shirt he’ll never wear from wal-mart lol)

I don’t know if this really helps, but maybe it will give you another perspective =)


Post # 4
2454 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Frankly, if I were you, I would synch your calendars and then send him reminders that it’s your birthday. In the notes section, send him links to what you want with all important information. 

Birthday’s are tricky with my fiance. His family really doesn’t celebrate them except for a dinner out. My family goes all out. Tons of gifts, cake, big homemade meal, etc. No one doesn’t have a birthday celebrated. It’s obvious that I grew up with these expectations that he celebrate my birthday. It’s equally obvious that he grew up thinking that birthdays were just another day. It took three birthdays of mine for me to realize that I needed to be clear in what I wanted and expected (and then to not feel guilt for doing so).

I do not think there is anything wrong is laying out expectations. If you want a gift for your birthday and he can afford it, then what’s the issue in making a list? Just make sure you do the same for him. 

Post # 5
3664 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If he threw you a birthday party, I would count that as your present. But I guess I’m of the school of thought that birthday parties/presents are more important to children than they should be to adults, so maybe it’s just not as important to me as it is to you.

Post # 6
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@ohmybears48:  Agreed.

@LucyLaLa:  Help your guy out and make it obvious with a calendar reminder. Send him a recurring meeting notice and have it go off 4 days ahead of your birthday. I do that for all of our plans so FH has it on his phone and so do I. I think it works brilliantly.

Post # 7
9412 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@LucyLaLa:  He obviously has a bad memory – he has shown you that over the years! I guess verbal reminders aren’t enough, so program it into his phone. It sucks that he can’t remember something so important on his own, but I guess he needs that extra push (you are a lot more patient than I am, lol).

My FI has a terrible memory for most things, but he always remembers our anniversary and my birthday. I am in the school of thought that if it is important to you, then you remember (he could have put a reminder in his own phone). Not cool, especially because you have made it a point to tell him how important it is to you several times.

Also, some people like to do nice things throughout the year, so the official days are not as important. We always do something extra special on our “event” days, but we randomly go out for dinner, buy each other little gifts, and write love letters. It is more special when you don’t “have to” do it, but you want to do it. Maybe he is like that?

Post # 9
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m mad because I already expect to be disappointed by whatever he comes up with.

Well, if you were already disappointed before you even had anything to be disappointed in then this isn’t your FI’s fault. First of all, it’s a birthday gift for goodness sakes. Why are you so worried about a birthday gift? Your birthday hasn’t even passed, and you are already worried about him not buying you a gift? Specifically something from VS. Honestly, if I tell my DH something I want, he will remember, but if it is a specific size no. He won’t remember what cup size to get. I don’t even think he’;d take mer seriously if I asked him to go into VS by himself and buy naughty lingerie or a bra.

You are jumping the gun. He hasn’t “made a habit” out of not buying you a gift. He was late 2 years ago (but he still bought one) and he planned a party and saved for a ring last year. He gets an awesome FI award as far as I am concerned. I think you put too much focus on birthdays.

Post # 10
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@Stephville:  Wait, so he remembers  your birthday just does not always buy you a gift? IDK, from the initial post your reaction seems a bit shallow. Can you give more info as to why this bothers you? Especially with an upcoming wedding. Me and the fiance are under the “no presents, save save save, I love you, etc” thinking so I’m not seeing why you are so upset?

Post # 11
3355 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@LucyLaLa:  you want him to do something, open your mouth or get off your ass and do it. hinting and sulking about him not doing anything when it hasn’t even passed yet is ridiculous. notes, calendar, flat out requests. Just do it.

all this “I want him to think of it himself and I want him to do it” is just utter nonsense.

Post # 12
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Oh, I shouldn’t laugh, but I’ve been there!  My fiance learned a while ago to just put everything in his phone.  I’m positive he has no idea when my birthday is.  But he gets reminders a month before, a week before and the day of.  He also gets email reminders.  I’m reasonably sure he already has our wedding date set in his phone, so he won’t forget anniversary dates.  I also had to sit down with him and say “I like sparkly and shiny things.  You can never go wrong getting me something pretty.”  It may not be the most romantic, but I know I’ll get something I love for birthdays and holidays 🙂

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