(Closed) He guilted me into marrying him…

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow… I can’t even imagine, but I would wonder, is it cold feet? or was it something that had caused a rift in her feelings for him?

Post # 4
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I love listening to the radio.  yay!  So I have never been in those positions you described, but I felt when I got engaged it was too soon.  We had been dating 1 year officially, plus a few months and I was 24, I just felt like we need more time.  Then I found out that he had already planned a romantic getaway wedding for us (we did another wedding in my home town shortly afterwards).   I felt like it was happening so fast, but I went with it, I love him and I am so happy I married him.  I am very in love and have a wonderful marriage.  There is no doubt in my mind I made the right choice.

Post # 5
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I was married and knew before that it wouldn’t work and ended up divorced. Then I got engaged and broke it off, so I can speak to both.

The first time I was really young (19).  I got sold on getting married instead of getting sold on the spouse.  At one point I did actually communicate that I thought we were making a mistake and as well got guilted into going through with it because of the embarassment. I think it was just a pride thing on my ex’s part. We stayed together for 5 years and it was “ok”, but I was never really in love.  At the end we were sitting out on our back deck and my ex turned to me and said, “I know you don’t love me anymore. It’s not fair for either of us.”  We were best friends, but not good mates.

Then when I was 25 I started dating a guy I had known for a very long time and we got very serious very fast and had discussions about getting married. He propossed 3 months in, in front of his family. I said yes, out of guilt then too because I felt obligated since everyone was standing there. However, I broke it off less than a month in, and he was devistated.

Now I am madly in love for the first time ever in my life! No doubts and no issues, but it can be very tough when you don’t want to hurt people.  I think I thought when I got married the first time that at one point I loved this person and wanted to get married and that we could eventually get that back.

Happy as a pig in it now though!

Post # 6
Member
4480 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

Walking away from a paid-for wedding is less embarrassing (and less expensive) than walking away from a marriage…

I feel badly for her. I hope she gets the courage to call it off.

Post # 7
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Wow! I would think she was under a lot of pressure she put on herself by herself. She could be concerned that certain people who didn’t want this marriage to take place would be happy and she does not want to make them feel like they ‘won’. Or it would embarass her personally that her love life didn’t work out and it took her THIS long to realize that. But is projecting this as a guilt trip from her FI.

Post # 8
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I couldn’t imagine going through this. the biggest tragety is her not simply walking away at this point. I mean, she knows she’ll be miserable, and he won’t have a chance to find someone who does want to marry him.

I understand his reaction is actually fairly normal, but she needs to be strong and walk away – despite what anyone thinks. He’s saying all of the other things because he doesn’t want to lose her. Years from now, he may find someone perfect for him and go “Wow…it’s never felt like this before…”

I’ve been there. Clinging to something that was actually bad for us both.

Now, I am engaged and happier than I have ever been. I had never believed that there could be someone who could love me so intensely. I was wrong. They could be wrong too.

Post # 9
Member
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I was married right after my 20th b-day.  I knew it was wrong, but felt pressured to do so, I was pregnant!  The day we got married was the only day thru-out my entire pregnancy I had morning sickness…lol….talk about a sign!  I dressed in black and contemplated escaping from the courthouse before they called us in.

I hoped I’d end up with the happily ever after, I did love him, but deep down I knew it was the biggest mistake I was making.  I think there’s a difference between cold feet and realizing this is a mistake.  many people are sold on the IDEA of getting married, as mentioned above, instead of commiting to the person you want to send the rest of your life with.  Cold feet, as far as I’m concerned is moreof- are we ready for this, should we wait longer, are we gonna make it- more of questioning the act of getting married opposed to questioning the relationship itself.  If you are questioning your relationship- should we even be together- that is much more serious and shouldnt be ignored.

Post # 10
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

I called off a wedding 3 months prior to it, after dating the guy for 5 years and being engaged over a year.  It sucked and was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through in my life, but I can honestly say it was for the best.  For me it was a situational thing, not reallly a “fell out of love” thing, which I think made it harder to do.  But, that being said, dealing with telling everyone is really the hardest thing.  The money sucks, and we spent a lot of it on a wedding that didn’t happen, but that money is well spent if it keeps you out of a marriage you don’t really want to be in.  For me, getting married is finding your LIFE partner.  My dad/family stressed to me that if I wasn’t sure, it was okay to back out up to the second I walked down the aisle.  Sounds harsh, but it makes perfect practical sense. 

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