he goes to bed without saying goodnight

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
442 posts
Helper bee

Just tell him that you want him to say goodnight and give you a kiss. He’s probably just not thinking about it. If he knows you want him to and then still doesn’t make the effort, then that’s when it could be an issue. But don’t feel bad about if you haven’t said it bothers you.

Post # 4
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Have you told him that?

He’ll never figure it out on his own…

Post # 5
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@shelleymasters2:  I am sorry you feel that way! Maybe he doesn’t know it is important to you, some people rather express their love in different ways!

Why don’t you start doing it? Maybe then he’ll get it and start doing it too 😉

Post # 6
Member
2878 posts
Sugar bee

It’s a matter of habits, maybe he didn’t get used to do that before. You can tell him how you feel and what you’d like him to do before he goes to bed, and tell him goodnight first when he forgets. Over time, he will get used to it and not forget anymore. 🙂 I always say ”goodnight” and ”i love you” before I fall asleep, and when FI goes to bed later than I, I still tell him while half-asleep. We never skipped a night, and it would feel weird, if we did it would probably upset me too !

Post # 7
Member
8708 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

As someone who has gone to bed without wishing my husband goodnight..

 

Those nights, I’m goddamn tired. I could give a shit if the pope himself was on my couch, I’m tired and I want to sleep. I’m sure he means no harm in it, but maybe he’s really bushed and wants to go crash.

Post # 8
Member
6510 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I sometimes crash without saying good night to my husband and he sometimes does the same.

I would bring this up to him if it really bothers you. As a PP said, he will never figure that out by himself.

Post # 9
Member
856 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’d be sad!! My DH has never gone to bed or left for work without giving us kisses and saying he loves us.

im sure your FI just doesn’t realize you care. I’d just say “hey, no sleeping without a kiss first!”

Post # 10
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@shelleymasters2:  my FI used to not say good night either because he just wasn’t used to it. He caught on quick when I did it every night though! I was raised in a household where we said good morning and goodnight every day. I still text my parents goodnight sometimes if I have been out late at night. I’m nearing 30 but I know they appreciate that 4am text, hah.

I would speak to your FI about your feelings, but do it in a non-accusatory manner. Chances are that he is unaware that you are upset by this, and that his actions are entirely innocent. You can ask him to make an effort to say goodnight, but don’t fault him when he forgets. Hopefully, he’ll get to the point where he’ll remember every night.

Post # 11
Member
6644 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think you either need to say something or get over it, some people are just that way.  There are many times I am just tired and I go to bed without saying a word to my DH.  It sounds like you are little to sensitive on the saying good night deal

Post # 12
Member
6900 posts
Busy Beekeeper

This would bother me as I grew up in a home where it was considered common courtesy as well as a show of love and affection. It could be this was not considered as important in FI’s family.  I would tell him how you feel about it and what it means to you.  

Post # 13
Member
2092 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@shelleymasters2:  Just tell him how you feel and start saying it to him every single night! Hopefully he catches on. We say goodnight, I love you and give a kiss every single night. My parents live 1,500 miles away and there is never a night that passes when I don’t send Mom a goodnight text too.

Post # 14
Member
1750 posts
Buzzing bee

If you want him to say goodnight, you’ll have to tell him.

I understand why his not doing these things makes you sad and why you want him to do them, but there’s no need to start doubting yourself and your worth to him. It’s a simple difference in bedtime routines. He’s not trying to hurt you, he’s just going to sleep. 

Tell him how you feel and that you would like a goodnight kiss, or start saying goodnight and making it clear that you want kisses. I’m sure he’ll take to this new routine in no time at all. 

Post # 15
Member
1952 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Every night before bed, I demand at least one kiss and a goodnight. The last words we say to each other before we fall asleep is “I love you”. I get paranoid that one of us isn’t gonna wake up, and I don’t want to regret the last words I say to him…I’m weird like that.

I say “I love you” before I hang up, before I leave the house, etc. If you want a kiss before you go to bed, demand one.

Post # 16
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would be sad if my husband didn’t say goodnight. I bet your man has no idea that it hurts your feelings! Just try to talk to him calmly and express how it’s made you feel! Hope it all works out!:)

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