Post # 1
I have been listening to the radio for the past couple of days and on a particular radio show I listen to they have an event they call “Group Therapy.” On Group Therapy a girl called in and said that she did not want to get married but that she didn’t know how to tell her FI because they were a month out from the day and so many things were paid for that she felt like she was backed into a corner.
Callers can call, text, or email in their reactions and obviously the consensus was DON’T DO IT!! They asked this girl to tell her FI and that they were going to call her back the next day to see how it went. They called the next day and she said that she had talked to him, there was a lot of crying, yelling and anger. He told her that she couldn’t do this to him, everything was paid for, what would their families say etc. So she said that she felt so guilty she was going to go through with it anyways.
It’s so much easier to contemplate what you would do in this situation or give advice than it is to really feel that pressure of being the one in the situation. You would think that if you got up the courage to FINALLY tell your FI that you didn’t want to do it that, 1. he would be angry but that he wouldn’t want to marry someone who doesn’t want to marry him and, 2. that you would be relieved and not go through with it. Wouldn’t your FI always be thinking that you went through with it because you felt bad? She said that there are many people who marry someone who they don’t feel like is the person they want to be with for the rest of their lives but that it will work out.
What is your feelings on this? Woman who have ended an engagement how hard was it? Woman who have been divorced did you KNOW that it wasn’t going to work or did it just evolve that way? Do you think that people get married because the person is “Fine” rather than “Perfect for them” or “Their Soulmate” or whatever?
Here is the link to the radio show if you would like to listen…
Post # 3
Wow… I can’t even imagine, but I would wonder, is it cold feet? or was it something that had caused a rift in her feelings for him?
Post # 4
I love listening to the radio. yay! So I have never been in those positions you described, but I felt when I got engaged it was too soon. We had been dating 1 year officially, plus a few months and I was 24, I just felt like we need more time. Then I found out that he had already planned a romantic getaway wedding for us (we did another wedding in my home town shortly afterwards). I felt like it was happening so fast, but I went with it, I love him and I am so happy I married him. I am very in love and have a wonderful marriage. There is no doubt in my mind I made the right choice.
Post # 5
I was married and knew before that it wouldn’t work and ended up divorced. Then I got engaged and broke it off, so I can speak to both.
The first time I was really young (19). I got sold on getting married instead of getting sold on the spouse. At one point I did actually communicate that I thought we were making a mistake and as well got guilted into going through with it because of the embarassment. I think it was just a pride thing on my ex’s part. We stayed together for 5 years and it was “ok”, but I was never really in love. At the end we were sitting out on our back deck and my ex turned to me and said, “I know you don’t love me anymore. It’s not fair for either of us.” We were best friends, but not good mates.
Then when I was 25 I started dating a guy I had known for a very long time and we got very serious very fast and had discussions about getting married. He propossed 3 months in, in front of his family. I said yes, out of guilt then too because I felt obligated since everyone was standing there. However, I broke it off less than a month in, and he was devistated.
Now I am madly in love for the first time ever in my life! No doubts and no issues, but it can be very tough when you don’t want to hurt people. I think I thought when I got married the first time that at one point I loved this person and wanted to get married and that we could eventually get that back.
Happy as a pig in it now though!
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
Walking away from a paid-for wedding is less embarrassing (and less expensive) than walking away from a marriage…
I feel badly for her. I hope she gets the courage to call it off.
Post # 7
Wow! I would think she was under a lot of pressure she put on herself by herself. She could be concerned that certain people who didn’t want this marriage to take place would be happy and she does not want to make them feel like they ‘won’. Or it would embarass her personally that her love life didn’t work out and it took her THIS long to realize that. But is projecting this as a guilt trip from her FI.
Post # 8
I couldn’t imagine going through this. the biggest tragety is her not simply walking away at this point. I mean, she knows she’ll be miserable, and he won’t have a chance to find someone who does want to marry him.
I understand his reaction is actually fairly normal, but she needs to be strong and walk away – despite what anyone thinks. He’s saying all of the other things because he doesn’t want to lose her. Years from now, he may find someone perfect for him and go “Wow…it’s never felt like this before…”
I’ve been there. Clinging to something that was actually bad for us both.
Now, I am engaged and happier than I have ever been. I had never believed that there could be someone who could love me so intensely. I was wrong. They could be wrong too.
Post # 9
I was married right after my 20th b-day. I knew it was wrong, but felt pressured to do so, I was pregnant! The day we got married was the only day thru-out my entire pregnancy I had morning sickness…lol….talk about a sign! I dressed in black and contemplated escaping from the courthouse before they called us in.
I hoped I’d end up with the happily ever after, I did love him, but deep down I knew it was the biggest mistake I was making. I think there’s a difference between cold feet and realizing this is a mistake. many people are sold on the IDEA of getting married, as mentioned above, instead of commiting to the person you want to send the rest of your life with. Cold feet, as far as I’m concerned is moreof- are we ready for this, should we wait longer, are we gonna make it- more of questioning the act of getting married opposed to questioning the relationship itself. If you are questioning your relationship- should we even be together- that is much more serious and shouldnt be ignored.
Post # 10
I called off a wedding 3 months prior to it, after dating the guy for 5 years and being engaged over a year. It sucked and was the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through in my life, but I can honestly say it was for the best. For me it was a situational thing, not reallly a “fell out of love” thing, which I think made it harder to do. But, that being said, dealing with telling everyone is really the hardest thing. The money sucks, and we spent a lot of it on a wedding that didn’t happen, but that money is well spent if it keeps you out of a marriage you don’t really want to be in. For me, getting married is finding your LIFE partner. My dad/family stressed to me that if I wasn’t sure, it was okay to back out up to the second I walked down the aisle. Sounds harsh, but it makes perfect practical sense.