Post # 1
He confessed everything last night…
3 years ago he went thru a rough patch and we took a break then decided to get back together and that is when it happened. He had an “emotional relationship” with this girl who was friends with his cousins….Even went as far as taking her on a trip (they went to florida)
He came back and i knew something was up but he swore she was just a family friend.
Last summer, i wanted to dowload some pics from his computer and there they were. Pictures of them together, vidoes of them together that clearly showed they were dating but he claims and he swears and promises me that he never ever had sex with her. She was just an escape from our problems.
<br />They stopped talking and about 8 months later, he went back to talking to her only but then broke it off.
I figured all of this out by myself because it just didnt make sense to me and he kept denying it and i believed him because he has been so so so good to me. I mean, i couldnt ask for a better partner…but i knew, my gut told me something happened and it did… I told him last night what i thought happened and he just ..sat there and told me it was true..
but it happened 3 years ago…i do not know what to do…I really dont.
I never would’ve imagined..not in a millions years…
Post # 2
figs2006: Not sure what to do in this situation, but maybe a couples counselor can help you to work through these feelings. Sorry to hear you’re going through this, it’s awful that you had to find out this way. *HUGS*
Post # 3
housebee: thank you:( i am absolutely heart-broken. We have plans to get married and it just hurts because i never thought it would happen to me .
Post # 4
figs2006: I think the biggest issue here is that he lied about it (and let it carry on so long). My FI and I also went through a rough patch where we went on a “break” but were not broken up. He met up with an ex of his for lunch during that time and I flipped out. He admitted it and promised nothing happened and he hasn’t had any contact with her since our break. I chose to believe him but that doesn’t mean I was completely free of insecure thoughts about our relationship after that – on top of the fact that we went on a break.
I agree with PP, get a couples counselor if you want to make it work. I constantly thought about it and it put a damper on our relationship, when I realized that I said I had forgiven him but I really hadn’t. We worked through it but we are still getting premarital counseling. Trusting him after he lied about the whole thing is going to be the hardest part IMO. Only you can know if you want to stay and work on your relationship or if it’s better for you to just let it go.
Post # 5
He didn’t have an affair. You were on a break. And it was three years ago.
Post # 6
I think you need to clarify whether or not you were together.. It doesn’t sound like you were. Being on a break means you’re on a break from your relationship, while it would be ideal to not see anyone (sexually or emotionally) that’s not always the case.
It was 3 years ago and you weren’t together. I’d be angry that I found out that way and that he didn’t come back to the relationship from the break and immediately come clean about what happened.. But, I think you can work through this together, with a little help from a therapist.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
I agree that if you were on a break you should try to move on. If not, you’ll have to do some soul searching. If they were on a trip together, what are the chances that they never slept together?
Post # 8
It sounds like he lied to you. If so, your problem begins at “why did he lie? “
Post # 9
I’m confused. Was it an emotional affair or more? What did he confess to, exactly ? I agree that the issue is with the lie, even more so since he was still in touch with this person after you two got back together. At least I think you are saying that this was the case.
Post # 10
Post # 11
KC-2722: no we were together..Idk maybe i didnt explain it right.
Post # 12
I think he had the empotional affair AFTER they got back together from the “break”. Which is even more confusing, because it begs the question: why would he get back together with you only to pursue someone else?
Post # 13
figs2006: No you def didn’t! In this case, I’d be beyond infuriated. Not only did he cheat but he lied. Personally speaking, I don’t tolerate either in my relationship so I’d be done. Has he shed any light on why he lied about it? Do you believe him that it wasn’t physical?
I think you need to think long and hard about your own personal boundaries when it comes to lying and cheating. I know mine because I was cheated on and lied to by an ex, I forgave him and it happened again. From that point forward I learned once a cheater, always a cheater and I also learned that it wasn’t something I could actually move past.. I was never the same in the relationship after I found out.
Post # 14
I don’t know, if you were on a break and didn’t specify that there’d be no seeing anyone else, I can’t see how you can hold this against him. If you feel you can’t get past it, seek couples counseling.
Post # 15
Sorry to say this but for me, I can’t see a dating couple going on a holiday together and not having sex (unless they were remaining virgins before marriage, religous reasons, etc.) However if you’re now both committed to the relationship, seek counseling. What he did was not okay.